CHAPTER 53

After reaching the hospital, both Gray and Ed were taken to the operating room. Meanwhile, the dean of the hospital requested to have a word with me. I was in no state to seek any discussion, as I was completely blank. As usual, Thomas stepped in, followed by my dad, and accompanied Dean to his cabin.

When they were done with the discussion, both joined me and my sister Edwina. I was staring at the floor, and my mind was in chaos. I was rewinding my memories with both Ed and Gray. Most of my memories of Ed. Ed was with me at every stage of my life and never left my side, even when his feelings were not reciprocated. I wanted Ed in my life, but not in Ed's way. Ed was good in every way—in fact, too good for me—but why we needed a label or to enter into a relationship was beyond me. Everything was as good as it was, and now things are suffering.

I was clear from my side, but things ended this way. My decision to distance myself from Ed was right, and I should have fucking thought about it before having sex with him once again. His hopes were up, and I led him. How in hell can someone love to the extent of ending their own bloody life? Is it worth it for a heartless bastard like me? What the hell was Ed thinking before committing such a thing? Am I fucking moved by his stupid act? But it definitely hurt like hell. He was so important to me; how could he do such things in front of me? For me? Because of me? Why?

I made everything worse. I should have never come back. How many times have I cursed myself for coming back, I was not getting it and the outcome was screaming about my reckless behavior.

Where the hell I did go wrong?

Misunderstanding messed up everything. Party, PDA It was fucking nothing. We could have fucking talked. Was I in a position to answer any of Ed's questions, or would he be satisfied with my answers? If anything happens to Ed, what the hell am I going to do? My world would be upside down. No, it should never happen. Nothing should happen to him.

The doctors and nurses started coming out of the operating theater and the doctor informed us to follow them to their cabin. We were in the cabin, and I don't want to hear any fucking bad news. I want Ed back.

By clearing his throat, Dr. Barman spoke. "The operation was successful, and both patients are out of danger. They will gain consciousness by tomorrow."

Thank God, it was good news, and I saw Thomas, who let out a sigh of relief after hearing the doctor's words. Ed was his only son and everything to him after his wife died, and I get him totally. Everyone was relieved and tired. I was exhausted.

Both Thomas and my dad forced us to go back to the mansion, promising I would be informed immediately once Ed gained consciousness. I wasn't left with any energy to oppose, so I obliged.

After reaching the mansion, my sister didn't let me go to my room. I was not sure why. Her persistence made me give up, and I chose one of the guest rooms. After getting fresh, I was lying in bed anxiously waiting for Ed to gain consciousness and contemplating how to face him and what to say to him. The most important question was how he was going to react. Would he let me see him? Would he? I hope so. Fingers crossed.

I was woken up by my cell ringing, and it was from my dad. Hastily, I picked up the call, and my dad informed me that Ed had gained consciousness. Immediately, I rushed into the bathroom to take a shower. I got ready and came out of the room. My sister was waiting for me, and we made our way to the hospital.

After reaching the hospital, I rushed toward Ed's ward. When I entered, Thomas was beside Ed crying, and I could also see tears in Ed's eyes too. Slowly, I made my way toward Ed. Our eyes met for a few seconds, but he averted it immediately. My sister started crying while holding Ed.

After a few minutes, everyone excused themselves, and we were left alone. I sat beside Ed on the same bed, and I was studying his face. Ed was not facing me and was staring at the ceiling. We were silent, and I was not sure what to say to him.

"I am sorry." Followed by his tears. "Ed." "Truly, I am. I didn't want to hurt Gray. In fact, I had planned everything perfectly so that he would be less hurt, but I couldn't hold it when I faced reality. My anger took over me." "We could have talked, Ed." "And hear the same old bullshit from you. I was ok. Trust me, I was ok with your bullshit thing. I was okay with you fucking around. I was ok with being a fuck buddy. I was fucking okay with everything only until Gray came into the picture. Why, Josh, has everything changed?" "Nothing changed; I told you what my plan with Gray was. I wanted to lead him to a good life and settle like us. That's it." "Trust me, I want to believe whatever you are saying, but your actions speak differently. I am sorry for everything." "Stop apologizing, please. Stop it. Please don't cry. Since yesterday, I have seen hell in everything. You know how much you mean to me, yet you ended up doing such things in front of me. How could you, Ed?" "I couldn't stop myself. I was sucking up every act, but I do have a limit, right? How many years can I pretend everything was ok and act like I was fine when I was bloody suffering?" "Ed." I was not sure how to respond to that one, and his teary eyes were killing me. "Don't worry, I am not going to repeat my mistake and push everyone into misery. This was stupidity. I will try to cope with everything, I promise. You should leave now, Josh. I need to rest." "No, I won't; I can't." "I am okay, trust me. I think your attention should be more on Gray than me. Go, Josh." "No, I won't." "How many days? You can't pretend that you don't care about him by being here, right?" "Ed." "I am not complaining; I need to get over it. I know." "There is nothing between us. I wanted him to settle into his life, and that's it. Nothing else." "Right." "Ed." "I am tired, Josh. Leave me alone, please. Medicines are kicking in. I need to sleep now." Take a rest. I am not going anywhere." "Your wish. It was always your way, and I can't change that no matter what." 

