Sentiments

Fiona felt a stream of tears, running down her cheeks. She cried, and cried, sobbing loudly. Ava didn't understand what to do. She never saw her mother that way. But her mother still hadn't answered her.

"Mom, please. Don't cry like that" she didn't know how to make her feel anything at all. That is what never having an intimate connection does to you. It subtracts all knowledge of consoling and being there for someone from your life.

Her mother got up from the chair and went to lay on the couch nearby. The tears never subsided. Ava did what she thought best. She got up from her place, went to her mother's mini kitchen bar and poured her a drink. She came back, handed it over to her.

"Here"

"Thank you" she managed saying amidst the sniffles.

"I need full closure mom, you can't leave me hanging"

"I know. But I think you should meet your father once, and then I will tell you everything I promise that to you"

"Why not now Mom? I want to know before I can choose to let him in on my life"

"He's already a part of your life Ava, no matter how near or far he has been. There are some relations we can't take out of the picture Ava, he is your biological father and he always will be. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our family. However, I believe, right now he is not okay and we need to see him once. You can ask whatever you want from him"

"I unfortunately don't have any soft corners for him, mom. Unlike you."

"I am sorry Ava, for this broken mess that I have made of your life" she said after taking a huge sip of her drink.

Ava looked at her mother for a second, her swollen eyes made Ava feel a pang of ache in her heart. Regardless of how good or bad of a mother she has been. Some corner of her heart still loved Fiona.

She breathed deeply, trying to add a morsel of calm to her voice. "When do I have to meet him?"

"Peter arranged for you to meet him on Thursday. I will go tomorrow. I think you both should have a one-on-one conversation"

"Whatever you say"

She got up, went to her room and closed the door behind her. Her food still left half-eaten, cold on the dining table.

________

The day had come. Despite everything Fiona had wanted with her life, despite the love, the hatred and the aversion she had felt towards Michael over the time being, when she had heard of him being sick, her heart was giving out.

She knew that if she met him, things wouldn't go so well. But she just wanted to see him once, with her own eyes. Doing okay. And then she would move back to normal.

She wore a black knee-length dress, along with black stilettos. Her hair was tied in a low bun. She didn't feel like wearing any makeup. She wore a nude lipstick and some mascara. She didn't forget to conceal the dark circles around her eyes. He would definitely notice that the first thing. She didn't want to give him such an ego boost.

As she reached the hospital. Peter was waiting for him at the entrance. He took her silently to the room, through the lift. It was on the second floor. Room no. 408. She blinked, blankly at the plate on top of the door that had said 408.

It used to be their anniversary date, the fourth of August. Coincidences, coincidences.

"I hope you guys won't pull each other's hair or something" Peter tried joking.

"Peter" she said, not smiling.

"Alright, I will come back after half an hour. If you get free early… or perhaps late, text or call me"

"Yes I will"

She breathed deeply. Here goes nothing.

Peter went towards the lift again, she opened the door.

______

A new day for Ava had started at her usual spot. The desk. Her desk neighbor Reed had brought coffee for her. She thanked her, took a sip and started working. Today was going to be all about work and no stupid family drama. She had thought as soon as she opened her eyes in the morning.

"Ava, um I have a question for you"

"Shoot Reed"

"I hope you won't mind me asking" she seemed nervous.

Ava, who was sitting calmly with her shoulders resting back in her chair, felt a weird tension in her back muscles.

"It's okay Reed. You can say whatever you want"

"Actually, I know you might not want to answer this, or you might have not intended for anyone to know I guess. But… is Fiona Michael your mother Ava?"

'Shit' was the first thought that came to Ava's mind.

Other people were probably not that interested in knowing what or who Ava was, but Reed was always a curious person. Ava hadn't taken any proper measures to hide this information too. She just didn't mingle with many people, and kept a low profile all the time. The only person she had proper conversations with was Reed.

"Yes she is" she replied, trying utmost to sound calm. She knew Reed would spread it like wildfire if she did come across as anything else.

"Oh" she gasped.

"Does Noah know?" she again asked.

