Chapter 1443: What Should I Do? (Part 3)

"Surely... there might have been a better way."

"..."

"It may have not necessarily been about sacrificing the lives of the family, as Gaju-nim said. There must have been a path that could best satisfy everyone."

Tang Gunak turned his gaze towards Chung Myung. Perhaps, deep down, he hoped for a small consolation. Or maybe, even a sharp rebuke wouldn't have been unwelcome. But now, Chung Myung offered neither comfort nor reprimand. He simply acknowledged.

"So, it must be tough for you."

"...What are you saying?"

"Because there is always a best path. No matter what choice you make, there will be mistakes. Perhaps... there was an opportunity to make a choice without any regrets."

But Chung Myung didn't explicitly add that humans ultimately couldn't avoid making mistakes. He knew it wouldn't mean anything to Tang Gunak at this moment.

"But what can you do? The deed is done, and holding onto it won't change anything. All you can do is carry the burden of your actions and move forward step by step."

"Is that how it is for you?"

Chung Myung's response did not come. Tang Gunak closed his eyes for a moment.

He had always thought highly of Chung Myung, whether as a person or as a martial artist. Perhaps, in the entire world, Tang Gunak was the one who valued Chung Myung the most.

But at this moment, Tang Gunak realized that even such high praise was insufficient to discuss the path Chung Myung had walked. How could it be possible?

Mount Hua was a sect whose foundation had crumbled, leaving only ruin. Looking at such a sect, how could one not feel despair?

Even the current state of the Tang Family was better than the Mount Hua Sect of a few years ago. It would only be comparable if all the martial artists of the Tang Family, including Tang Gunak, died, leaving only the children who hadn't learned martial arts yet to survive.

Even in such dire circumstances, Mount Hua had revived.

So, should Tang Gunak find solace in that fact?

"If it were you..."

Tang Gunak, who had opened his eyes, finally spoke to Chung Myung.

"If you were the current head of the family, it would have been better than me."

"..."

"If it were you, you could have raised the family back to its former glory without a hint of wavering. Because you are that kind of person."

Chung Myung smiled faintly at those words.

"Do you really think so?"

"...Honestly, yes."

"Do you see me as someone who came this far without wavering?"

Chung Myung tilted his head back. The stars filled his eyes, as if the sky was about to pour down.

Tang Gunak once said that the countless stars felt like the eyes of the ancestors. What did those stars look like in Chung Myung's eyes now?

"If I really were a person who didn't waver like Gaju-nim said...someone who could confidently move forward without looking back at the past, without doubting the choices they made, and firmly believe that everything done was the best one could do..."

In the midst of the silence, a bitter smile tugged at the corner of Chung Myung's lips.

"That would've been nice. Yes, then I wouldn't have any regrets."

Chung Myung knew. Even if everyone in the world believed so, that wasn't his true self.

"You..."

"But unfortunately, I'm not that kind of person. Rather, I am a person who clings to a past long gone, endlessly doubting the choices I've made, and unable to sleep properly in the midst of grappling with actions I've already committed."

To the unbelievable words, Tang Gunak stared intently at Chung Myung.

"Even now?"

"Yes. Even now."

Suddenly, a question crossed Tang Gunak's mind. A question that shouldn't be brought up unless in this situation. No, maybe it shouldn't be asked even in this situation.

But Tang Gunak eventually voiced it.

"Do you...regret going to Southern Island?"

Chung Myung didn't answer. He just stared blankly into the sky, a colorless silence. Yet within it, there were too many answers.

"Well..."

After a brief pause, Chung Myung shrugged his shoulders.

"I should answer to avoid misunderstandings... Yes, I regret it."

"..."

"But if I were to go back to the past, I would eventually choose to go to Southern Island again."

Tang Gunak's pupils flickered slightly.

"So, I'll do the same thing and regret it again. Like a moron."

"...Why is that?"

"Is it different for Gaju-nim?"

As the question turned towards him, Tang Gunak remained silent.

"Everyone goes through it. And now you're groaning over the consequences of that decision. If Gaju-nim could go back just one day, what decree would you issue? Would you tell everyone to defend the territory, protect the workshop and poison room, even if everyone dies?"

Tang Gunak couldn't answer.

He was realizing it now. What he had lost. What the Tang Family had lost. How challenging the path ahead for the Sichuan Tang Family would be.

However, he couldn't give the answer that he would make a different decision. He simply remained silent.

"No, you wouldn't."

"..."

"You too, Gaju-nim. You'll regret, despair, curse your terrible choices, yet make the same decisions again. And once again, you'll regret and despair like a moron."

Tang Gunak's hands trembled. He couldn't deny it.

Nothing could be retained. But there was no way to protect everyone. Something must be lost. Where was the way to make choices without leaving regrets in such decisions?

"It feels truly harsh. If I had known the lord's position would be like this..."

"Everyone is the same."

Chung Myung cut off Tang Gunak's words.

"It's not because of the lordship. It's just a matter of scale. People make choices and live, whether big or small. It's about making choices to let go of what you hold in your hands. Choosing what you want to keep and what you're willing to lose, weighing and considering the weight of things you must do. That's how people wear away."

