Part IV
...we all have choices
and she finally gave herself one.
Turns out,
it was the only one she ever needed.
- Zachry K. Douglas
***
It was a sterol clean smell. Something my mind connected the place to even though I had never been there before.
I made the connections, but my mind still was disoriented. Dazed. I tried to move. That's when the pain hit.
"Soraya, don't move."
"We need to strap her down again."
"Put her under, she won't be able to handle this pain."
And then the screaming.
I don't remember screaming.
Leo told me later that I did. He didn't actually tell me...I just remember him whispering to mom one night, me overhearing him as they sat on the porch, "I sometimes can hear her screams...sometimes I can hear the noise she made when she woke up... That's when I wanted to be a doctor...So Soraya would never make a sound like that again..."