Chapter 3: What the Hell!

The next day the Hazbins were all out and about doing their parts for the celebration. Angel Dust was just coming to after an entire day of tripping balls on cocain. He got up from his bed hungover worse than that time his drink was spiked at the club and Cherri had to beat off a bunch of mooks trying to take advantage of him. Fat Nuggets squealed to be fed little hooves pawed at his legs as he brought them over the side of the bed. Angel filled the pig's bowl generously then gave a loving pat before he sluggishly got dressed and made his way down stairs.

While wondering what the fuck happened yesterday he walked out of the elevator and soon heard the distinct sound of echoed murmmering from the gritty sketchy patrons in the bar and café. Among that were the shrill and quiet tones of women taking. It got him curious enough to check it out maybe even get some insight on the missed time his brain was currently spaced on. He staggered into the lounge and plopped down on the sofa listening to the women talk while simultaneously fighting a massive headache.

Vaggie and Charlie were in the lobby being asked by Allison to go on yet another venture into Pentegram City for some missed items from yesterday. Thanks to Brisk's inability to decide on anything they ended up at the store for so long that they lost track of time then got lost taking a 'shortcut' and ended up being stalked and chased around by lust sinners under the influence of the cycle. What came back that day was; a tired princess, a happy Brisk and an angry Vaggie, all looking dirty and disheveled. After all that shit they went through the doe expected them to go through it again? Allison looked down sadly as she pleaded for the girls to go with her colleague again.

Vaggie growled at the taller blue woman glaring accusingly. "I'm so sorry but...." The sad woman flinched at the yelling voice that cut her off. "No way! I will not go anywhere with that freak again! She nearly got us lost!" The Latina shouted. "Come on Vaggie it could've been worse." Charlie said as she touched her girlfriend's arm. "Oh how? Like we could've been killed maybe or brutally railed in the ass with a drill dildo?" The moth asked grimly causing the princess to dart her eyes away and the doe to look down sadly.

They all looked at the Chimeress who was busy bothering Husk trying to give him a piece of "candy" while he just grumbled and continued ignoring her. "I'm sorry. I-I know she's....alot to handle but we need the other items for the party a-and I haven't finished the itineraries so I can't help you." Said the blue woman hoping the moth would understand. "What the fuck were you doing? I thought Alastor was helping you!" The doe shrank as she remembered how every time she tried to consult with the demon or asked to collab about a rule she would get shut down by a shriek of static or being forcibly teleported from his workspace. "A-Alastor and I didn't really see eye to eye on some things...l-look p-please it's only a few more things I promise...p-please?" Vaggie folded arms firmly as she continued to silently refuse to change her mind.

There were so many things she wanted to yell at the lady but after seeing how desperate she was and how angry Husk was getting as the cat poured candy onto him from her hat she feared the chimera would blow a gaskette and snap. After rethinking her resolve she looked to the pleading eyes of her girlfriend and remembered that they still needed to finish planning this celebration. Reluctantly she sighed heavily as she decided to let go of her anger so they could go back to planning hoping that it would end soon. "I-...*sigh* fine let's just get this over with, the sooner we finish planning this party the better." She said exasperatedly. Charlie smiled silently thanking her for going through with this headache for her.

Allison nodded not wanting to upset the moth even more. Once they were cleared to go Allison called her friend over. "Briskette?" She called out. The cat looked up from being in a chokehold by Husk smiling obliviously. "Yeah Allie?" She answered making the women cringe at the scene of the male trying to kill his counterpart.

...

Later the ladies got ready to go as Allison gave her associate clear instructions. "Okay Briskette this should be enough for you to buy everything we need." Allison spoke as she pinned a large wad of money to her assistant's bow. "Remember to follow the highlighted route on this map and make sure everything gets checked off the list." The cat darted her eyes over the page and frowned for the first time since she got there.

"This looks like it could take a while...unless..." The chimeress was cut off. "No short cuts. please." The doe said sternly. "Oh! But it'll be so much quicker and way more fun!" She spoke positively. The blue woman just sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose much like Vaggie would. "Briskette every time you stray from the route you become lost, then you call me miles from where you're suppose to be and I have to come get you." She explained.

Allison then felt her eye twitch when she noticed how preoccupied her friend was as she read the map likely trying to find a few scenic routes to explore on their journey. Allison grabbed her coworker and held her shoulders nose to nose as she did her best to ingrain her orders into her constantly high brain. "Listen to me! Your company is not amused by lively shopping sprees right now. Please just follow the map and NO. SHORTCUTS!" She reiterated seriously it was probably the most assertive Allison had ever been in both her previous life or after life.

Brisk darted her eyes a bit before returning her attention to her friend and agreeing happily. "Alright!" She then slipped out of the doe's grip and walked elegantly out the door with an innocent sort of slyness to her gate. Charlie blinked at the exchange between the two ladies but then noticed the annoyed knowing look Vaggie was giving her.

