Atonement

I bring Airi back to the temple and head to Kyouta's home. He hasn't contacted me yet, but I'm sure that he would need my support now.

I call him after arriving at his house. He picks up the phone with a depressed grumble.

"Hey, I'm in front of your house." 

"Coming." His voice sounds groggy. I briefly greet his parents who are in the living room.

"I probably don't have to ask you how it has been?" I take a seat on the small couch in his bedroom and Kyouta sits down beside me with a long sigh.

"Awful. Just awful."

He buries his face in his hands and leans forward on his knees. 

"I just told her everything. And her reaction got more and more devastated. It didn't start that bad at first and when I explicitly told her what my feelings were, it didn't even seem to bother her initially. But I guess it took a while for my words to really sink in and when I explained in more detail, her expression got worse." He shakes his head.

"I know that this is a huge burden on her, especially in her current situation. I also know that she took her time to consider my words properly, but in the end she just cried and called me the biggest oblivious idiot on this entire planet." His body vibrates as he laughs bitterly. 

"She's right though. I am the biggest oblivious idiot on this planet. Probably even in the entire galaxy. I can't even imagine what she is going through now. If Ren is going to confront me in the next few days, I would gladly give him my face to get punched. I'd deserve that."

I aim for his shoulder and punch him with mild force. "Ouch!" Kyouta gasps in surprise.

He rubs his shoulder and sighs once more. "You have too much mercy with me." He leans back into the backrest of the couch. "I was able to say everything I needed and wanted to say. It is stupid of me to think that I had a real chance, she's way too good-hearted and loyal. But..I just had this very small glimmer of hope that she would somehow reciprocate my feelings or at least..say anything that I wished to hear from her at that moment." 

"What did you wish for her to say?"

"I'm not sure. Honestly, if she would have simply returned my confession, it wouldn't have been her. I don't want to project any expectations onto her, but realistically speaking, there was no way on earth for her to say anything in my favour."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." It would've been quite unlike her to plainfully return his feelings. Chiye and Ninako are both very compassionate, a decision that would obviously hurt a very dear person just for the sake of another would take some time and thoughtful consideration. Ninako's circumstance in particular with her earnest relationship with Ren and their future plans hindered her to make a choice at that moment, even if her heart might have said otherwise.

  "Aaaahhhhh!" Kyouta suddenly exclaims while stretching out all of his limbs.

"But I'm somewhat relieved that I finally got to tell her my feelings. I know that the timing was really the worst, but the remorse would have eaten me up sooner or later if I didn't confess at all. So now, I guess I can move on and close this chapter. Maybe she will accept me as her friend again someday." He looks at me with wishful eyes and a bitter smile.

"But first I have to atone for her pain and the mistakes of the past. Simply dumping all of my feelings onto her is not what I wanted."

I nod in agreement and return his smile. "That's very mature of you to consider this as well."

He works up a crooked grin. "That's what love is all about isn't it? It's not about my own selfish feelings and wishes, but also hers. I wouldn't dare to call it love if her happiness wouldn't stand above mine and if I forced her to deal with it on her own just to relieve myself from my own stupidity."

"Do you want to ask her for another meet up?"

He nods. "Yeah, I have to. But I'm not even sure if she wants to see me now. Or ever again." He grumbles. "I can't blame her."

"Talking again after giving her some time to really think about it is the only thing to mend your relationship. I think otherwise it would be over entirely without any future hope for your long-standing friendship." Given the fact that I know that Ninako is indeed taking her time now to consider all factors for a decision, I try to make him understand that giving up their platonic friendship to just bury the feelings is not the only viable option. 

"Yes, probably. That's the only way to show her my sincerity."

"Should I tell Chiye to cancel our plans for tomorrow?"

Ninako would have probably cancelled tomorrow anyways, but since the situation is clear for all four of us we don't expect to meet up anyways. But just for the sake of maintaining normality, an official cancellation would be good. 

"Are you actually official yet?" He makes a counter question instead of answering mine.

"What?" 

"Chiye and you. Aren't you dating?" Kyouta looks at me with his eyebrows raised.