It becomes numb. At first, it's painful, like tearing off flesh, but later, it becomes dull, like peeling off calluses.

Those who remain here have just not become numb.

They hadn't yet washed away the ways to mourn sorrowfully, having not yet turned back the years.

"How do you move forward?"

Desperation overflowed in Tang Gunak's eyes.

"How can someone who regrets everything, despairs over everything, and has been worn away by each little thing move forward? How on earth... how can one not fear making choices again?"

Chung Myung smiled bitterly at the corner of his mouth.

"It's the other way around."

"...The other way around?"

"It's not about being fearless, being bold, being steadfast..."

Chung Myung's eyelashes trembled.

"Because losing is too frightening, you have to move forward to lose a little less. If you sit down in that place, there will be nothing left but endless losses."

A bitter voice spread across the quiet field.

"Maybe everyone is the same. Those who are considered to be doing great things by others are probably the ones who fear what others are not afraid of. Those who see further are probably the ones who anticipate what others are not yet afraid of."

"..."

"Something...The same goes for everyone who achieves something great."

Tang Gunak, who had been listening absentmindedly, let out a chuckle for a moment.

"People the world calls heroes... may have been cowardly beyond imagination."

"Is that strange?"

"Not strange. If someone other than you had said that, it might have seemed strange, but... if you say it, it's not strange."

The wretched coward who achieved the impossible was right in front of him.

A miserable fool who worried about what others were not yet afraid of but anticipated and feared in advance.

"Then, Mount Hua's Chivalrous Sword."

"Yes, Gaju-nim."

"Then what should I fear?"

Tang Gunak's gaze returned to the sky. The stars still felt heavy, pressing on his shoulders.

"I am not as great as you to worry about the future and not as meticulous as someone who worries about what others are not worried about. Right now, I'm just... scared of everything in the world."

A faintly trembling and shaking voice, uncharacteristic of the Tang Gunak everyone knew.

"Your words are correct, but wrong. At least you are a coward who knows what to fear the most. But I can't be a coward like you. I am just a coward who fears everything."

"..."

"So, Mount Hua's Chivalrous Sword, please answer me. What should I fear?"

Upon hearing this, Chung Myung looked at Tang Gunak and asked.

"Is that a question as Tang Gunak or as the head of the Tang Family?"

Tang Gunak couldn't answer immediately. Chung Myung then said.

"If it's a question as an individual named Tang Gunak, since it's not your responsibility, I'll tell you to put aside unnecessary worries and get some sleep."

"...Cruel in a different sense."

"If it's a question as the head of the family, you shouldn't be asking me."

Tang Gunak gave a bitter smile. It meant that it was a problem he had to solve on his own. Just as he was about to nod his head in acknowledgment, Chung Myung raised his hand and pointed to the sky.

"Ask them directly."

"..."

"The people who are watching over the head of the family."

Countless stars, countless eyes. The ancestors who had protected the Sichuan Tang Family were looking down at him. However, no matter how much he looked and sought answers, they remained silent, just watching.

The answer Tang Gunak sought didn't come from the sky but from beside him. A small voice full of regret resounded clearly in his ears.

"Why did the Tang Family come into existence?"

"What does that mean?"

"The ancestors who turned the Sichuan Tang Family into a martial clan and taught their descendants how to live, what did they do it for?"

Sichuan was a place that was looked down upon in the Central Plains. In such a time, when the city of Chengdu in Sichuan hadn't yet taken shape, the ancestors of the Tang Family created a foundation where all those with the Tang Family name could live together.

They taught methods of self-discipline and how to protect one's body with poison. And they told them to continue this way forever.

Why?

Tang Gunak's eyes widened a little. The stars seemed like they would pour down on him any moment now.

"There may be no answer because the dead cannot answer. But... If they could answer now, they would have said something like this."

Chung Myung spoke.

With his voice, with the will of someone other than his own.

- They don't know what's important.

"The important thing isn't poison."

- You used to protect the means for the sake of a goal, but now the means have eaten the goal? Stupid bastards.

"Hidden weapons are just tools."

Hyung-nim, I feel sorry. Everything created for the sake of the clan is now turning into shackles strangling the neck of the clan. Where did the intentions of the the guys who first established the Tang Family go?

"If those means interfere with the Tang Family, it's better to get rid of them."

- The important thing is...

"The important thing is..."

- How the descendants of the Tang Family can live more happily, isn't it? If those get in the way, poison, martial techniques, and the laws of the clan are nothing more than annoying obstacles.

"That's what the ancestors were trying to tell you. Just..."

Chung Myung closed his eyes. It was the words he had to convey. The words he had to convey.

But those words were also being conveyed to Chung Myung.

The words that flowed from Tang Bo, the voice of the ancestors, and the voice of a lost one...

"Be happy..."

Chung Myung's eyes filled with tears.

It felt like someone was putting their hand on his shoulder. So he couldn't turn his head.

The words that hadn't been conveyed for a long time, the words that hadn't reached even though they had been conveyed, finally descended on Chung Myung's shoulders after over a hundred years.