Chapter 34 - Realising your feelings

It was raining and the cold reminded him that it was autumn. The earth covering that woody coffin was wet, which made that day unforgettable. His heart squeezed every time the earth covered him, missing him despite his disbelief at his departure.

What would his life be without him?

Raising his brown eyes to the people around him, he could barely make out their faces. They were like shadows. Even so, you could feel the sadness coming from them as, unlike you, they were crying copiously.

Look how much he was loved.

So many people had gathered for his melancholy farewell.

Staring at the white rose he held between his bandaged fingers, the boy sighed against the bandages that wrapped his face before throwing it into the dirt. That would be a misunderstood farewell.

What was death anyway?

Perhaps later he would be able to understand it.

Not a single tear trickled down his cheek that day, even though the rain disguised his sadness well. His whole body ached, whether it was because he still hadn't recovered from the accident or because he couldn't believe he was burying that person.

— Why did he have to leave? Why did he have to save someone who had done nothing but harm to his career?

The cries of someone in revolt were nothing new.

So why did he feel like he was bleeding?

Lowering his head, he saw the blood running down his hands. Pieces of glass stuck into his flesh, and his face burned terribly. With difficulty he turned his head, seeing that person lying unconscious against the car's airbag, without suffering much damage.

Holding out his hand, Nathaniel called out to him.

— #####!

— ...Iel.

Someone called him back, but it wasn't that person.

— ...Niel.

Wait, just a little longer. He had to wake that person up and get him out of there before it was too late.

— Nathaniel!

Opening his eyes suddenly, Nathaniel gasped in fright. Looking around, he realised he was on the sofa in the living room with the television on.

— What...

A tight hug startled him. Blinking dazedly, Nathaniel recognised the smell of his mother's shampoo as she squeezed him tightly as if she was afraid of losing him. There he could hear his own heart beating fast, and even felt sweat dripping down his forehead.

Ah.

He fell asleep in the living room and ended up having another nightmare.

— It's all right, Nath. It was just a dream, hm?

It wasn't a dream.

It was what really happened. Your greatest sin that he would carry for the rest of your life. But he didn't want to contradict his mum, she was already worried enough about him. And from what he could see at the top of the stairs, his stepfather and brother were worried too.

Had he woken them all up?

— I'm fine, Mum. You can go back to sleep.

Breaking the embrace, the beta woman held her son's face with both hands, assessing him seriously and deeply.

— You're hot and releasing pheromones, Nathaniel. Those dark circles under your eyes... how long has it been since you slept properly? And you're still studying so hard... You're going to die of exhaustion!

— Mum, please don't say bad things. I must be in heat or something.

— Take your inhibitor and if you still have a fever, I'll call Dr. Priscilla and ask if I can give you something.

Well, it was true that his body was aching and his head felt heavy. But that was nothing new, the headaches were the result of a bad night's sleep. His lack of rest had always been a nuisance.

— That was fine.

Before the situation turned into something worse - after all, his mother's worry could evolve like a digimon - Nathaniel took the inhibitor and went up to his room to take a shower. He was drenched in sweat, and considering how much his mother had been calling him, he must have slept for a long time.

He was sleepy. He wanted to sleep a little longer, but he didn't want to dream.

Would he have to spend another night awake?

As soon as he got out of the shower and changed, Nathaniel went straight to his computer. His desk was full of books and notebooks that he had used before going downstairs to spend time with his family. He had probably fallen asleep while they were watching Big Brother again.

Sitting down to work on his computer, Nathaniel opened his Orkut profile and found Jake's profile as the first name on the list of recent visitors. Then he remembered what had happened in the abandoned building.

He had to admit that with Jake, he was having a lot of first times. That day was the first time he had felt such tenderness in a kiss. He even believed it when the alpha said he liked his smile.

— He sang a song, didn't he?

