Five

Let's face it, business school is not for the studious.

I could guarantee you that every single student in the lecture hall spent ninety percent of their time either partying half-naked, scrolling away on tiktok, having sex, or reading R-rated fanfiction because they aren't having sex.

Not me though- I'm different, I thought as I pretended to write down notes while making bad drawings at the corner of my page.

"Oh. My. God. You need to take a look at this." Sam whisper-shouted, nudging my arm. I looked at her phone and immediately scowled.

"It's nine a.m. At a Business Comms lecture. And you decide this is the best time to show me a dick pic?"

"There is no bad time to look at a good dick pic. I mean look at that! It's big, it's well groomed, and his room looks clean!"

I sighed, "Do you ever take a break from being a slut-faced hoe bag that objectifies men?"

"Never," she bit her lip, typing away to her one bang wonder. I rolled my eyes but snatched her phone to get a better look anyway.

"To be fair that is a pretty good dick. Think he's into dudes?"

"I don't know, should I ask him?"

"Yes, but try to be subtle, for God's sake."

She scoffed, "I am the queen of subtlety."

I rolled my eyes, diverting my attention to the lecturer who was surely putting in a lot of unappreciated effort, only to catch Avery's gaze on me a few rows in front. He seemed pretty surprised that I noticed but smiled coolly when he caught my eye, then promptly turned his attention back to the front.

Geez, does no one pay attention in class anymore?

Said the guy who spent the rest of class staring at the back of said blondie's head.

"Okay so I asked if I could interest him in some dick and he said quote, only if it's a threesome with you but no homo tho, unquote."

I scoffed, "That's such a Chad thing to say."

"Huh, I think his name was actually Chad. Or was it Justin?" She mumbled to herself, "Speaking of Chads, you gonna catch Toby's game after class today?"

"I don't know, I was hoping to go home and catch up on some sleep."

She scoffed, "Sleep is for the weak. Besides, Thotiana's gonna be there and I don't wanna be like, alone with her."

"What do you have against Tatiana?"

"Uh, she's a bitch? She's the kinda girl that'll agree to a gang bang but call you a slut for making out with someone. Besides, I'm like sixty-eight percent sure she's cheating on Toby."

"What? No, she seems nice!"

"You men are so naïve. She's only nice to guys, aka people that have a dick and are neither a threat nor competition to her. Anyway, point is, you better come to the game."

I sighed, "You're lucky I'm nice and kinda like you for some reason that I'm yet to find out."

"And you are even luckier to have a sexy friend like me," she kissed me on the cheek a little too wetly and I backed away in horror.

"Get your sodding girl-liquids off me!"

_

"Ohmagod! Jules, it's so good to see you!" said the owner of the glaringly generous cleavage that even I, a gay man, couldn't get my eyes off of, before she hugged me excitedly.

"Hey Tatiana... Good to see you again," I awkwardly tapped her back, risking hyperkyphosis so I could get as little contact with the baby--milkers as possible. Sam side eyed us and I could see her physically resist the urge to hurl. When she finally pulled away and turned to Sam, her face did a complete 180.

"Oh hey... You're here too."

"Of course, I came to support my seventeen boyfriends."

To that, she let out a laugh that was so high pitched and forced that I had to back away.

"Oh my God Sam you're always so funny!"

"Yes. Ha ha ha."

Toby appeared out of nowhere, hugging Tatiana from the back and pressing a loving kiss to her cheek.

"I missed you baby girl."

"I missed you so much more," she grinned, and then they engaged in the rather classy act of suck face right there where the entire row of bleachers could see. Sam and I instinctively turned away, promptly making our way to our seats and flopping down.

"Disgusting."

"I know."

"Anyway, I bought a ton of snacks." She said, emptying her backpack that was chock full of chips, chocolates and sodas into her lap. I frowned.

"Where's my super cheesy rings?"

"Oh... No. I forgot."

I went silent, backing away slightly, my eyes widening.

"You... You are no friend of mine."

She grinned, pulling out a familiar purple bag. "You really have that little faith in me?"

"You are my Goddess." I said uncaringly as I snatched the bag away from her. Soon enough, Tatiana was joining us on the bleachers as Toby jogged back to his team on the court.

"Guys, do you even know how much gluten and animal cruelty is in those?" She said with so much disgust in her voice.

"I love animal cruelty. Have you ever watched bestiality porn? It's my new shit." Sam said as she shoved a whole KitKat into her mouth. Tatiana blinked with a look of genuine horror in her face, utterly speechless for a few long seconds before laughing uncomfortably.