I can't really hide my perplexion and his surprised expression grows. 

"Wait! Wait a minute! You are not a couple?" He jumps up and turns towards me. 

"No we aren't." My confirmation comes out unfazed.

"I thought you were! Since middle school! Or at least since we graduated from high school.." He sits down again looking confused. "Man, here I thought you both were just overly considerate and private. How's that? Aren't you in love with each other?"

I can feel my cheeks blushing. "Am I not here to console you about your love problems?"

He punches me lightly. "You should distract me from my love problems with your love affairs! So what is going on between you and Chiye if you are not even a couple?"

Even though I had my epiphany about my own feelings just two days ago, I haven't really had much time to give it any more thought. I don't even know what Chiye thinks of me exactly and above all what she feels towards me. 

I know that I've been closer to Airi ever since she took over, but it is a combination of her bold confidence and my self-explanatory attraction towards Chiye. The timing of my realisation couldn't be any worse too. The way that Airi and I act with each other is different from the way Chiye and I interact, so it complicates things. We share a kind of familiarity that Chiye and I haven't had. At least the physical aspect of it. However, it might be more natural and easier for Airi since she retained everything from Chiye, that might be one of the reasons why she has no hesitancy towards me. Except for the recent events, where she was a little more timid.

"Well, I don't know what Chiye feels for me exactly and we have never really talked about this either. It just never was a topic, everything was simply natural." I'm still thinking about how to reply to his questions while unravelling my own inner thoughts.

"Everyone thought that you were an item! You basically did everything that a couple would usually do, except the touchy-feely things." He makes an irritated face.

That's true. Except for the physical affirmations, our relationship would probably give the impression of being more than just being friends with one another. I just never really thought that I could truly fall in love with someone, since the red threads were indicating that there is something like a fated partnership. But how am I supposed to find my destined partner? Most of the people that I met already had a red thread which wasn't connected to me in any way. Maybe, it was also from what I witnessed from my parents. The way that they loved each other and acted towards each other was, in my eyes at least, the only way that I wanted to love and be loved.

And in my eyes there was no such thing like a fated partner for me either way. I don't have a red thread. So, I naturally assumed that I couldn't love someone in a way that fates partners would. So what's the point of stealing away someone else's partner? 

Yet, when thinking about it, it couldn't have been anyone else other than Chiye for me. 

If I was allowed to love anyone on this planet, regardless of our destiny, then I would always choose her. 

It might be influenced by the fact that I can't see her red thread as well, so it doesn't feel like stealing her away from her fated partner, but the way Chiye takes part in my life is something that I don't want to lose. 

Especially now that I know that my feelings are love in a romantic sense, losing Chiye would be immeasurably cruel. I probably hid behind the pretence of wanting to be the unbiased bystander to cover for my own cowardness. 

The memory of Airi's comment flashes in my consciousness. She pitied Chiye for not having a relationship yet and it sounded like she saw me at fault. Which, now in hindsight, is true. 

Airi was right and I couldn't overcome myself to take our friendship to another level. 

Certainly, Chiye could've made a move as well, but given her personality she didn't want to risk complicating our friendship and was content with our status quo. Besides, she dedicated herself to the temple, so a relationship could be a little bit more challenging. 

The frustration of myself wells up inside me. 

"Aaaahhh!" I imitate Kyouta and stretch out on the couch, sinking deeper into it. "It's simple I love her, she's probably the only one that I could ever love this way, but it is also so complicated!" I sigh.

He laughs wholeheartedly and pats my shoulder. "Isn't it? But you still have a good chance! Just go and tell her right? I can't imagine her rejecting you, isn't she like waiting for you to finally confess anyway?"

I grit my teeth briefly. He doesn't know about the current situation of Chiye and even less about Airi who is inside of her body. So, of course in theory I could go and tell her, but my words wouldn't reach the right person. For a brief moment, I wonder how Airi would react.

She already mentioned my feelings, but I haven't confirmed it yet in front of her.

