Understanding you

Numa opened his eyes slowly, he has a terrible headache which was clearly not due to hangover. He looked confusedly at the white lights, the small room illuminated by the weak sunlight filtering through the window.

He put his hands to his head unable to think, and his fingers touched the bandage, and it was when he realized where he was.

He looked around him, everything was very strange, he began to worry, it did not look like any hospital he knew. He thought his grandmother would be there but it wasnt the case. On the bedside table located on his left side there was only a package of half-started cookies. What time was it? He should go to school. 

It was an absurd thought he immediately erased from his mind. 

He closed his eyes again, he was thirsty. He tried to move his right hand and let out a moan of pain, it felt as if thousands of needles were sticking in his wrist. He raised his head slightly to discover that it was bandaged as well, then remembered the scene: one of the guys twisted his arm to immobilize him. A new thought awakened a fury within him: he lost the fight. Of course he did, it was 3 against 1, but he defended himself well and was proud of how unharmed he came out of it.

However, it was strange his grandmother was not there. Thoughts simply flowed through his mind: the letter Agustín left him was still on his desk, he couldn't open it, he couldn't touch it, that paper instilled a fear in him, a fear that everything he knew would collapse. Those were his last words, what would they be?

The door opened, a young woman who at first did not want to believe who it was but who confirmed it when she was close, greeted him with enthusiasm.

"Good morning sleepyhead " Manon smiled at him.

Numa looked at her confused, he remembered very little of the past night. The rest was a void, but if Manon was there it also meant that Lucas was not far away. He wanted to run away.

"How do you feel?"

"Lost." He didn't think he could give such an accurate answer.

"You don't remember anything?" She seemed surprised.

"No, I think I drank too much."

"Yes, and it seems that you beat someone up too, didn't you?"

Numa looked at her reluctantly, she was right but he was not in the mood to answer questions he knew he had, mainly to his grandmother later on. Surely she would worry, he promised her not to get into similar situations again. He had to control himself, to behave and not to bring her any more trouble, and yet there he was, lying on a hospital bed with several wounds.

He let out a sigh.

"Lucas is in the cafeteria, I didn't think you were going to wake up so early, but first of all" he looked at the door as if he was afraid of something "this is the family clinic" she winked "so you are my little brother, I mean, you know what I mean, right?"

Numa looked at her confused, have they made him pass for someone else?

"Ok, don't say anything, don't ask anything, you just shut your mouth, got it?"

Numa nodded his head still confused by the set of facts surrounding him.

"Well, I'm going to look for Lucas..." she winked.

"Wait," Numa swallowed, "don't... don't call him."

Manon looked at him without understanding. Numa even seemed ashamed of his own attitude.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk to him, not now."

"Look, that's for him to decide, not me. I'm sorry but after the little night we had, I'm not going to tell him you don't want to talk to him. If you don't want to, tell him yourself but don't come to me with such request."

Said Manon, serious and annoyed before disappearing into the hallway. Numa watched as she left. That had to be a nightmare, he didn't want to face him, not Lucas. 

Lucas entered the room, looked at him for a moment and turned his head. He was furious and it showed in the expression on his face. Numa got a lump in his throat and immediately turned into the opposite direction. He felt Lucas approach the bed, he let out a snort.

"Numa" he felt the weight on the bed, next to him "Numa, there are so many things I wanna say. Can you face me and talk? I'm not going around the bed, I want you to turn around and look at me."

Numa closed his eyes, hiding his face in the pillow.

"Numa, not gonna lie to you, I'm in a bad mood, I had a busy night and I don't want to fuck up my morning. Just look at me."

"...."

"WHAT THE..?"

