Chapter Thirty-Five

His finger lightly brushed across her lip. "Your hair," he said, retracting his hand. "It was stuck to your face."

"Oh," she said, finally exhaling. "Thanks."

"Get some sleep, Alice."

"How am I going to sleep when I'm in this pool?"

"Let's rest against the wall of the pool," he said, pulling her there. They leaned against the wall. "You can lie your head on my shoulder. Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't drown."

"Okay," she said, putting her head on his shoulder. "What about you?"

"I'll be fine," he said. "I've pulled many all nighters recently for work, I'll just treat this as one of them."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

She closed her eyes for a few minutes, but opened them again. Unable to sleep, she dragged her finger across the surface of the pool, and watched as it rippled outwards.

"I can't sleep."

"Let's talk then."

"Are you in love with me?"

He inhaled sharply. "Let's talk about anything other than that."

"But I want to know."

"Does it matter? It's not like we can do anything about it."

"I still want to know."

Silence.

"Alice," he said. "My feelings don't change easily."

"When did you find out?"

"I remember that day like it was yesterday," he said, shaking his head.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. "What happened?"

"Your 20th birthday was approaching. And you invited me to a small gathering, like always."

"I remember my 2oth. You didn't come."

"Yeah, I didn't."

"That made me sad, especially after Leonard ditched me on my 18th."

"I'm sorry, Alice."

"Why didn't you come?"

"Because I realised my feelings for you, and I was so ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to meet you."

"How did you realise them?"

"You'll think it's silly really," he laughed.

"Now I really want to hear it," she said, giggling.

"I went to this supermarket, and I saw they had these beautiful birthday cards in a pack of five. I bought them and went home, hoping to use one and save the rest for another time. When your birthday approached, I took one out and decided to write why I treasured you so much. I ran out of space, so I used a second card. Than a third. When I ran out of space on the fifth, and still had so many things to say, it hit me that you meant much more to me than I thought."

She was speechless.

"You should've read what I wrote. It didn't make sense. It was like I had too much on my mind, and couldn't get them out quickly enough. I sounded like a madman, honestly."

"Do you still have those cards?"

"I do," he said.

"Give them to me, I want to read them."

"Yeah, that's not happening."

"What? Why?"

"Not happening."

She nudged the side of his arm. "Come on!"

"I don't even know where I put them," he said. "I just know I never threw them away."

"Ugh," she said, putting her head back onto his shoulder.

"What about you? When did you realise your feelings?"

"Hmm," she said. "It wasn't like how you did. I realised them slowly over a lot of time. All my life, when I picture the best man imaginable in my head, his face was always featureless and I don't know how the rest of him looks. It's just a silhouette, and it was like that too even when I was with Leonard. But as time went on, that shadow began to form and it changed into a person. It morphed into you."

He nodded.

"I tried to deny it in the beginning," she said. "But whenever I tried to picture the shadow, you'd just turn up again. No matter what I did, I couldn't change that. So I ultimately stopped trying to."

"Well, I know exactly the first time you felt sexually attracted to me."

Her head shot up, her jaw wide open. "No way!"

"Yes," he said. "You were sitting right beside me, and your body had tensed up so badly. Your chest moved erratically, and you didn't know where to put your hands. You pretended to look at the plant, but you were actually checking me out."

"God," she said, heat filling her cheeks. "Wait, when was that?"

"It was at your place. I came over to Mike's…." Keanu said, trailing off. Awkwardness settled into the air between them and she swallowed. "Nevermind."

"I guess we should talk about something else."

"Oh, I know," he said. "Why don't you tell me about the day you fell into the koi pond?"

She laughed and they continued talking late into the night. As they chatted, the conversation slowly shifted over to him, and he told her a long story. She rested her head on his shoulder and listened as he spoke softly. Closing her eyes, sleep overtook her.

Drifting in and out of sleep, her eyes half-opened every now and then as she felt her body being dragged out of the pool. Strong arms carried her somewhere and she closed her eyes again. When she reopened them, she saw the familiar silhouette in her dreams hovering over her.

Ah, what a dream.

Wrapping a hand around the shadow's nape, she drew him down towards her. He came closer, his body hovering over her. She closed her eyes, pulling his nape down, and parted her lips.