Apparently the conversation reminded the moth of when she told her partner not to sing at the interview with Katy Killjoy. It caused her to relate the cat lady's bad listening skills to her girlfriend's. Charlie however was confused by the look. "What?" She asked but Vaggie just walked out the door following the chimeress with the worried princess right behind her. "What?" She asked again more desperately before they were outside. They climbed inside the limousine with Briskette and were soon being driven off to their first destination.

Allison stood in the doorway hoping that she didn't make a mistake bringing her assistant here. Before she could even convince herself it wasn't Alastor pulled the doe into a side hug holding her close to himself. "Ah! Miss Blue! You're still here I see." She looked up mumbling something inaudible as she was held against his chest. "Well that's a shame but such is life, unless you're dead! Haha haha! Come dear we have much to do!" He said cheerfully as he walked her to his office before she could protest, her heels scraping against the floor as he dragged her along.

Once the two deer were gone it was just the last three remaining Hazbins left in the lobby with a hand full of patrons at the bar. Niffty jumped up from a stool and pulled out her duster. "Whelp I better get to cleaning some of the rooms..." she giggled before clenching the duster with both hands and turning ominous. "The dust bunny is still lurking around 313." She brooded with a slit pupil before skipping off merrily to fulfil her duties.

Just then Angel groaned after all the craziness he heard as he got up from the sofa somewhat staggering toward a stool to sit. Husk rolled his eyes as he pushed a glass of some kind of thick liquid that was meant to help with the spider's hangover. "So nice of ya to come down after a whole fuck'n day." He said sarcastically. Angel just rubbed his tired face before taking a sip of his disgusting cup of tar soup. He choked back the urge to throw back up the nasty stuff as he retorted to the cat bastard. "Eh...fuck off asshole." He groaned. "Shit I gotta admit though she had some hard coke laced with that candy." The sickly aracnid continued before taking another swig.

Husk just grumbled as he cleaned a glass with a cloth. "Tsk! Whatever! Fuck'n powderpuff." He growled. Angel let out a laugh. "Looks like she's got your tail in a twist." He quipped. "That or ya can't admit to want'n a taste of her sweet cand...mmm mmm mmmmm!" The slut was instantly silence by Husk smooshing a glass cup over his mouth like something out of a Tom and Jerry cartoon. "Don't you dare finish that sentence you piece of shit!" He warned before moving to serve another patron. Angel sulked dejectedly for a bit before removing the cup from his mouth rubbing his previously discomforted face as he sighed and began looking around the lounge absent mindedly.

He could count on one hand how many people were in the lounge and bar. He wondered why the place felt so empty until he realized that the rest of the staff wasn't there. Charlie and Vaggie went shopping with granny sugar-fluff, Nif was off fighting a dust bunny or something and Alastor was...suddenly his idea from yesterday resurfaced causing him to smile vilely. With a wicked smirk and a shift in his sitting position Angel pushed his mystery hangover-curing concoction away and called out to the old bartender. "Aye kitty!" He said.

Husk had just finished serving another patron before answering. "I ain't into that shit!" He said as he gave a thoroughly blitzed bull demon his sixth drink. "I don't wanna fuck for once. I wanna make a bet." The spider said simply. This caused the old chimera to stiffen and his ear to twitch curiously as he took his time to respond. "What kind of bet?" He asked feeling the little prick's smug face burrowing into his back as he grabbed a new cup and a bottle of vodka from the supply.

Angel turned in his stool as he lit a cigarette he got from his fluff and took a puff of smoke before continuing his offer. "Kay so I'm sure you've noticed how Smiles is always eyeing that blue broad like he wants to skewr her alive right?" He asked.

Husk began mixing drinks as he listened. "Yeah so?" He questioned as the kinky spider took another drag. "Well I'm also sure you see a potential new ingredient in Al's next pot of gumbo, I however see room for potential kinky deer fucking." He said vulgarly. Husk's yellow eyes widened when he heard that he paused shaking his mix of drinks as he looked at the little nut.

"You still high on those drugs?" He asked. The slut-for-hire finished his cigarette chuckling mirthfully. "Nah if I was I'd be having too much fun to even be here making this deal." He then put out the bud in the ashtray next to him while Husk thought for a moment. The whore had a point. "Okay first off what the fuck makes you think they'd be into each other? Second why the fuck would you try to make something sexual out of a death glare? And third why the fuck would you make a loosing bet over something like that?" Husk asked trying to clarify the insanity that the pornstar was proposing.