"It didn't seem so important to me to tell him this information. I'm here to expand my work experience and nothing else"

"But if Michael Sir would've been there you would've been at a higher position Ava, that would be amazing"

"I don't want to"

"Is it because of your parent's separation? I'm so sorry I am asking far too many questions I think"

"It's okay. And yes, That is the very reason I don't want people to know. I am here to learn and do things on my own, I don't need any support from my parents and their status"

'Not that they would care anyway' she thought bitterly.

"That's nice, you are such a determined person."

"Reed, could I ask something of you?"

"Don't worry Ava, it will remain between us. But you can trust me, I hope you do."

"I do" she smiled back"

________

She entered. Her eyes were a little watery than they should appear. The first thing she saw as she entered was a bed, at almost the middle of the room, slightly to the right. He sat peacefully. Wearing his reading glasses, reading a book. He raised his head to meet her eyes, his hands running through the pages as the nervousness built inside him.

He could feel the heart rate increasing steadily. As his eyes met the eyes he used to stare at for hours in the past.

She stood there, there was a visible sorrow, bitterness and so much in her eyes, but the most visible one was.

He wasn't her Michael, he looked pale, tired, weak. Her Michael was healthy and handsome and so full of life. When he smiled, Fiona's life used to smile at her. When he laughed it made her heart bounce like a basketball. He was her first-ever love, the guy whose basketball and volleyball matches she used to go to. The one she looked forward to seeing the first thing every morning in high school. The one she made notes for.

"Fiona" he spoke, slowly. Almost like a whisper, the name leaving an aftertaste on his tongue. Funny how aftertastes change, or we seem to change our opinions of them.

"Michael. Are you okay? What happened?" she replied, softly as she drew near to his bed.

"I am fine. I- I guess the workload has been too much and…"

"You and your obsession with your company…" she paused for a moment, continuing "is it still more important to you than any woman ever was"

He chuckled bitterly as if he had laughed in his own state. "There has only been one woman I loved more than Helix, more than anything." he looked at her, his gaze lingering on her face. She had a bag in her hands. He looked at it.

"It's a little something for you, some nuts and breakfast items you like. Don't worry they're healthy. There's an organic brand I got it from there"

"Thanks Fione" he said, immediately realizing that he had called her something he used to say.

Realizing he instantly looked at her, she tried looking down on the floor, trying to find something. As if looking for stain marks on the white marble floor of the hospital.

"What happened? Did the doctor say everything is better now?"

"Yea, just some medicines and a week under observation. The ECG reports were okay, there wasn't too much if a blockage in the arteries, could be better with medicines and lifestyle"

"Please take care okay, if you need, I can ask a nutritionist to prepare a good diet chart for you, just how you need it"

"It's okay. They will take care of me once I get discharged and go home"

'They as in his wife, Allison' she thought, for a moment there was a bitter taste in her mouth.

After a moment of silence, she spoke up "Your daughter wants to see you, she is hoping to get some answers. Answers I couldn't give."

"I will meet her, and answer all she wants to know about. It was my fault, even if she hates me after that, she should know what a jerk her father has been" he replied calmly.

"I wanted her to see you, this once. So I didn't say much. But you can justify her with whatever reasons you had or still have" she said bitterly, her voice now carried an aversion.

"You know that wasn't the only reason, and besides, I was never able to convince you, how would I convince my daughter"

"You can talk about whatever you want. Even blame me for all I care." she replied.

"Fione" he whispered this name, intentionally this time. He had a drip running into his veins, otherwise he might've gotten a bit closer.

"Thank you, for raising her."

"I am a mother Michael, you could've walked out the equation, I couldn't. I gave birth to her. Although I've never been much of a mother either, she was on her own all this while"

"At least you didn't do what I did," he said, feeling a pang of guilt lodged up in his lungs, moving, aching with every breath.

"I hope you feel better soon, take your medicines on time and don't stress out okay. It's not good for the heart." she advised not trying to sound concerned.

"I will be fine, you be fine, okay?"

"I will." she replied, smiling a bit. This was the first time he saw her smiling since the last time he met her. Six years ago, at a party.

She went, closing the door behind him, she exhaled, loudly as she closed the door. Tears dropped furiously on her cheeks, a race of tears, trembling to escape as quickly as possible.

Peter had come to take her, he took her to the car and asked her driver to take her home. He didn't talk much, he knew she didn't want to be bothered with questions right now.

'What has become of us, Mike' she thought to herself as she sobbed silently in the back of her car.

_______