Chapter 35: Letting it sink in

The next few weeks went by surprisingly quick, before he knew it, it was the next month. The month he was finally discharged.

Susan was there, along with Ms. Chirp. The women helped lead him to the doctor's car where she took them to her home before he had said goodbye to the therapist. Ms. Chirp had said she would be coming to visit him for the normal session to see if he had been getting better. Cameron believed he was, he no longer needed to take so many of his medications. Only one a day, which was a big leap from before.

Susan had done a lot of work in adopting him, she mostly did that without him there so he wouldn't get so stressed. He did however have to talk with a few people and sign some things to show his agreement. Other than that, he was left alone to heal.

He was oddly excited when encountering the new home. Susan's home. 

His new home.

He felt his nerves spike, his heart stretch into pieces. He found himself leaning onto the taller woman for comfort. He had gotten better a lot, his wounds have healed and allowed him to start walking. He still had a limp, having to have crutches by his side at all times, other than that being the only problem he had..

He had the same dream. It was like plaguing him, taunting him over and over again. He would wake up sweaty, delirious and his head would hurt. He didn't understand why it was Kim Seo. 

Why was he there?

He hoped that being in a new environment would help him, stepping out of the stuffy hospital room felt amazing. The house was nice, big and very comfy. Susan led him to his new room, allowing him to be close to her with his own stuff being set up. After he was all set up, she told him to get dressed and comfortable.

Cameron didn't know what to do at first, so he sat in the bathroom for a few minutes. He didn't like to be left on his own, his mind was a ticking time bomb that would at any moment freeze his bones and body into nothing.

He turned on the water, letting the cool water drip through his hair. It felt nice, his sluggish arms running up to comb through his matted hair. Susan gave him real clothes, he no longer had to wear the hospital gown for weeks on end. She gave him some gray sweats along with a long purple T-shirt with a university symbol.

The only thing that irritated him was having to bandage up his wounds all over again. His arms were the hardest, covering up all the scars and faded bruises so he could hide away all the pain. It was both mandatory and a sense of safety for him. He didn't like his injuries to be seen. Even if it was only by Susan.

He finished, sighing loudly at the stinging pain from his bruises. He finished, jumping down the stairs to where Susan was picking up the kitchen. Cameron stiffly walked in, making his way over to her side, she heard him come over, a smile lifting her lips.

"Sorry about how big they are, I will get you some new clothes later alright?" 

Cameron nodded, slightly numb to the new spaces. Susan noticed, motioning him to go and sit on the stool on the kitchen island. He did so, watching her hum lightly to herself before she started speaking again. "I have a big family. My mom, dad, and siblings come over from time to time and bring their children to stay the night."

"Is that why your house is so big..?"

Susan laughed lightly, "no. I used to have a husband, we planned on having a big family before we divorced."

"Oh.." Cameron felt awkward, not wanting to discuss the issue at all.

Susan noticed his slumped forward, giggling softly while taking a few things out form the fridge to set them on the counter. "I just wanted to warn you ahead of time. This house isn't always so quiet and bare, my family comes unannounced at times."

"That's alright.." Cameron hummed to himself, taking his eyes to watch the swaying of lights above him. "I have no problem.. I am already really grateful for all you have given to me.."

His low voice caused a sad smile on the doctor's face. She finished pulling some things from the cabinet, turning her eyes over to the boy with her hands on her hips. "Alright, come on now."

"Huh?" The boy looked up to her.

She motioned to her side. "Come on, we are going to make some fried rice together!"

The smile on her lips warmed the boy's heart, causing his shaking limbs to move over to her side. She helped him start with cleaning the vegetables before she went over to help him cut them, as he got around to it, he was given the already steamed rice from the fridge. As they started to talk, Cameron slowly allowed himself to feel at ease. They moved around the kitchen, helping each other out with certain things with ease.

The boy started to bat the eggs, finishing the batter just as Susan started the stove for him. She continued to talk with him, causing some small talk between the two that felt natural and warm. The atmosphere felt nice. For the first time in a long time, Cameron was comfortable in the kitchen.

They finished, Susan told him to go sit on the couch while she put the fried rice on some plates for them. She traveled over, to him, crossing her legs before handing the boy his plate along with a can of soda.

