Trust is hard to gain
Bea's POV
Opens group chat
Bea-hey guys wyd rn
Theo- j chilling at home
Ryan- does anyone know where Steph is
Steph- hey guys
Josh- where were u last night
Steph-
*sends pic of her with another man
Grace- ok STEPHH
Josh- doesn't look like Ryan....
Steph- it's not
Theo- oop
Steph- had a hookup
Bea- where's he from
Steph- the club
"Do you see what I mean?" Ryan rolls his eyes
"Bea, I tried my hardest with her. And she's fucking another guy-"
"Ryan, it'll all be ok."
"No. It won't be," he begins to rant, "Bea you can't complain because you're in love with Josh-"
"Ryan-"
"But I'm still in love with you."
Oh fuck. Here we go. The awkwardness, the tens- it's not even tension.
"Ryan, I love you as a friend."
"Yeah, but I think we could try again."
"I think, we are better off as friends."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, let's take a pic so I can show off my bestie to the world."
*takes pic
"Aww look at the love in your eyes," I push him.
"Oh fuck off."
"How's Josh?"
"It's going really well, I think this could work."
"Happy to hear that someone's in love."
"Ryan. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, we will find you someone to hook up with."
"No, I only want one person."
"Yeah, I know it's me."
"No, I want Steph"
I look at him-
"And you, of course"
"Wait, Ryan. What if things don't go well with Josh."
Ryan is the best ex anyone could have. He's a good listener, and he knows how to calm me down when I get nervous about things like this. And not just with his comforting presence, but because Ryan has been through this before himself and can give me advice. Plus, he's cute.
"Just relax," says Ryan. "It'll be fine."
Ryan asks if I'm feeling okay. It's more of a test than anything else; he wants to know if something is bothering me. When I tell him that I am, he gives me a smile and a peck on the cheek before asking me again. I realise how much he cares for me now and it makes me feel warm inside.
As he drives us home, I tell Ryan about my concerns over the whole situation with Melanie. He tells me it'll be fine but- I love to worry.
--9pm
We're all sitting in our gorgeous living room, and I can hardly believe we're in Thailand! It's even a bit awkward, seeing as Steph has just come back from a night out with a stranger while Ryan is acting like he's single, and Emma and Theo are blissfully in love.
Then there's Josh and I.
He's ready to move forward, but I'm not sure I'm ready to trust him yet. I feel like I need to take a step back and assess the situation before I can make any concrete decisions. I want to try and make it work, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I'm able to give him my trust again.
It's a difficult situation to be in, but I'm just going to take it one step at a time.
Steph had a great idea when she suggested they play the game 'Never Have I Ever.' She was clearly looking for a way to stir up the drama and tension between her and Ryan, who were obviously on rocky grounds.
Although it was a bit messy of her, she was determined to make things happen and spice things up in the relationship. She knew that if she could get Ryan to open up and talk about things they have never done before, it might just be the solution to their problems.
"Let's play never have I ever," She giggles, "Are you guys ready?"
"Yeah," Josh stands up, "Take a shot everytime you have."
"Never have I ever fallen in Love,"Grace smiles, "I will be taking a shot for that one!
I take a shot, Ryan takes a shot, Theo takes a shot and Josh takes a shot
"What about you Steph?"
"I don't believe in love. Love is an illusion to force us to remain in our doomed relationships."
"Someone is drunk-"
"Ryan, I'll let you know when I'm drunk."
Ok- this is too much. Let's continue
"Never have I ever had a one night stand."
Theo drinks, then Grace, then Steph, then Ryan. And Josh-
"Josh, when did you have a one night stand?"
"Like, last year. Why does it matter?"
Yeah, I guess it doesn't. But something isn't right, something's off-
"I have a good one!" Ryan clears his throat dramatically, "Never have I ever lied to my partner"
Everyone drinks apart from Steph and Grace
"Steph, shouldn't you be drinking?" Ryan death stares Steph
"You shouuld be minding your own business, I've never lied to you."
"Oh really-so when were you going to tell me, that you don't like commitment"
"Oh Ryan-"
"No shut up. When were you going to tell me that you never had plans of being in a relationship."
"Ry-"
"When were you going to tell me?"
"When I had the chance."
"Nah fuck off. I don't want to see you in my life every again."
"Ryan don't be a dickhead," Steph sniggers, "Calm down babe."
"Don't tell me to be calm, you fucking-" I cover his mouth.
Ryan has a way of words when he is ridiculously drunk- and he is ridiculously drunk.
"Steph, Ryan's drunk so just leave it."
"Bea he doesn't need your assistance-"
"I'm being a helpful frie-"
"No, you're being a slut trying to get back together with Ryan. We can all see it, you playing Josh like a fucking fiddle. You always wanted Ryan, there was a reason you never told your parents-"
Josh covers her mouth.
But everything is true. Maybe I haven't been true to myself-
I uncover Ryan's mouth and he storms out the door
"Josh, uncover her mouth."
"But-"
"No, I want to hear what she has to say."
Josh leans closer in a whisper, "She's drunk." He uncovers her mouth,
"Look who decided to let the cat out the bag. It's Bea the saviour, but actually she is a massive whore and she's trying to steal my boyfriend."
She carries on speaki-
"Which one? Cause you fucked up both relationships."
"I'm talking about Ryan-"
"When are you not?"
"I get it Steph, you're jealous of me."
"How can I be jealous of a coniving bitch, with her fake ass hair extensions, her decietful ways. You're going to die lonely, hopefully in hell-"
I step forward, ready to take action. I'm about to beat Steph up; no one can talk about me that way and not expect consequences. I feel a rush of adrenaline, knowing that I'm about to teach Steph a lesson. Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but I know every girl loves revenge.
This is my chance to get back at Steph for all the times she's talked about me behind my back. I take a deep breath and march forward, ready to take her down. I know this won't be easy, but I'm determined to show Steph that I won't stand for her disrespect.
I'm ready to fight for my honor and prove that no one can mess with me.
Josh held me back as I was about to beat her up. She was scared and her eyes filled with tears. I could tell Josh was mad at me, but I didn't care.
I had to make a point that she shouldn't mess with me. She had done something that made me so angry and I wanted to show her that I wouldn't take it. I felt like I was defending myself and I needed to make sure she knew she couldn't do this again. Josh was trying to protect her but I felt like I had to stand up for myself. I was determined to show her that she had to respect me. Josh trying to hold me back made me feel like he was taking her side, but I knew he was just trying to do the right thing. He knew I could be very aggressive and he wanted to make sure I didn't do anything too extreme.
Steph runs off-
"What the fuck were you thinking Bea?"
"What the fuck were you thinking? Holding me back-"
"No, you are playing childish ass games."
"So you're defending Steph? Of course you are-"
"I'm not doing this tonight-"
"Fine, don't. Leave."
"I will. Bea I'll meet you in bed-"
"No you'll meet me here downstairs, because you're sleeeping on the sofa."
-1.30am
I feel someone crawl into bed with m-
"Josh. That better not be you."
"Hey babe," his words slurring, "I missed you."
There is no fucking way- every time Josh gets mad he gets drunk. It's not fair I've had enough
"Josh. Leave you're drunk-"
"I wanna be here with you."
He comes closer in bed and begins to kiss me. But he's drunk this can't happen, I say. No, no, it's okay, he says. We need a little more time together, don't we?
I want him so badly, but the problem is that I don't know if I can trust him as much as I'd like to.
"Josh you need to go."