Chapter Thirty four

He was here appearing in front of her and taunting her like this. Had he constructed

some kind of

elaborate charade with allowed her to

come here? He must have done. She told herself that

the anger which followed this surprising realisation

was healthy. 

That it would help her stay focussed

and she needed that. Because they were over. 

They

needed to be over.

So why was he here, making her heart squeeze

with pain all over again?

The Toyin of a year ago might have turned away,

got back into her car and driven at high speed to the pal-

ace. 

Because no matter what Massimo's sudden new in-

fluence with her brother was, he would be unable to

access the Princess if she refused point-blank to

him. But that would be running away and she was

through with that.

So she took off her shoes and began to walk across

the silver sand towards him, her heart pounding out

a powerful rhythm in her chest as she got closer and

closer.

'Hello, Massimo', she said, when she was near enough 

for him to hear.

'Hello, Toyin'.

Mas's breathing was shallow as she stopped right 

in front of him but she wasn't looking at him. She was

staring out at sea as if she preferred to look at the

yacht bobbing in the lapping water rather than look

at him.

'Whose boat is that??'

'Yours. I bought it for you.'

She turned then and he could see fury spitting 

from her black eyes. You bought me a boat? What's is this the billionaire's equivalent of a bunch of flow-

ers to say you're sorry?"

"In a way. But also because she's the loveliest boat

I've ever seen and one l thought a sailor of your cal-

ibre might enjoy. I cleared it with your brother

I managed to work that out all by myself and 

'I don't give a damn about my brother,' she hissed

from between clenched teeth.

' I want to know what

you're doing here. Turning up like this out of the

blue--appearing on a private family beach without

any warning!"

It was the most difficult question he had ever been

asked and Massimo knew that he had to get the answer

right or risk everything. He wanted to pull her into

his arms and kiss her and let his lips demonstrate just

how much he'd missed her. But that would be cheat-

ing. 

Even if she allowed him to kiss her, which judg-

ing by the look on her face-he doubted. 

She needed

to hear his words and he needed to speak them. 

But

even so, a lifetime of conditioning was hard to break.

' I'm here because I miss you, he said. Because I've

been a fool. A stubborn, unimaginative fool.'

Angrily, she shook her head. 

'I don't have to listen

to this...rubbish,' she hissed. You made your deci-

sion, so stick with it! I'm getting my life back together

and I don't need you.'

'Don't you?' he questioned. "Then you are very

lucky, Toyin, because I sure as hell need you. Noth-

ing is the same without you.

 I have a whole world at my feet, Manhattan, Poonbarra, even England but I don't want to go anywhere because I can go anywhere which doesn't have you.

"Tough. Go away, Rafe, she said tiredly. 'And take

your meaningless words with you."

"If that's what you really want, then I will go"

He narrowed his eyes. "But before I do, I need you 

to listen to what I have to say. Will you at least do

that for me?".

He could sense her struggle as she turned her face

away from him to look out at the water again.

"Hurry up, then," she said abruptly. 'Because I want

to go."

He drew in a deep breath.

" I never really believed

in love.I wasn't even sure it existed"

'I remember,' she interrupted acidly. You'd seen

it masquerading as lust, or greed."

"Yes , I had. I'd seen nothing but chaos in its wake,'

he continued. 'And that made me determined to con-

trol my own life and destiny. That's why I steered

clear of any emotional entanglements and it had al-

ways worked just fine. And then I met you.

"Don't' He could see her jaw working now. Don't

tell me things you don't mean.'

'I won't. Because what's in it for me to make this

admission, unless to admit that I'm fighting like mad

to try to get you back, Toyin? To tell you that you ap-

peal to me on every level which matters? You didnt

just break through the glass ceiling of my life you

smashed your way in, without even seeming to try.

Somehow you made me confide in you. Made me

realise that talking about painful stuff was the only

way of letting it go. You gave me your body in the

most beautiful way I could have imagined. You made

the hard-bitten workers at Poonbarra fall completely

under your spell, because despite everything this princess has the common touch. I fought it as hard

as I knew how and I'm through with fighting because, 

I love you, Toyin."

"I don't believe you.' she said.

"You can't choose who you love" , he continued

doggedly. "But if you could, I would still choose you.

Even if you tell me you never want to see me again, I

will never regret loving you, Toyin. Because some-

how you've made me come alive. You've made me

experience joy-only the flipside of that is the pain

of missing you'.

He saw in her eyes the gleam of unshed tears,

and a sudden unbearable thought occurred to him.

Maybe he really had blown it with his arrogance and

his fear. He felt the raw aching of his heart and then

she started to speak.

"All my life I've been put on a pedestal, like some

kind of marble statue", she said. 'And when you made

love to me, you made me feel like a real woman.'

'Only then I realised that you've imposed all these

rules and guidelines about what I'm allowed to do

and what I'm allowed to say. I'm not allowed to love

you, but presumably I was going to be allowed to

love our children. Only love isn't something you can

limit, or siphon off. It's supposed to grow, Mas. We're

supposed to spread as much of it around as we pos-

sibly can."

"Then spread some over me", he said softly, but

still she shook her head.

"What if I'm frigid?' she demanded.

" If that night

we had sex at the palace is the way it's going to be

from now on?"

"You think that?"

"It's your opinion I'm asking, Mas"

"I thought you must be uptight about being in the

palace and so I decided to back off-to give you the

space you needed."

Her voice trembled. 'I thought you'd gone off me"

"Gone off you? Are you out of your mind? We were

having a communication breakdown, which wasn't 

exactly helped by palace protocol."

He met her gaze and wondered if she could read

the longing in his. She still hadn't touched him and he

thought there was still some defiance in her attitude.

" I'm going to Paris next month. I'm taking a pro-

fessional pastry course to capitalise on all the cook-

ing I did at Poonbarra.'

"Then I can come to Paris and work from there"

'Maybe I want the chance to spread my wings and

live on my own for a while.'

'Then I'll wait until you're ready to fly back to me.'

"You're so sure I would?"

"That's a risk I'm prepared to take."

She looked at him. "Do you think you have the an-

swer to everything, Massimo Carter?"

"I hope so, he said, his voice suddenly serious.

'Because I feel like I'm fighting for my life here. All

I'm asking for is one more chance, Toyin. A chance

to make it right. A chance to show you just how much

you mean to me."

Her lips pressed in on themselves but he could

sense she was softening.

"If you ever, ever hurt me"

"I won't ever hurt you again; he vowed. I will

love and cherish you for the rest of my days. Just so

long as you... His words tailed off, but he knew that be had to say them. Because they were equals. Be-

cause his love for her was fierce and strong, but that

didn't make him any less vulnerable. 

And because

there was no shame attached in admitting that to the

Promise never to the 

woman you loved. He swallowed.

" Don't hurt me either" 

'Oh, Mas' And now the unshed tears were spill-

ing down her face and she brushed them away as she

shook her head from side to side.

* I will never do that,

she whispered. 'Never.'

His own eyes were pricking as he framed her face

in his hands and a swell of emotion so powerful came

over him that the world seemed to tilt on its axis. 

For

a moment there was nothing but stillness as their

gazes met.

His voice was full of tenderness. 

"Do you want to

sail your yacht off into the sunset?"

She smiled as she lifted her face to his. It's a long

time until sundown. I think I'd rather kiss you instead.'