"I haven't had soda in years." The boy giggled to himself, popping it open to sip from.

"Do your parents allow you to drink that stuff?" The woman turned the TV on, keeping a keen eye on his reactions.

"No, they don't even let me eat any sort of junk food." The boy giggled to himself, looking towards the TV that started to play a game show. "So I would just steal some when I had the time. It was bad, yeah, but it seemed to be the only thing that got my parents attention."

Susan shook her head. "They shouldn't even be considered as 'parents'."

The boy turned to her, stuffing his face with the fried rice. Susan noticed his big eyes, chuckling to herself before she patted his head. Cameron blushed, turning away, embarrassed at the affection. He was never one to even receive such things, but now that he had been in Susan's care, it seems to be the woman's second nature.

She would also lovingly touch him, sooth his hair, gently hug him and everything. Cameron wouldn't admit it, but he liked the way she did so. He was just too embarrassed to even admit that he liked having the attention.

They finished eating, watching the rest of the TV show before Susan shooed both of them to bed. Cameron went to his room, getting dressed before he was set in bed. It was quiet, it kinda reminded him of being back in the hospital room. He pulled the cover over his head, trying not to think about it.

But no matter how much he told himself not to think about it, the thoughts always came racing back. Even in his dreams, he was the least safe there. Kim Seo found his way back to him, slugging deep into his heart and mind that replaced the same heart wrenching scene over and over again. 

Cameron woke up in a sweat, his body shaking from the adrenaline. He shook his head, huddling his knees up to his chest with a faint mark of tears in his eyes. He didn't understand why it was like this, why he kept remembering the same thing over and over again..

He felt both guilt and dread.

The look on the older boy's face when he spoke his name, all Cameron is able to do is hold onto him and plead for him to stay. The dread of knowing that he will wake up, that he won't be able to save him and the boy would be lost in the darkness.

And that guilt.. the guilt of him blaming the boy for his own death. For all of their deaths, for getting them lost…

Cameron found himself outside of Susan's room, slowly stepping over to her side with a timid and shaking hand. The woman allowed him to come and sleep beside her, tossing the blanket over both of them while cuddling the boy close to her, she slowly fell back to sleep.

That left Cameron close to her body, the humble feeling of her breath behind him made his eyes feel heavy. He felt very tired all of a sudden, letting himself fall back to sleep. But this time, with a much clearer mind and easy body.

The next day felt somewhat the same, the days started to go by a bit quicker. Susan was on the way to try and enroll him into a different school, somewhere where he didn't have to go to a Delinquent Cord. Cameron felt like he deserved to go to one, he was a delinquent after all, that wouldn't change.

"No you're not, no child deserves to be treated like a criminal." Susan would tell him over and over again that he was wrong. She would keep on trying to find the perfect school for him. Sitting on the kitchen island with him while he ate breakfast. She had a laptop where she was trying to find the school.

She had a problem though. Every school would only accept him into a Delinquent Cord. It was because of his record, both being a delinquent and being in Michi had given him a bad rep. Not to mention what had happened in Tail Creek Forest. The doctor still tried, she could either give him a new background, or home school him.

Cameron preferred the latter, which is what the doctor agreed on.

The nights had been becoming better, the boy would sometimes come over to her room to try and chase the dreams away. Susan never said no to him. Soon, Cameron faced the darkness in his room alone. He didn't want to continue to bother the doctor, so he pushed through his fears, his dreams that started to numb him to his trauma. 

Susan noticed it, and brought it up during one of their sessions with Ms. Chirp. The therapist mentioned it to the boy, asking about his dreams.

"I just keep remembering what had happened to him. To Kim Seo…"

"What happens in your dream?"

Cameron gulped, pulling one of his knees up into his chest for comfort. "I just have him in my arms like before. He dies.. like before… And I can't do anything." The boy shook his head, unable to take in a proper breath. "It's weird. I am both angry and sad when I am with him.."

"Are you still blaming yourself?"