"Now isn't the right time to confess. I will do that after the spring festival. Or during the festival, when she has finished the dancing ritual." This much I can say without revealing the actual problem. 

"Oh yes, she must be busy with preparing for it. Alright, I will keep your word for it! At least one of us should succeed in love." He laughs and raises his hand for a high-five.

I join in his laughter and we clap our hands together in agreement of our next steps.

As I open my eyes blinking against the sun rays inside my bedroom, the thought of only having ten more days to successfully carry out our plan dawns on me.

Ten days to make Airi understand love.

I grab my phone besides my pillow and give Chiye's phone a call.

"Good morning, sunshine." Her playful greeting makes me smile.

"Good morning to you as well." My voice is still a little bit rough from just waking up so I clear my throat a little bit. 

"Oh, that's a nice voice to start the day with." She chuckles.

I blush a little bit and try to suppress the embarrassment.

"Do you want to go for some breakfast?"

"That sounds lovely!" I can feel her happiness beam through the phone.

"Alright, I'll get ready and come pick you up in a bit." I rise from my bed to stretch out a little.

"See you in a bit then." She giggles and ends the call.

While walking towards a small bakery I tell her about my conversation with Kyouta, whilst leaving out the part of us talking about my relationship with Chiye. 

"Are they going to meet up today to talk about it again?" Airi walks half a step in front of me and the way she strikes her steps makes her dress swing around playfully. 

"I'm not sure, I guess that depends on Ninako if she is ready yet or not."

"Indeed." She suddenly turns around and smiles at me. "I wish for them to be able to remain as friends."

"I hope so too."

"We should probably explain to Chiye what happened." She continues to walk and shrugs.

"She would be quite surprised."

We take a seat at the window and it comes to my attention that Airi picked out a mixture of Chiye's and my favourite pastries.

As the people walk past the window the red threads swirl around following their designated hand. I once tried to grab them, but without success. The threads are only visible, but not tangible.

"How should we start the second task?" I ask her, but in actuality I also assume that she probably doesn't know it either.

"We don't even know if the situation with Ninako and Kyouta validates as a completed task." She tilts her head to ponder.

Airi is right, it makes it more complicated to not know how and when we finish a task.

As she is still thinking about it a familiar figure passes by the window and stops right in front of us. He waves at Airi joyfully and proceeds to enter the bakery.

"Oh my, what a great way to start my morning to be able to see this lovely beauty." Ryousuke attempts to give Airi a hug, but she blocks him with her arm and he pouts, grabbing a third chair to join our table. 

"Good morning, Yuzuru." He greets me with a friendly smile but his tone lost some of his happiness after just cheerfully greeting Airi.

It is painfully obvious that he really favours her, just as I feel uncomfortable with him being so affectionate towards what looks like Chiye. However, he guaranteed his support for us and gave us some information in Chiye, so I don't want to feel anything negative towards him. But the sour feeling still prevails.

"I would lie if I told you that our meeting now was mere coincidence." He smirks. "I have some new information."

Airi and I slide closer to him with our chairs and lean forward, so that other customers in the bakery can't listen to our conversation that easily.

Ryousuke's voice is now quieter as he continues. "You might be able to evade the completion of the tasks and go straight to the gates of heavens where the shrine maiden is."

We both look at each other in surprise. "How is that possible?" I speak in a low volume. 

"I made some discreet inquiries yesterday within the heavenly realm. Some other supporters of the lunar kingdom want to debunk the scheme behind Airi's banishment."

"So there is a scheme?" Airi's voice comes out in strong surprise.

"It's only a possibility that the spirits and deities opposing the current power-balance are considering. Given the fact that you emerged again, after believing that you had given up on your tasks, gave the discussion a new stimulus. Rumour has it that your lack of understanding of love is something that could have been influenced and deliberate."

I notice how Airi's face turns into disbelief. 

"Are you saying that the entirety of my what feels like life-long suffering was part of a conspiracy between the heavenly deities?" Her voice trembles in dread.

Ryousuke's expression hardens in a painful way. "This is what they are trying to figure out now. So, I think while the investigations are taking place, the main subject of this entire complot should participate in the discussion, no?"