Ed was off to sleep, and I was staring at him for a few seconds without blinking my eyes. He looks pale, and his wound is a reflection of my mistake. Fresh tears were dropping from his eyes by scooting closely. I was wiping them, and I couldn't stop mine. I took his hand into mine and kissed it, and my mind started cascading back to our childhood memories.

Why? I am not able to reciprocate his feelings. I was hurt for sure from the incident, but nothing more than that. I am willing to do anything to keep him safe and see to it that he doesn't repeat his mistake. What was this?

My attention was solely on Ed and Ed only. I totally forgot about Gray and about his condition. I was making my way to the doctor when my sister stopped me. "Where are you going?" "How is Gray? How is his condition?" "At last, I thought you would never ask." "Not now, and I don't think I am going to get any answer from you." "Oh, maybe we are siblings, but I am not heartless like you. He has still not gained consciousness. Thomas and Dad are in touch with the doctors." "Ok, I need to see him." "He is in the ICU, and no one is allowed." "OK, let me talk to the doctor." "Go ahead and try to be discreet at this time. Please think of Ed before acting up about his condition. He is still not recovered, so don't let your action affect him." "What are you trying to say?" "Think about Ed; is it too much to ask? He may be out of danger, but there are chances of him going into depression. He has been affected psychologically." "What about Gray?" "We are going to take care of him. Ed needs you. How much he has done for us. Please think of Thomas." "But." "I know I am not your mother, but at least take my advice once in a while. For now, give your complete attention to Ed; he is still recovering. Rest we will take care. I will update his condition, ok?" "Ok."

It was the second day in the hospital, and there were still no changes in Gray's condition. Ed was not acting in his usual way. He was not talking, only responding when asked for, or else he would be silent, staring, particularly nowhere other than my face. For sure, the wound was healing, and he was out of danger, but his face was paler than before. Forcefully, he was gulping down everything, including his food. Everyone was worried.

I was in Ed's ward. "Ed. How many days are you going to be this way? Won't you talk to me forever?" "It's harder for me to. Give me time, Josh." "I am not able to see you this way, and it's killing me." "When you started using this sentimental dialogue, Are you okay?" "You know I won't pretend with you." "I know. Give me some time, will you? How is Gray? Once again, sorry." "Stop with your apologizing; he is still unconscious. He is out of danger." "I am feeling guilty for what I have done to Gray. I should have restrained myself. "Stop it. Please concentrate on your recovery. I am sure Gray is going to be okay. By nodding his head, he was again staring nowhere.

By evening, the doctor had called us to his cabin. We were in his, and for some reason, he was thinking too much to open his mouth, and that only meant something was fucking not right. We were in silence for a few minutes, and I couldn't take it anymore. "Doctor." "Yeah, yeah." By clearing his throat, he was contemplating before speaking. "The other patient, Grayson, His condition is normal. Everything is normal, but sorry to say this, he has gone into a coma. We did everything; trust us, everything is normal; he is not waking. We have done our best, but few things will be out of our hands, and this case is one of those." "Like my mother?" "No, it's completely different. Your mother's condition was worse due to the accident, she was severely damaged. In Grayson's case, everything is normal; we cross-examined everything. But he is not waking." "I am not getting how it's even possible." "It happens when patients are not positive, lose their hope, and then nothing works on them." "Then he won't wake forever." "No, as I said, this case is not like your mother's one. As everything is normal, he may take some time to wake up." "You are saying that he is willingly in a coma." "Something like that. He is out of danger, and his condition is normal, but he is not waking. In this type of situation, we should wait; nothing could be done. We are doctors, not gods. He is out of danger, and that's really a miracle. The condition was worse when you guys brought him. Thank God for that. He will wake up. I am sure of that, but as I said, we should wait. Nothing can be done other than that. I am really sorry."

I was baffled. What the hell was he talking about beyond me? How is it even possible? I was staring at the doctor so he could give a concrete answer. "Joshua few things beyond medical terms. As I said everything is normal. We have done our best now we should wait. If you want, you can go for a second opinion."

This room started to suffocate me, and I excused myself. There were so many emotions that started flooding like a tsunami. How the hell do things end this way? I never intended. I wanted his life to be better, and I made it even worse. He drifted into a coma. There was so much that was happening within me like so much. I felt lost, everywhere felt aching most in my chest part, something was ripping off from me and everything felt surreal.

I was not aware of the tears that were flowing until my sister gave me the handkerchief and we stayed in silence.

After a few minutes, she broke the silence. "We decided not to inform Ed anything. His condition may be worse; he is barely responding, and if he comes to know about Gray's condition, I am sure he will go into depression and never come back." I nodded my head. I was not sure how to respond to anything. "I know what you are thinking. He won't end up like Mom; don't worry. We had another round of conversations with the doctor, and he has given assurance. He will definitely wake up someday." Again, I could only nod my head. "Dad and Thomas were thinking that you should concentrate on the company more, so you could divert your attention. I will take care of everything. Do you want to visit Gray? The doctor has given permission." "I don't think I can see him that way. Not now. I should digest everything and make up my mind." "Ok. Ed is woken up. His eyes were searching for you." By nodding my head, I made my way toward Ed.

Before entering, I controlled my emotions and wiped away the tears that were threatening to flow. I was somehow successful in suppressing the tears, but I was not able to stop the ache that was passing through.