"Who wouldn't…!?" Cameron pushed his hand to his eyes, refusing to cry once again. He had already cried too many times in front of them. "I was at fault.. but I am still mad at Kim Seo for getting us lost. I'm still so angry even when he is gone..!" The boy scoffed to himself, "it's like he is haunting my dreams or something…" 

Ms. Chirp made eye contact with Susan who sat behind Cameron. The therapist continued to ask a few things, finishing the hour of their session quickly. Cameron went up stairs to continue unpacking the things the doctor bought him.

That left the two women sitting in the living room with silence. Ms. Chirp ended it with a hard sigh, "I am starting to believe that he can't let go of that boy."

"Is.. that bad?" Susan asked with worry in her voice.

"Yes. The dreams are like a constant reminder for him of what happened. The truama he went through, he won't get better with that constant reminder."

"Do you know why it's happening?"

Ms. Chirp stopped, tapping her pen on the clipboard with an indifferent face. "I.. it could be about his anger towards the boy. How he had said before that Kim Seo, the boy, had gotten them lost in the first place. Cameron is feeling guilty over his anger at him, which is probably why the dreams still happen."

Susan looked down while Ms. Chirp began to pack her things up. Before she left, Susan went over to her. "So there is no way for him to get better?"

The shorter woman shook her head, "no- there is. He has to forgive himself. He has to forgive him."

Susan felt her heart prickle, her eyes feel hot before she responded with a heavy heart. "Should I take him to the memory service..?" She felt light headed, "I didn't want to tell him. I thought it would make him feel worse, but.. do you think it would help him?"

Ms. Chirp gave her a look, opening the door behind her. "It would do something for him."

. . . 

She told him. Susan had powered through and actually told Cameron when and where the service was. Which is how they ended up in front of Michi at 5pm on a Saturday. Susan was by his side, lending him the comfortable warmth he feared might run away.

It felt weird, he was faced with the new reality of the school. Weird, it was like he was back in school, looking out into the courtyard where the others would mess with him. They walked past the trees and fences, Cameron gulped at the way it looked, his hands felt clammy and body felt too cold on the sunny day.

Susan had given him a hoodie to pull over, the boy wanted to cover his face from the others. He had a weird reason to do so, he was scared that the people would recognize him, he didn't want to recognize anyone.

Just like the familiar voices that drafted through his ears once he entered the front doors. He knew those loud voices, the jumbling of whispers that were both crude and horribly familiar.

"I just don't know why we are here."

"Cause we were close to the dumbass guy!"

The voices turned to whispers as they passed, they were all at the end of the school in the back where the auditorium was. It was where the pictures of the students were, it was where the teachers stood up on a podium to speak out about them. The students all line up, standing next to one another in classes with the Delinquent Cord in the back. 

Where Damian was.

"Fuck, who would have thought that Kim Seo would go out that quickly.." The snickers from the boys made Cameron's blood begin to boil. He stayed next to the doctor, stopping just at the entrance as the teacher up front gave out a speech about the kids. 

The body eyes landed on the pictures, it was lined up with Vinh, Loire, Marie, and Kim Seo. Seeing their faces made Cameron's heart hurt, his eyes felt heavy from the sudden rush of emotion. Along with that was the rising irritation of the boys beside them. They were closer to Cameron's side, their snickers and mocking words hitting every core in his body.

"And he was talking about how top dog he was!"

"Now look where he is, fucking dead."

"The stupid pieces of shit.."

His hands clamped down hard, his nails digging into his palms. The hood covering his face felt heavy, he moved his head in their direction, his glare directed at the older boy who leaned on the wall. They continued to whisper nasty remarks until the boy's eyes landed on Cameron's.

His face went pale, his eyes wide with shock and horror at seeing the other boy. The other noticed the change, looking over to him where the younger's piercing glare made a ripple through the group freeze. Their faces changed, a sense of fear and horror in their expressions.

It seems like they remembered what Cameron had done, closing their mouths in an instant. It allowed Cameron to instead listen to the teacher up front, his body going back pressed against Susan with the only sound being the speakers of the teacher's voice.

It was until it was over, students went back to class while a few lingering people like the parents and a few teachers stayed behind. Cameron and Susan were one of them.

The boy came forward, looking at the pictures of his friends. A few flowers along with cards sat in front of them. Cameron would guess that it came from their parents. Since none of the students here cared for them. Not even the teachers cared.