Angel propped his arm on the counter still smirking. "I didn't say they were into each other, just that there's potential. I ain't make'n noth'n out of anyth'n and I wouldn't call it a losing bet, more of an...experiment." He said as Husk poured the mixed drink into the glass. "If noth'n happens you'll get my earnings from work for a year." Angel offered. "Oh no! I ain't gonna risk my hide fuck'n around with Al's sex life, for your damn cooch money!" Husk yelled pointing a claw at the whore. Angel sighed and relented. "Fine wadaya want?" He asked. Husk thought for a minute as he wondered what would be worth getting killed by Alastor for? Eventually he knew what he wanted. "That fancy wine mixer recipe." Angel's eyes widened.

His Rosso Speciale de Ragno wine mixer recipe that's been in his family for generations. His sister gave it to him for his and her birthday a little after she first manifested. He didn't exactly value most of his family members but he still wasn't all too thrilled to be sharing one of its most cherished treasures with just anyone. Even so it was a fair bargin. "Deal." Husk nodded as he took a swig from the bottle of vodka he used for the mix of drinks. Angel the leaned in sensually "And if I win ya gotta..." The chimera raised a paw to the prostitute stopping him mid sentence. "Imma stop ya right there. I ain't fuck'n you or anybody. If we're going to do this we're keeping it within reason, got it?" He demanded. Angel waved his upper hands defensively. "Alright, alright." He then got a thought and smirked again. "No sex but how bout a kiss instead?" The cat bristled at that but figured it wouldn't mean anything so long as there were limits.

"Fine but I ain't kissing ya unless I'm drunk off my ass." He said. Angel just laughed a high-pitched guttural laugh causing the cat's blood to run cold. "Oh no...I mean I'm flattered but you don't gotta kiss me!" He said between laughs. "A kiss ain't gonna do nothing for me if it don't go anywhere beyond that..." Husk wasn't sure yet if he should be relieved or not he'd soon realize that he shouldn't. "No if you loose you gotta kiss the 'Fuck'n Powderpuff'." He said the chimera growled angrily. Why the hell would Angel Dust get off on watching him basically kiss himself was he insane?

Husk didn't like it but once he though about it he was reminded of how far off the spider was with his sexual-tension-senses thinking Alastor would ever want to be with anyone in any sexual way not even if the person looked like him, no matter how narcissistic the bastard was. He was determined to stand by his claim, win that wine recipe and prove the little poof wrong.

With a heavy sigh Husk agreed. "Deal." He said. With that Angel raised his glass high as though making a toast and proclaimed. "Then it's settled; we'll test it out to see if Al gets laid with Allie!" He said then the two clinked their glasses together and drank. Husk brought down his bottle and placed an arm on the counter seriously. "So any rules, do they gotta fuck or what?" He asked Angel thought about it for a moment. "Nah. They don't gotta go all the way. So much as a hot French kiss is sexual enough in Al's case." He said before taking drink. "Hm. Fair, but what if the chick ain't into it?" The spider looked up and tapped a claw on the bottom rim of his glass. He wasn't gonna push this if anyone involved was uncomfortable, he wasn't into noncosensual shit.

"Okay I'll talk to er'. Get to know if she's got preferences or anything. If she ain't into it we call it off, same for Alastor. This maybe an experiment but they got the right ta say no." He said. Husk nodded then took another drink. "Anything else?" Angel thought again then concluded the rules. "Bet ends at midnight the night of the party or whenever we call it off. Other than that can't think of noth'n else but the obvious." He spoke smugly. "Don't tell nobody got it. May the best man win." Husk said before reaching out a paw to the kinky spider who took it glady as they shook on it solidifying the terms of their deal. Husk did not like where this whole thing was going but it would be worth it. He's known Alastor too long to be wrong about his claim and he'd make sure it was proven right.

...

Elsewhere Charlie was mesmerized by the many fabrics in the store she was currently in. Being a lover of rainbows, every color and pattern had her in awe as she felt each one. "There's so many." She exclaimed happily as her girlfriend watched her with a smile. She loved how innocent her girlfriend was. It was one of those rare moments she got to just admire her, however the moment didn't last long as she was reminded why they were even still at the shop. "Hm this looks more like an eggplant purple to me...what do you think Vaggie." Asked Briskette as she held up two purple cloths. Vaggie groaned before responding. "They both look the same just pick one." She urged not wanting to go through this song and dance again.

The cat just continued looking back and forth between the two cloths trying to figure out which one was plum colored. The list that was given to them only implied that plum might be the more suitable shade of purple to go with the gold silverware, magenta ribbons and other decorations. Unfortunately Brisk was under the impression that the fabrics had to be plum and they had been in the store for nearly half an hour trying to figure out which color was the one she needed. Vaggie began muttering Spanish curses as she tried to suppress her burning frustration, recalling how long it took her to pick out which colors were magenta for the ribbons yesterday. It was maddening. Thankfully Charlie noticed Vaggie's plight and tried to calm her down by putting a hand to her shoulder, it only helped slightly. Soon a store clerk came over to check on the three ladies. "Can I assist you ladies with anything?" She asked annoyedly.