 Too late he realized he shouldn't shout, he saw how the young man was holding one of his hands to his head, the pain must have been very strong.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout but I want you to look at me"

he waited a few seconds but he saw that there was no sign that he was going to turn to his side, he continued

"Let me explain to you: yesterday afternoon I found out that your best friend died, your grandma told me you went to training, so I decided to wait for you. I waited FIVE hours for you to come. At 11pm I was getting on my nerves and I went back to smoking. Not to mention the liter of soda I drank that made me feel like a freshly inflated balloon. But yet weren't coming" 

he made a short break 

"So I went looking for you to find you all beaten up. I still don't know how I managed not to scream. Then Icalled for an ambulance and they left me waiting for half an hour, half an hour in which I did nothing but follow the rhythm of your breathing to know if you were still alive."

"Can you come to this side?" Numa interrupted him, in a soft voice "I just don't want to rest on that side, my arm hurts too much..."

Lucas smiled softly, went around the bed, and watched him, his green eyes were shining and full of tears, tears to which he didn't refer to.

"Make a little room for me," Lucas said to him.

He moved aside to leave a little space for the young guy to sit down.

"I..." began Numa.

"No, I don't want to hear thanks or anything, Numa I just want to know what happened."

The young guy looked at him seriously.

"I can only thank you, I don't want to talk about last night."

Lucas came a little closer, he was upset again.

"Numa, I'm getting fed up with so much nonsense, and this time it's serious, I want to know what happened.I'm not going to let those sons of bitches run around and beat the shit out of someone else."

"Wait..." 

Numa was astonished, he didn't know he cared so much, seeing him angry and imagining him worried made him excited. He realized how bad he wanted to hug him, he needed a good hug in that moment.

"It wasn´t a beating, I started the fight."

Lucas looked at him astonished.

"And how many were there?"

"Three"

Lucas had to restrain himself from shouting out the number..

"Are you crazy? How are you going to challenge three guys? What do you want to get killed?"

"I don't care," he replied, closing his eyes for a moment. 

Lucas looked at him, wondering if it would ok to stroke his hair? At that moment he seemed to be screaming for some attention.

"What do you mean you don't care?" asked Lucas

"You wouldn't understand..."

Lucas looked at him again, obviously offended.

"Are you sure? Why don't you try? I can't read thoughts but if you tell me maybe I can understand you? „

"No."

He's getting on his nerves and he so tired.

"If you don't tell me, I'll take care of finishing what those guys started...."

Numa smiled at these words but only closed his eyes again. Lucas looked at him in disbelief, moved a little closer to whisper a few centimeters from his mouth.

"I want you to tell me. What happened?"

Numa opened his eyes as he felt that warm breath on his mouth. He looked at him a little embarrassed and pushed him away.

"dont wanna"

Lucas stared at him annoyed.

"They didn't crack your head open for nothing, did they?" if he didn't risk something he knew Numa wouldn't tell him anything. "Did it have to do with Agustín?"

Numa's stared answered him, even though he shook his head to deny it.

"What did they say?"

"What do you think ignorant people like they can say, if one tells them that his best friend was sick and if one adds that he was a homosexual? They even asked me about myself"

Lucas imagined it very well, now he understood the reason for the fight

"And what did you answer?"

"That I was also gay"

Lucas looked at him shooking his head in disapproval. 

Numa looked at him reluctantly. 

"I knew you wouldn't understand, the biggest coward in the world!"

"Do I look like a coward to you because I don't wear a sign that announces my sexuality or even better, I find a group of those homophobic people to beat me up?"

Numa looked at him defiantly.

"Leon doesn't go with any sign but he doesn't deny his sexuality either."

"Leon...of course, the perfect guy."

He got up from the bed to face him again, "Anyone can be that brave when they have powerful parents."

"Don't talk like that! You don't even know him. It takes guts to go through everything he went through."

"I don't doubt it, he does everything right," he leaned one of his hands on the bed, getting close to him, he was really angry, 

"I'm sorry I am not so brave, nor do I want to fuck everyone who crosses my path, what can I do? What you see here is what you get: take it or leave it, there is no more than this"

He turned away and left the room slamming the door, which earned him a sermon from one of the nurses.

Numa was surprised, this time they fought at an incredible speed, and Lucas left and that was exactly what he didn't want. 

"Perfect Numa, you keep it up.". He felt so stupid, hid his face in the pillow, holding back tears.