Days to Remember (III)

We were still catching our breaths as Father placed his sword inside his hilt. 

"Now a reward for thinking of such a clever stradigity." He said, causing both Jasper and me to look up at him.

"A camp out!" he said with enthusiasm. 

My eyebrows drew together, finding the idea of camping being fished out of nowhere.

Then it clicked, I stared at the smiling face and then at his sword. 

'He will be leaving soon...going to war.'

I am not usually emotional and question most things in life, but today I said, "Okay.." No question asked, no argument, only a big smile.

I smiled with a heavy heart. 

'Come on, Kaan you have seen worst.' I try to rationalize this, this feeling of dread and regret of not being about to help him. 

But I smile nonetheless.

Jasper stared at me like he could see through my lies and deception but I ignored him as Father patted my back and helped me stand up.

"I will go and tell Millard to pack everything." Father said and went inside.

"Young Master..." Jasper said as I stopped smiling and looked at him. 

"You saw through it, huh?" I muttered.

I let out a dry chuckle, running a hand through my hair. "Not like it matters. He's going to leave either way."

"I know," he said, his jaw tightening. 

A silence filled the area, a cold breeze caressing the grass, the orange glow settled in the sky.

He came a bit close. "But you have to understand that it was his decision to fight and that he is strong enough to defeat a whole army coming his way."

"..." I said nothing and moved my gaze to the firelit sky.

I heard a tsk sound and then two arms grabbed my shoulder and turned me. "Young master," his golden eyes looked into my ocean blue ones. "You're allowed to be upset."

I blinked at him.His words caught me off guard—not because they were wrong, but because they were too direct, too honest."I'm not upset," I said automatically.Jasper's expression didn't change."Then why are you forcing a smile like it's a shield?"I inhaled sharply.

I wanted to argue back and tell him that I am not upset, just worried but after looking into his eyes, I remained silent. 

The golden eyes held honesty and sincerity. It showed promise of protection, that even if Father was away, he would always be by my side. 

Trust and loyalty.

"He's not invincible," I muttered without realizing it, my voice barely above a whisper. "No one is." 

Something dark grew inside me. 

It's been a while since I last lost Hope like that. It was one of my strongest powers.

Hoping.

Jasper's hold on my shoulders did not release, his unblinking stare pinning me in place.

"No, he's not," he whispered. "But neither are you."

Jasper had always looked at me more clearly than anyone else. He saw past my confidence, my strategically placed smirks, my relaxed attitude. He understood me, the things I tried to conceal, the thoughts I was afraid to verbalize.

And currently, he could see it.

The uncertainty. The terror. The pressure weighing on my chest.

The black, insidious thought that crawled through my head.

'What if he doesn't return?'

I swallowed my fear, forcing my gaze off his, looking beyond him into the dying sun.

'I had already lost so much.'

The prospect of losing him as well.

A breath in. A reluctant exhale. I balled my fists, getting control.

"I'm not weak," I grumbled, more to myself than to him.

Jasper let out a breath, his hands falling from my shoulders. "I know that."

A moment of silence passed before he spoke again, his voice quieter this time.

"But even strong people are permitted to be afraid."

I disliked that he was correct.

I had spent eternity thinking that my being's purpose was to win and be perfect. But this guy right here opened me up like a book, so casually laying on the desk.

Effortless, like he knew all my past and all the truths. 

It's like he had personally seen it all.

We are 12 years old and have been together for 8 years so it's not that strange that we know each other inside out but Jasper has a weird way of looking through me, as I can always tell if something is wrong with Jasper. 

I am a people pleaser and he is a shut-in so I always think we are a perfect match. 

I chucked when that thought registered in my brain. Jasper looked at me confused but didn't ask about it. 

This was the first time someone had allowed me to be weak. But I keep it for my sake and just tap Jas's shoulders and walk towards the entrance.

He followed me like a shadow and kept the perfect distance between us. 

He always has that perfect distance between us, like he is scared that if he gets close to me, I might do something or the opposite, he might do something, which I had always found a bit odd.

'Now that I think Jas is odd in itself.'

"You keep your distance," I said without thinking.

'I have been doing that a lot recently.'

Jasper blinked, caught off guard. "What?"

I didn't stop walking, I didn't look at him. "You always keep that perfect distance between us. Why?"

A pause.

Too long of a pause.

I turned my head slightly to see Jasper staring ahead, his expression blank, but something flickered in his gaze, something cautious, something restrained. It was there...like desire or grief.

"...Habit," he finally said.That was a lie.

I let it slide, like I always do.

For now.

I scoffed, shaking my head. "Tch. You're weird."

Jasper huffed. "Says you."

A small smirk tugged at my lips. The air between us lightened, just a little. Whatever secrets Jasper carried, whatever truths I ignored, we had time.

For now, we walked side by side, the distance between us as present as ever.

***

I regret every life choice I made if it led up to this.

We were traveling in the usual carriage but the camp spot was up a mountain and even though both me and Jas told my father that we could walk there, he simply refused to let us do that.

"No sense, I can't have a camp with tired kids," he said while practically shoved us back into the carriage.

And begin our painful rocky journey up the mountain.

Both Father and Millard were on horses and somehow Jas and I got stuck on this carriage.

Every turn and every shake caused us to think we were nearing the portal to hell instead of a mountain.

Even I, who had experienced it, felt the similarities. "Jas remind me to never get a carriage when we go on a camping trip again." I say as I grab the window as the carriage starts to turn.

Jas does the same and says, "Definitely, Young Master, that is if we ever go camping again." We both chuckle as the bumpy ride continues. 

The carriage jolted once more, almost tossing us to one side. I groaned, holding on to the seat. 

"This is torture," I grumbled. 

Jasper sighed and slumped back. "This is your Father's idea of fun."

I glanced outside, he and Milard rode ahead untroubled while we endured. Typical.

But even with the excruciating ride, the frustration, and the anxiety over Father's leaving, I couldn't help but smile.

Because for the moment, we were here. Together.

The mountain rose before us, the stars starting to break through the darkening horizon. Whatever lay ahead, we'd meet it.

Jasper looked at me. "You're smiling again."

I laughed. "For now."