The sweet cat turned to her and held up the silky sheets in either hand. "Yes could you tell us which of these is plum?" She asked politely. The demoness just stared at the fabrics in confusion. "I don't think we have plum...unless you're looking for dark purple?" She tried suggesting. Brisk just shook her head. "No we're looking for plum." She reiterated innocently. Vaggie was ready to strangle the crazy bitch but her girlfriend held her back. "Look Brisk why don't we just get a medium shade of purple? That way it won't be too light or too dark to clash with the theme." Charlie suggested. The confused chimeress thought about it as she eyed the other purple cloths and asked. "Is the medium shade plum?" The other women all sighed and face palmed, even the store clerk.

Briskette was very confused. As her mind tried to decipher the mystery of what makes a purple cloth plum, she looked at the fabrics hesitantly. Then it hit her Allison would know which was the correct shade she smiled to the clerk as she voiced her decision. "I know we'll take both!" She exclaimed causing the pair to go wide eyed. They needed eight of the silk fabrics and now that Brisk was going to buy both shades. They'd have twice as many of what they needed. Vaggie couldn't help but think this was going to be a long fucking day.

After making the hefty but long awaited purchase the three women walked out of the store with the last item crossed off the list as Razzle and Dazzle carried the bags. "Okay I think that's everything." The moth said as she consulted the paper. "Yep!" Briskette said smiling sweetly. Vaggie just ignored her and turned to Charlie. "Alright let's get out of here." She said. The princess nodded then looked to her little bodyguards. "Could you bring the car around for us Dazzle?" The goat nodded and took the keys to do his job. "Ooh! We're right near a bakery!...we should go!" Brisk sqeaked as she wedged herself in between the girls looking at the map.The girls both glanced at each other in worry. "I don't think that's such a good idea we've lost enough time as it is." Vaggie said.

"Come on...the bakery isn't that far." She said making a cute pose holding her face almost bashfully. "Damn it Briskette Allison said no shortcuts!" The Latina yelled. "I didn't say anything about a shortcut." The chimeress tried saying innocently. "You were thinking it! We are going home and we are sticking to the map!" Brisk persisted however as she came up from behind the shorter demoness all of a sudden. "But shortcuts are so much fun; you see new things, you meet new people, you learn new things about your mental state you never knew about before..." She listed off happily while Vaggie just stood looking shocked by the last part. "No Brisk. Now get in the limo so we can..." suddenly the elongated vehicle was crushed by a large piece of debris from a distant explosion.

The girls stared in shock at the ruined car disbelieving in their terrible luck. "God damn it! Now we have to walk home!" Vaggie yelled. "You guys think you can fix this up before nightfall?" Charlie asked the twin goat bodyguards responded by holding up wrenches drills and other various tools in a kit. "Ugh! Come on let's see if we can get someone to come pick us up or something. "Or~...!" Brisk sang but before she could finish Vaggie scolded her. "No, no. NO! We are not going to risk anyone getting lost today! Not again! No splitting up. No shortcuts." The moth gestured angrily. "It could be be an adventure ~♡!" The cat sang making Charlie visibly ponder a bit. "It would probably be more productive if..." her thought was ceased by Vaggie dragging her down the sidewalk. "We're sticking to the map." Brisk was trying the girl's patients and it wore thin every time she persisted her notion to basically goof off.

"It'll be faaaaster~!" The chimeress sing-songed persuasively. "THE. MAP!" Vaggie seethed as she held the map up in an iron grip angrily pointing to it before a guy ran by and yoinked the paper from her hand. "HEY!" She yelled as the guy ran off! "Fuck you cun- AAAAH!" The bastard was suddenly engulfed in flames as they shot up from the ground. When they receited only the singed remains of the map was left as it float down into the street. Before the moth could even decided if it was salvageable the map was run over multiple times, stepped on, set on fire [again], then finally peed on by a dog. Vaggie stared in shock while Charlie patted her shoulder trying to think positively. "I-It's okay Vaggie we'll figure this out!" It didn't seem to help as the Latina continued staring off in a catatonic state trying to tell herself that this wasn't happening.

The blonde thought of a solution and blurted out. "We can ask for directions!" This didn't make her feel better but the princess stayed positive as she saw someone walk by. She exhaled and put on her most friendly smile before running over to him. "Excuse me sir..." It was responded with a 'fuck you' but it didn't deter the young royal. All the while Vaggie continued to stare off silently trying to rebuild the broken pieces of her fractured sanity. "Soooooo~....that adventure?" Brisk said as she slinked up to the moth playfully while Vaggie fought back the urge to cry.