Pulling out the earphone cords, Nathaniel picked up the song. He had no idea what the singer was called, but when he typed the lyrics into the search engine, he soon found it. Clicking to listen, Nathaniel followed the melody of the guitar and the soft voice as it began to sing.

"Keep your smile just for me

I'll give you the universe in my gaze

If you feel a chill on your skin

It's my fingers touching you to tell you

I'm a fan of your way

I'm a fan of your clothes

I'm a fan of that smile on your lips

I'm a fan of your eyes

I'm a fan without measure

I'm fan number one and with you I'm a fan of life"

— It really is that song — Returning to the Orkut page, Nathaniel clicked to see the alpha's profile while listening to the song — You mean that you think my smile is beautiful? But I don't smile that much in front of you...

Hugging his legs, Nathaniel turned the song back to the beginning and listened to it again, following the lyrics. Without hesitation, he remembered all the intimate moments the two of them had had together.

Just as the song said, Nathaniel remembered getting goosebumps from Jake's fingers. Every time he touched him, he was covered in goosebumps and unrivalled anxiety. And just remembering it was enough to make him cringe with embarrassment.

On the other hand, he longed for the alpha's touch. It was surprising that he could feel so many different sensations with just one touch. Jake's touch, specifically.

Jake's kiss was also unforgettable. He could still feel the pressure of his lips on his skin.

"I want to convince your heart

That my love was made for you

I want to tell you that this passion

Can't find another way to say...

I'm a fan of your way

I'm a fan of your clothes

I'm a fan of that smile on your lips

I'm a fan of your eyes

I'm a fan without measure

I'm fan number one and with you I'm a fan of life"

Turning the music back to that part, Nathaniel felt overwhelmed by what he had just heard.

"I want to convince your heart

That my love was made for you

I want to tell you that this passion

Can't find another way to say..."

Tum-tum.

Tum-tum.

Why would Jake sing a love song to Nathaniel? It wasn't as if the two of them loved each other like characters in a love story. They were going out because they liked being with each other, but was it love? Or some other feeling that deserved such a beautiful and meaningful song?

Nathaniel would have liked it to be. Staring at his profile picture, the omega sighed as his stomach tickled.

— What a handsome boy — said a muffled voice. Startled, Nathaniel saw his mum looking at his computer — Oh, so he's the Jake we're meeting tomorrow?

Nathaniel quickly stood up and hugged the monitor, hiding Jake's photo. Damn it, he was so engrossed in the music that he didn't even see his mum come into his room!

— M-Mum! Knock next time.

— I did, but you were staring at the computer all flushed and flustered that you didn't even hear me.

— I'm not blushing! Oh, forget it.

— Here, this is the fever medicine in case you feel anything strange. And call me if you need anything, hm?

— All right, thanks — Leaving the medicine box on the table, Nathaniel noticed his mother's gaze — What's wrong?

— You like him, don't you?

Redness covered his face and Nathaniel quickly denied it with his head.

— It's not that, we're just...

— Nobody looks at a photo of someone they don't like. And the way you were looking at your friend's photo... it's clear that you feel something.

— Mum, you can't just come out and say things like that.

— I may not have been as involved in your life as I would have liked, but I know my son very well.

Does he like Jake?

 Why wasn't the idea so bad?

— I... Like him?

Sighing, the woman placed a kiss on her son's forehead and smiled as she left the room.

— I hope he's able to bring you the happiness you deserve, my child.

And with those words, Nathaniel fell into a sea of thoughts. Even though his body continued to bother him, he sat in front of the computer listening to that song and looking at Jake's profile.

He didn't care if he found out about it the next day. Nathaniel wanted an answer.

Of course, the rest of his early morning hours were spent researching the symptoms of "liking" someone. All Nathaniel wanted were answers that refuted this idea, only to be surprised to find the complete opposite.

All the tests in Capricho magazine showed that he really liked Jake.

And the last answer could be put to the test at lunch that day.

Around midday, the Mantovani family was already in the car heading towards the restaurant. Nathaniel squeezed his fingers, feeling his heart about to jump out of his chest. He was feeling a little better, but it wasn't even his physical condition that made him so restless.

