Chapter Thirty-Eight

The car door stayed open for a long while before Keanu's hand extended towards the handle, slamming it back closed. In the next instant, his car tore out of the parking space and disappeared from sight. She sat there, dumbfounded for a moment before she pulled out of her parking lot as well and returned home.

As she stood in the shower, she turned the heat on high and let it scald her skin. She couldn't feel the pain at all, so she kicked the lever further to the right, but it couldn't go any further. Her lips trembled as her tears mixed with the water that pelted onto her, and she gripped onto the pipes with all her strength. Agony ripped her insides.

It took her about twenty minutes before she finally stepped out of the bathtub. She changed into her own clothes and put Keanu's into a paper bag, which she took with her into her car. Within minutes, she drove off from her place to the school.

Lessons were a blur. She lost her train of thought more often than not, and her students gave her weird looks. She apologised for her behaviour, and decided to let them off early because it wasn't as if she was making their time worthwhile. As she packed up, Jeremy came over to her desk.

"Are you alright, prof?"

She looked up. "Yeah, I'm okay," she said. "I've just been troubled by some things lately."

"Things like you and the Dean?"

Her eyes widened. "What? Why do you say that?"

"It's obvious that there's something between the two of you. Any guy could tell."

"Oh," she said, head lowered. "It's nothing."

"If I were him, I would never treat you this way."

She lifted her head. "If you were him?"

"I wish I were, honestly. I can see how much of an effect he has on you."

Her jaw dropped. Keanu was right! "I'm sorry, I don't think - "

"Hear me out first, please."

"Sure," she said.

"I like you very much, prof," he said. "And not platonically. But I can tell you're in love with the Dean and hung up over him, and he refuses to lift even one finger to alleviate that burden for you. I'm so much better than him, can't you see that?"

"Jeremy, I'm your professor. You can't say things like that."

"And he is your boss, but you still love him. You can't control when you fall in love, and when you do, nothing changes it," he said. "I'd choose you, unlike him. Let me tell you all the ways I can make you happy - "

Alice nodded, but her mind drowned his words out. She didn't want to be here, not at all. This was not the confession she wanted to be in, and not the words she wanted to hear. No, there was only one confession she wanted to be a part of, and that included Keanu. Nobody else.

"You're not listening, are you, prof?"

She blinked. "Oh, no, no, I am!"

"Then what did I say?"

She had nothing to say.

Jeremy sighed. "There's somewhere you want to go now, right?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Well, then, please go there immediately," Jeremy said, smiling. "Tell him you love him."

Her hands trembled and she put everything down on the floor, her feet taking her to his office. She flew down the corridors, her heart racing, the words in her mind repeating over and over again.

Throwing his door open, she rushed into his office, breathing hard. He jolted in surprise and looked at her, eyes wide with questions.

"Keanu," she said. "You fucking piece of shit. You're miserable! I hate you!"

He scoffed. "Is this a joke?"

She panted, tired from her exercise. She tried to catch her breath as Keanu glared at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I hate how you I can never shake you off. You're like fucking superglue. The moment I show the slightest sign that I'm in pain, you're there like I'm the air you breathe. I hate how I can't forget every word you say to me, I hate how beautiful the words you say to me are. I hate every interaction we have, because it leaves me burning in the end."

"Alice…"

"I hate you, Keanu," she said, crying. She sobbed and pain bloomed across his features. "I know what we have is forbidden. But Keanu, Keanu, I can't keep pretending that I don't love you. I can't lie to myself that I don't think about you every hour of the day, every second that passes by. I don't want to live a lie where we don't feel anything for each other. I can't, don't ask me to. Because the truth is, I love you with everything I have. I love you more than words can express, more than I even want to. Keanu, I love, love, love you."

Silence.

Dead silence.

"Alice," Keanu said. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in pursuing anything with you."