Chapter 39: The Coward and the Liar
One summer, long ago.
In the flowerbeds of a neighborhood garden, a little girl cried loudly, her dropped ice cream bar lying dirty on the ground.
"Waah… waah..."
She cried for a long time. No playmates came to comfort her, and no parents came to soothe her.
Until a voice broke through: "Stop crying. Here, take this, okay?"
The little girl paused her sobbing and looked up. A boy, a head taller than her, was holding out an ice cream bar, his face turned away, avoiding her gaze.
The girl wiped her eyes, hesitantly accepted the ice cream, and in a timid voice said, "Thank you…"
"Next time, don't cry over something like this," the boy said softly. "A girl's tears shouldn't be so cheap. If you're going to cry, do it for someone you like."
The little girl blinked, not understanding what he meant.
But she thought it sounded nice. She liked how it sounded.
"Don't you have any friends to play with?" she asked.
"No…"
"Then I'll play with you. My name is Chen Yin. What's yours?"
The girl hesitated for a moment, then pursed her lips, revealing a sweet dimple as she smiled.
"Shen Shuangshuang."
...
The summer shared by two children didn't last long.
The boy she always called "Brother Chen Yin" and who promised never to leave after becoming her friend… disappeared one day. Like he had vanished into thin air.
The little girl searched for him for a long time before learning from her parents that the boy had moved away.
That day, she cried her heart out, running back to the flowerbeds alone.
But this time, no one came to pat her head and offer her another ice cream.
...
Years passed, and the girl entered middle school.
The summer before her final year, as she was about to start high school, she wore black and attended her parents' funeral with relatives and family friends.
—A sudden car accident had taken their lives.
In front of the gravestones, those so-called family friends wept bitterly. But when the topic of taking her in came up, they averted their eyes and made excuses.
Throughout the funeral, the girl pressed her lips tightly together, remaining silent.
She didn't cry. She didn't speak.
Back at home, she buried herself under her blankets, curled up with her knees hugged to her chest in the corner of her bed. She said nothing.
She didn't know what her future would look like.
Continue school? Or find work in a factory?
But then, her phone buzzed with a text message.
It was a transfer of money. No signature, just a single line:
"Don't cry. A girl's tears shouldn't be so cheap."
Yet, upon seeing those words, she couldn't hold back anymore. She clutched her blanket and sobbed as if her heart would break.
Afterward, she began searching for him again. She learned that he had moved to a faraway city.
She found out that he hadn't finished college and had broken ties with his family, leaving home.
She discovered that he spent his time online, writing melancholy, self-indulgent stories—just like the poetic line he'd once said to her: "A girl's tears shouldn't be so cheap."
Maybe the writing wasn't very good. But the little girl became his most devoted reader.
She read every story and every sentence over and over. Each night, she curled up under her blankets, waiting for him to update his blog. It became the happiest part of her day.
She left comments on every post, never revealing her identity, supporting him silently as an anonymous fan.
"Dear author, you won't abandon your work, will you? You won't suddenly leave us, right?"
"I won't. As long as I have even one reader, I'll keep writing. This isn't an empty promise."
But...
A year and a half later, before she had even graduated high school, the blog stopped updating.
He broke his promise again. Vanishing from her life without a word.
When she finally found him after so much effort, she didn't get to see him in person.
All she found was his cold tombstone.
The cause of death: alcohol poisoning. Suspected suicide.
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At some point, it had begun to rain outside the cave.
The rain was gentle but dense, a silky curtain of water spilling down. The misty humidity brought a hint of chill into the cave.
Inside the cave, it was still quiet and dim.
The damp coolness made Shen Shuanglian shiver slightly. She sneezed softly, rubbed her nose, and tightened the outer robe draped around her.
"Cold?"
"...Mm."
"Let me hold you for a bit. You won't feel cold then."
"Just hold me? Nothing else?"
"Really. I swear."
"...I don't believe you anymore."
Chen Yin chuckled awkwardly.
Shen Shuanglian hesitated but eventually leaned toward him, allowing him to wrap her, robe and all, in his arms.
Still worried, Chen Yin grabbed the remaining clothes nearby and piled them around Shen Shuanglian, bundling her up completely like a snug little penguin.
Thus, Shen Shuanglian's slightly reddened little nose gradually stopped twitching as she sneezed less frequently.
"I never knew cultivators could catch a cold," she murmured softly.
"...Cultivators are still human," replied Chen Yin with a faint smile.
"But can mundane bacteria really infect a cultivator's body?" she asked, her tone weak, tinged with a mixture of exhaustion and grievance.