He was going to see Jake at work and his family would meet him.

He was worried about what they would think of the alpha.

— Are you nervous, Nath? You keep moving your hands.

— I'm sorry — he mumbled, squeezing his fingers to calm himself down — I'm a bit nervous.

— It's going to be alright, relax.

His brother was tranquillity itself. Of course, he had no idea what kind of relationship Nathaniel had with Jake. It was one thing to say that they were helping each other, but another to detail what that help was like.

What if they didn't like Jake?

Impossible. Jake had some kind of superpower that made people like him. That's why he was always surrounded by people at college. Surely he'll activate the superpower and make his family feel at ease about their relationship.

Won't he?

The journey to the restaurant seemed like torture. Although it wasn't very far, since the town was small, for some reason it stretched on as if there was no end. And when his stepfather parked the car, Nathaniel wished that the road was, in fact, long.

Stepping out of the car and into the restaurant brought him close to a heart attack. Swallowing dryly, Nathaniel looked around and soon recognised the tall man with dark hair and light eyes.

As soon as their eyes met, all the nervousness was gone. The alpha's smile completely brightened his day. For a moment, he had the feeling that he had been thoroughly appraised by Jake, who stared at him so intensely that he almost ran out of air.

It was so meagre that Nathaniel almost didn't notice. That is, if he hadn't been paying attention to Jake too, he probably wouldn't have noticed.

— Hey Nath! — Jake quickly approached, realising the presence of three other people — Hello, welcome!

His mum and stepdad just smiled, greeting the alpha silently. Quickly, the beta jumped forward excitedly.

— Jake! We've brought our family round for a snack, I hope you don't mind!

— Haha, no problem. I'll walk you to the table.

Now that Nathaniel realised it, Jake looked good in his restaurant uniform. He even wore an apron so he wouldn't get dirty.

Why do handsome men look good in anything?

Accompanying his family to the table Jake had booked, Nathaniel realised it was the same as the other time he had been there. However, they hadn't put the tables together and it looked much smaller than before. It was still secluded enough for the omega to feel comfortable without his mask.

He had really thought about his comfort.

— Here's the menu, when you decide you can call me. I'll serve you myself.

— And when will your break be? — Arabella asked, holding up the menu.

— My break? When the traffic dies down.

— Is it okay if we wait for your break?

Would they have to wait until the alpha had a break? Since they had no idea when the flow of customers would slow down, they could end up waiting for a long time. Nathaniel could already feel his head throbbing again because of his nervousness.

He should finish this soon so he could go home and rest.

— Mum...

— What do you say we eat together?

— It would be better if you had lunch first.

— Why?

Jake crossed his arms and looked at Nathaniel, arching an eyebrow.

— Nathaniel doesn't look very well.

Everyone at the table went quiet at the alpha's keen perception. Was it the mark that gave away his condition? It had to be! Or Jake had another superpower.

His face was never the best. That was a fact! Nathaniel still took care to look in the mirror several times before leaving the house to make sure he looked presentable. Or at least minimally presentable.

Not that it was his intention to impress Jake into thinking he was handsome. It was just... Just in case.

— How did you know? — The omega asked after removing his mask.

— How could I not? You look exhausted — Stroking the omega's head, Jake continued to show all his charismatic brilliance — You'd better eat something that won't weigh your stomach down.

Ah.

His heart was racing. He could already feel the numbness enveloping him completely. The ruins had been re-erected before he even realised it.

Feeling Jake's hand on his head was the final proof he needed, and when the alpha left to attend to other tables, Nathaniel followed him, his gaze suddenly feeling empty.

Wherever Jake went, he would know. Not because he was always there, but because it was impossible not to know. Now he was completely aware of his presence.

Now?

How silly. From the moment they met, Nathaniel had been aware of Jake's presence.

Only now did he realise that he liked Jake McKenzie.