"But how should we enter the heavens? I'm banished, I can't enter unless I complete my tasks."

"It is possible for you to enter until the last of the heavenly gates. I worked up some of my connections to get a spirit turtle to carry you so you can set foot at the gates. From there, the deities on your side should be able to pick you up and make an exemption on your banishment to pass through the final gate. However, I still have to plan and prepare the details."

"How long do you need to prepare?" Ryousuke turns towards me.

"I will need at least three days counting from this realm."

"We should do this." I look at Airi whose face is still devastated. She slowly returns my gaze and I can see her utter helplessness. 

Naturally, this information is a lot to digest, it's just as she said. Her entire suffering might be caused by a scheme unrelated to her personally.

"Let's finish up the situation with Ninako and Kyouta until then and prove your innocence."

My voice is confident and I smile at her reassuringly. She only nods weakly.

"Are you with Chiye? Can you come to the riverbank?" Kyouta called me after Ryousuke left for the necessary preparations.

"Yes, we'll see you in a bit." I hang up and take the still dazed Airi by her hand. 

"For once it's perfect timing, Kyouta just called, maybe he got to speak with Ninako."

Airi doesn't respond and lets me pull her along to the riverbank. 

To our surprise both Kyouta and Ninako are waiting there for us.

Ninako's face is still puffy from yesterday's crying, but her expression is much steadfast.

Airi tries her best to conceal her inner chaos, but I can still sense her devastation.

"I'd like to tell you something." Ninako speaks up first and gestures for us to sit down on the soft grass. We sit in a circle.

"We just finished our conversation about what was said yesterday." She briefly looks at Kyouta who silently nods in approval.

"I know it actually hasn't been much time since, but I spent the entire evening, night and this morning contemplating what I should do, think and say. There is an important choice to make after all." Her voice is surprisingly firm and her tone reflects her resolution. 

"There are things of the past that dragged me down and were left unanswered. So many uncertainties and anxious feelings. I thought that I had moved on, found a new love and could just forget all about it. However, I was wrong. Yesterday, when Kyouta confessed all these buried feelings came up again like a wave. It made me realise that I never actually moved on at all. It was like a huge sigh of relief, an endless 'finally', but at the same time these feelings made me so sad. At first I thought about all the time that we have lost. All the unnecessary sorrow and waiting. But then I just felt sad for a different reason. If I feel like this, then my relationship with Ren is not genuine enough. How can I stay with him, when my first thought was everything else but rejection? It's an awful feeling, truly disgusting. But, that's just how I feel and I have to face it. So, I came to the decision to break up with Ren. I will talk with him later today." 

Ninako's expression is quite neutral, but her tone is so honest that I don't doubt any of her words. 

Airi takes Ninako's hand in support.

"I also came to another decision."

Kyouta's facial expression is apologetic, yet his eyes are full of hope.

"I want to end our friendship as well." Ninako looks at Kyouta whose face immediately turns pained.

"There is too much that weighs down on our friendship now and I can't continue on as if that was fine. You are the best friend that I could have ever imagined, but also the worst. I can't forgive you and I'm not even sure if I ever will. But this decision, no matter how painful, feels like the right one and I hope you can respect that."

Kyouta nods and forces a weak smile. "Of course."

Ninako returns his smile and turns towards us.

"I wanted you to know this too and I'm grateful for your support."

We don't reply to her, but she knows how we are feeling towards her as well.

"Maybe one day, after everything is sorted out, maybe then we can start over as proper friends." Ninako gets up and stretches her hand out for Kyouta.

He looks at her firmly, grabs her hand and gets up too. The wind blows through the riverbank and whirls up some flower petals and leaves.

"I would be glad to be your friend again someday."

The conclusion of their situation is painful. It is not a happy ending and also not what we need in order to complete the tasks. Yet, it truly feels right.

Kyouta will atone for his wrongdoings in the way of losing her as a friend and with this their unclear feelings for each other and the sudden confession came to an end at the place where their fates began to intertwine at first.