"That's a joke, right?"

Sam visibly stifled a grin as she continued to look at Tatiana seriously. I nudged her with my elbow pointedly.

"Let's just watch the game," I said, which was dumb because the game hadn't even started. But nonetheless all three of us quietly turned our attention to the court, where the two teams were doing practice shots and warm ups. I spotted Avery, leading the team's stretching routine. I lazily admired his tan skin and muscular arms that were covered by a thin sheen of sweat; his blonde hair that he kept brushing off his face, and his clear leadership qualities. He just radiated positivity and confidence (and fuckability).

As the team began to do jog around the court, he glanced around the bleachers for a quick second before catching my eye. He instantly smiled and waved at me, and I couldn't help but wave back, a little dazzled.

"Ooh, who's that?" Tatiana asked, eyes shimmering as she followed my gaze.

"That's the Ballers' captain, Avery." I stated.

"He is so cute! Are you guys like, into each other?"

"What? God, no. I barely know him."

"Hm, okay." She muttered as she continued to stare at him, resting her head on the back of her hand. Sam nudged me, quirking a brow. Her face had that's a red flag if I've ever seen one written all over it. I rolled my eyes and tried my best to brush it off, even though it did make me feel uneasy.

Eventually, the game did start and Sam and I spent most of it stuffing our faces with junk, surrounded by the noise and chaos of the numerous students around us, while Tatiana loudly cheered on her boyfriend. We never actually spent an extended amount of time with her before but through our shared grimaces, it was obvious that we were both getting tired of the screeches. Surely there must be something he likes about her?

Great head, probably.

Now you might be wondering why I sound like such a misogynistic asshole, and that's where I'll stop you and go off on a rant because watching basketball bores me anyway. I had no problem with women freely expressing their sexuality, by all means, go get that dick (or pussy, respectively) whenever you see fit. The problem is that people always associated the word slut with shame and that's not necessarily the case most of the time. Consider the male counterpart of the word slut, fuckboy. Ever heard anyone complain about fuckboy-shaming? No! Because it's never a shame if a guy is a slut. Now that's misogyny.

I can appreciate a good slut, like my good friend Sam that I actually adore to pieces even with her questionably hyperactive libido because she actually had a personality outside of sucking dick and being obnoxious.

Tatiana was...well, maybe she has a personality stored somewhere in those melons but for now she's just obnoxious and loud. Case in point-

"Get it Toby! THAT'S MY MAN RIGHT THERE! WOOOHOOOO!"

_

After the Ballers claimed their victory and the game was finally over, it was already getting dark out. We made our way to the car park with Toby and Tatiana in tow.

"Baby you were so great out there."

"Stop it you're making me blush," Toby grinned as he pressed a kiss to Tatiana's cheek, holding her by the waist.

"Okay, I'm leaving," Sam yawned.

"Hold up, Sam. Could you give Jules a lift? I'm going out with Tat." Toby asked.

"Yeah sure, whatever. You ready to go?" She asked me.

"Alright. See you later then," I waved to the couple, following Sam to her car.

"Oh shit! I almost forgot," Toby yelled after us. "I left my books in my locker. I'm gonna need to work on my assignment later tonight. Could you take them home with you? Pretty please?" He pouted, handing me his locker key.

I scowled, "Why would I do that?"

"Come on! You know I don't get to see Tat often, I can't be carrying that shit around! And you're going home anyway. Do me a solid, my brother."

I blew out an exasperated breath, "You owe me one."

"My first born child is yours. Thanks man," he grinned, giving me quick hug before practically hopping away to his girlfriend.

"What a loser. He's so whipped. And you're a loser for helping him."

I rolled my eyes at Sam, "Just wait for me in the car. I won't be long."

"Take your time. I'm gonna smoke up 'til you come."

She stalked off and I made my way back into the gymnasium, sighing to myself. Why am I the nicest person to ever exist?

I passed by a few team members as they exited the locker rooms and they didn't hesitate to accidentally bump into me on the way out. Microagressions, how boring.

The locker room was empty, save for the sound of a running shower though it seemed like almost everyone was out by then. I made a beeline for Toby's locker, because this wasn't the first time he had asked me for this godforsaken favour. As I rummaged his messy ass locker, I didn't pay too much attention to the shower turning off, or the footsteps gradually getting closer. Well, more like I didn't care, until I did.

All I wanted to get this over with and leave but as soon as I could but once I turned around, a shirtless Avery in all his wet, half-naked, towel-wrapped glory had me freezing in my tracks.

Oh shit.