Vinh's was obvious, she had a lot of cards with childish drawings on some of them. They were from her siblings that a few stayed in front of her image. It also had some stuffed animals and flowers lined up with the little images. It made Cameron feel sad, but also happy. They still loved her truly..

Loire's had a few flowers with some incense and rocket toys. They weren't a lot like Vinhs, Cameron would guess that it came from her parents. The parents who kneel in front of the image with their heads low. He couldn't read their expressions, but he could see the slumped shoulders.

Marie had her parents there, standing in front of it, talking to a few teachers that had the young girl for a short time. Ms. Kurk was there, nodding solemnly while the mother placed a few baskets of fruit and some teddy bears for the child.

That left Kim Seo's. His was empty.

His eyes never left the boy's face, the picture of his school photo that stood in the dark, forgotten. Nothing was on his stool, he was left alone from the rest. It was empty, no one came over to see him, no parents or even siblings came to his side. Cameron kneeled down in front of the picture, his eyes never leaving the boy's face.

"Such evil people.."

Cameron looked up to Susan, seeing her seethe under her breath to herself. He understood what she meant, she was talking to his parents. Or the lack of them, he was left alone in the big room which is an evil thing to do. Susan knelt down with him, she felt like she should say something to Cameron. But she fell short.

Cameron stayed seated for a long time. He didn't keep track of the time, just his limp arms on his side while he tried to stop himself from bursting into a fit. He felt all sorts of emotions, so much anger, sadness, and that awful feeling of guilt hitting him in his chest. He thought, should he say something? 

What should he do..?

What should he say?

The boy looked back up, the slight silence that went through the open room from people leaving made his mind all the more clearer. It might have been a bad thing.. if so, it gave the boy an open mind to speak, to think..

But he did not know what to say. What to do.

"Cameron?" Susan called for his attention, bringing his eyes over to her. "You can say whatever you want. That is why you are here.."

He turned back to the other boy, seeing the ghost of him in the shadow, standing above him. It still felt so empty, his heart tightened and his throat bobbed like a fish out of water. "I'm.. sorry…" The voice came out short, it was quick but heavy. Cameron lowered his head, unable to meet the boy's plastered eyes again. "It wasn't your fault.. it never was."

He felt his eyes grow more heavy, his vision swayed and blurred at everything around him. He lost senses of the ground, the soft leverage of Susan beside him. All he could feel was the hammering in his heart growing louder.

"T-Thank you.." He finally managed to force his head up, his eyes catching the boy's face. "Thank you for keeping your promise."

Susan didn't understand, but to see the sad tear falling by the boy made her smile sadly. She pulled him into a hug that lasted minutes until she finally released. Cameron coughed, wiping his eyes in the silence of the dead place. 

The doctor looked around them, "everyone must have left." She turned to the boy, "are you ready to go?"

Cameron kept his eyes on Kim Seo, looking at all of his other friends down the line with a light feeling in his heart. "I want to stay a little longer." He finally looked back at the woman.

She gave a small nod before standing up. "I will wait for you outside," a small pat on his head and she left through the doors. 

It was just Cameron. He was alone now, faced with his friends that looked back at him. 

The light in his heart felt surreal, it had been a while since he felt such a way. So he welcomed it, he welcomed the light feeling with a smile. As he did so, his legs traveled back and forth, looking at all of his friends with a faint smile.

Susan waited for minutes outside, she took to talking with a few passing teachers. It felt like an hour had passed, a teacher she learned was named Ms. Kurk came over to her side. The woman looked into the empty space, she made a sad face. "Cameron huh.. I feel so sorry for him, he had to witness all that and live with it.."

Susan met her sad eyes once she moved over to the side. "Cameron is strong." The doctor nodded, "he will get through this."

The teacher giggled, slightly confused at the older woman. "I had Marie for a short time, she was a lovely girl." The teacher shook her head, smiling to herself, "as were the rest of the kids, they did not deserve such a death.."

Susan gave her a look, seeing the sad expression on her face. Before she could speak, Cameron came out to her side. Her face lit up, now ignoring the teacher beside her. "Are you ready to go?"

Cameron nodded, his face lifted with ease, "yeah."