Chapter Eighteen

He drew in a ragged breath. 'My brother Nick was

going out with Molly for years before they married,

and I first met Sharla at a party when we were in our

early twenties. I'd left university and was a couple of years into my telecommunications business and

she'd already done several magazine covers. My career was taking off and so was hers. In many ways it

was a very satisfactory relationship.'

'Satisfactory?' she echoed cautiously. That's an

odd word to use.

"I can't think of a better one. I was young and

horny and she was hot. I thought we were both giv-

ing the other what they most needed.'

"You mean sex?" she questioned baldly.

'I mean sex,' he echoed as he stared at her. 'Sorry

if that offends your sensibilities, Toyin-but that's

the truth.

He watched her teeth digging into her bottom lip,

as if she might be having second thoughts about hear-

ing this, and maybe this was his opportunity to stop

and change the subject. But he was on a roll now and

the words were streaming out of that dark place in-

side him, where he'd buried them all those years ago.

"Right from the start I was honest with her. I said that

if she was looking for permanence for babies and

wedding bells then she should look elsewhere,' he

said. We both had worlds to conquer and we were

both so young. I remember she laughed when I told

her the door was open any time she chose to walk

away. But she didn't."

There was silence as he stared at her. but, she didn't

break it-she just carried on looking at him with

those bright blue eyes. And now the flood of dark

memories were swamping him in a foul tide.

"One day she came to me and asked whether I'd 

ever consider changing my mind. Whether I thought

I could love her or think about marrying her. To be honest, I was confused. I thought we understood one

another. I asked why she was saying all this stuff and

I remember the look on her face. The way she said.

A woman needs to know these things, Massimo. And be-

cause I thought she was being practical and because

I knew the rock star was pursuing her, I told her no,

and that if she wanted commitment, she was free to

go and find it with someone else. And then..."

His voice faltered. With shock? Or surprise? That

he, who had always tried to distance himself from

the conflict of relationships, had become an unwill-

ing victim of one and as a consequence was plagued

by a guilt and bitter regret which wouldn't seem to

go away?

"What, Mas?" she whispered, her soft voice carry-

ing across the room towards him.

 'What happened?"

He swallowed and it felt as if a ball of barbed wire

were trying to force its way down his throat.

 'She

was carrying my baby, he said. "But she never told

me that. She didn't give me the chance to change

my mind, or come to some mutual agreement which

would have worked for us all. I didn't know and I

didn't find out. At least, not until afterwards, when

she told me what she'd done.'

'Oh, no.' Her face blanched as the true meaning

of his words sank in. "Oh, no.'

"Yes. He looked at her quite calmly and then his

voice broke. 'She killed my baby'.

Toyin's heart squeezed painfully as she heard the

rawness in his voice and she wanted to jump up from

the chair and wrap her arms tightly around him. To stroke his ravaged face with all the tenderness she

possessed until some of his unbearable grief had subsided. But something held her back, some bone-deep

instinct which told her to go easy around this damaged man. He had confided in her. Had told her the

dark secret it was clear still haunted him. Wasn't it

enough to be understanding and kind and calm? Not

go over the top with an emotional response which

would help no one, least of all him.

"I'm so sorry,' she whispered.

"Yeah. Me, too.' He swallowed before rasping out

the next words. I would have supported her. Pro-

vided for her. Even married her. Done any damned

thing she might reasonably have wanted. But I never

got the chance.'

Because you were powerless,' she said slowly. A

man always is in a situation like that. She didn't want

you to know and there was nothing else you could

have done. You answered her questions truthfully

because you didn't know why she was asking them."

'And maybe I should have guessed,' he said bitterly.

"But you didn't have that kind of relationship, did

you? It was supposed to be upfront and honest, but

that only works if both parties want the same thing."

"Was that around the time you left England?"

He nodded. 'I couldn't wait to get away. To leave

the old, tainted life behind me. I went to Australia and

started a new life there. I set up offices in Brisbane

and bought the cattle station. I just happened to be in

the right place at the right time because the coun-

try was ripe for new technology. The money started

pouring in and the work provided a distraction, but

whenever I could I would spend any spare time I had

at Poonbarra, working on the land.

it pooled around her ankles and she stepped out of

it and pulled at his trouser belt, as intent on quickly

removing his clothes as he was hers.

 But she could

feel something deep in her heart being tugged as he

drew her against his naked body.

 Some stupid little

ache that made her long for something more than the

satisfaction of the physical.

The rug in front of the blazing fire wasn't particu-

larly soft but Sophie didn't care about that either. All

she could feel was the warmth from the flames lick-

ing over their bare skin as their bodies met. Word-

lessly she moved over him, straddling him. She could

feel the hard bones of his hips against the softness of

her thighs-and he felt very big as she brought him

deep inside her. They'd never done it in this position

before and her initial tentativeness was instantly ban-

ished by the smoky look of pleasure on his face as he

filled her. 

He spread his fingers over her breasts and

played with her hardened nipples as she rode him with

a total lack of inhibition. And when her body began

to tighten with the now familiar shimmerings of or-

gasm, his hands anchored her so that he went deeper

still until she gasped out loud, in Greek.

She must have drifted off to sleep because when she

opened her eyes, it was to find that Massimo had covered

them with a blanket and his naked body was pressed

against her bare back.

 For a moment she just revelled

in the feel of his warm flesh next to hers, his dick stretching her, still buried deep in her making her feel full and the way

he'd slung his arm over her hips, so that his fingertips

rested carelessly in the cluster of curls at her thighs.

She remembered the things he'd told her about his

past. The way he'd unburdened himself. Did it mean something that he'd chosen to confide in her, or was

she in danger of reading too much into the situa-

tion? No matter. The future could wait. Lying there

together like that was just about perfect and as she

stirred a little she could feel his dick sink in more, his hand automatically

begin to drift downwards, when there was a loud

banging at the bedroom door.

'Massimo?" It was Nick's voice.

"Go away' Rafe mumbled, his breath warm against

the back of her neck.

"I need to speak to you. Now." 

Cursing a little beneath his breath, Massimo got to his

feet and pulled on a pair of jeans, still doing up the zip

as he walked over and opened the door, behind which

his half-brother was standing. He didn't invite him in

and Toyin couldn't hear what was being said-only

the low murmur of their voices before Massimo quietly

closed the door and came back into the room.

She looked up into his face, but if she'd been hop-

ing for some new kind of openness after the things

they'd talked about, then she'd been way off mark

because his features were as dark and as unreadable

as ever. 'Is something wrong?'

'You could say that.' His voice sounded grim. 'My

brother's had a phone call from the landlord of the

local pub. The snow has started to melt and a man

and woman have checked in. He thinks they may be

journalists.

She sat up, clutching onto the blanket. 'How'

He shrugged. "I suspect Sharla let them know

you're here inadvertently or not, I don't know. The

question is how we deal with it.'