"How would I know? This world doesn't exactly have scientists studying the anatomy of cultivators," Chen Yin quipped lightly, hoping to lift her spirits.
Shen Shuanglian's frail voice and a slight air of resentment hung in the air, but before Chen Yin could say more, she appeared to be on the verge of sneezing again. Without thinking, he tightened his embrace.
"Ah, I should've prepared better last night. Maybe we shouldn't have put out the fire," he muttered, more to himself.
"No!" Shen Shuanglian's tone grew urgent, surprising him.
"Why not?"
"...With the light on, I'd feel shy," she whispered, her face slightly flushed.
Chen Yin fell silent. He didn't even dare to argue. After all, if anyone bore the blame for her catching a cold, it was him.
So, no matter how she expressed her little frustrations, he could only listen meekly.
"Are you hungry? Should I go catch a mountain chicken and make some soup for you?"
Shen Shuanglian didn't answer immediately. Instead, she hugged her knees, resting her head on them in silence.
Taking her lack of protest as a tacit agreement, Chen Yin stood up to leave, but a slender hand clung tightly to his wrist. Her eyes were cautious and filled with trepidation.
"Are you not hungry?" he asked softly.
"...I just don't want you to leave," she replied in a near whisper.
"But if I don't get a chicken, one won't magically appear for us to eat."
"Then I'll go hungry. It's fine," she said, her stubborn gaze locking onto his.
Her eyes brimmed with a childlike obstinance, leaving Chen Yin helpless.
"But you won't recover if you stay like this!" he exclaimed, a note of desperation creeping into his voice.
Shen Shuanglian's lips tightened. Her gaze softened into something deeply vulnerable. "If you leave, what if you abandon me again?"
"I never abandoned you—Hey, that's not the same thing!"
Chen Yin sighed, exasperated. He couldn't quite understand how the once icy and aloof senior sister had turned into such a clingy girl overnight.
Could the first night really change someone so profoundly?
"I was just a kid back then. Moving away wasn't my decision. What could I have done?" he explained, a tinge of frustration in his tone.
"You know that's not what I mean," Shen Shuanglian replied, her wet eyes fixed on him.
Chen Yin lapsed into silence. After a long pause, he sighed softly.
"Alright then. If you get hungry, just let me know," he said gently before sitting back down and pulling her back into his arms.
Shen Shuanglian nestled closer, her head resting against his chest, seeking comfort in his warmth.
In the stillness of the cave, the rhythmic patter of rain outside became the only sound.
Chen Yin, holding her close, felt an odd calm. It struck him as surreal—how he had ended up cradling such a beautiful, delicate girl, wrapped in nothing but an outer robe, with nothing inappropriate crossing his mind.
His sole concern was her wellbeing.
After a long silence, he whispered, "...I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?" she asked, tilting her head up to look at him.
"I... my situation back then was complicated. I didn't think things through," he admitted, averting his eyes. "And after all those years, I thought you'd forgotten me."
The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted them.
Sure enough, Shen Shuanglian's lips quivered, her eyes reddening.
"...Liar," she murmured, her voice trembling.
Chen Yin could only offer a sheepish smile, unable to refute her accusation.
The earthy scent of rain lingered in the air, mingling with the faint dampness of the cave. Shen Shuanglian felt another sneeze coming but stifled it, unwilling to worry Chen Yin further or give him an excuse to leave.
She clung tightly to the fabric of his robe, her heart gripped by a stubborn fear.
—What if?
What if he left again? What if he vanished, this time without a word?
Shen Shuanglian shivered, burrowing deeper into his chest like a timid kitten seeking refuge.
Chen Yin, feeling her soft warmth squirming closer, shifted uncomfortably.
"Ahem... If you're unwell, lying down would be better," he suggested.
"No," she replied firmly.
"...Forget I said anything."
The night deepened, and the rain outside seemed to grow colder.
Chen Yin sighed. "I can't let you keep being stubborn like this."
"If you don't eat something to warm up, it could get dangerous."
Shen Shuanglian bit her lip, her eyes misty with emotion. "I don't care."
"Don't worry, I won't leave without telling you," he promised gently.
"Then why did you lie to me before?" she demanded, her voice trembling.
"...The move was sudden. I didn't have time to say goodbye."
"And the other time?" Shen Shuanglian's gaze turned piercing, her tone edged with urgency.
"Why... Why did you try to take your own life?"
Chen Yin fell silent again.
For a long moment, only the rain and his heartbeat filled the space between them.
Finally, he turned to stare blankly at the rain-soaked world outside the cave.
"To be honest, there wasn't much of a reason," he said softly.
"I'm just... a coward."
"...I'm just too afraid to go on living."
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