Chapter 13

Sara:

I had never felt this awful in my life. Hearing those words pour out of my little sister's mouth the previous day cut deeper than I could have ever anticipated. Alex had been with me all night, doing his best to console me. The tears I shed were unlike any I had ever cried. I was engulfed by an overwhelming sense of guilt and self-loathing. I had allowed myself to become a monster, a shadow of the person I once was.

I couldn't believe the extent of the pain I had caused, not just to Julie, but to everyone I had hurt, especially Kyle. His life was forever altered because of me, and I couldn't bear the weight of that burden. I still loved him, despite my overwhelming anger seeing him with my sister. I had thought he was cheating on me, but in reality, he was only offering Julie advice, advice she couldn't seek from me after I had stolen her boyfriend.

My emotions were a tangled mess, driven by jealousy. I was terrified that Julie was moving forward with her life while I remained stagnant in my parents' house. I couldn't fathom how my thirteen-year-old sister had experienced her first boyfriend while I hadn't even had my first kiss. I felt like she was intentionally humiliating me, making me feel unworthy of any guy's attention. I believed she had turned me into a laughingstock, even though it may not have been true.

Looking in the mirror, I no longer recognized the person staring back at me. I was initially indifferent to the transformation, but witnessing the pain I had inflicted on my sister opened my eyes to the extent of my selfishness and my desperate quest for love. I had thrown away something precious that I already had because I couldn't control my jealousy.

Waking up that morning, Alex was already awake. He smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I stumbled into the bathroom and noticed that my makeup from the night before had smeared all over my face. It was a reflection of the emotional turmoil I felt. Returning to the room, I sat down next to Alex.

I muttered, "I know we need to talk, but can we please do this when I get back home from Italy, please?"

He asked, "Sure, so when are you leaving, and when will you be back?"

I explained, "I'm leaving tonight, and I'll be back in a week. I think it's best if I go to clear my mind and figure out what I want to do with my life. I also need you to do me a favor while I'm gone."

"What's that, babe?" Alex inquired.

"I want you to talk to my sister and let her know that I'm truly sorry for everything. I know Julie, and when she's angry, she'll go to great lengths to avoid me. Having her in the same room with me would be a terrible idea. She can be both an angel and a devil when she believes you deserve what you get. So please talk to her. You're the only person she listens to, and I hope she'll eventually find it in her heart to forgive me, even though it might take time."

Alex assured me, "Sure thing, I'll talk to her. That's if she gives me the chance to say a word, but I'll do my best."

I thanked him and gave him a kiss on the lips. We headed downstairs to prepare some breakfast.

"Hey, Mom," I greeted her as she entered the kitchen.

My mom looked concerned and said, "Hey, baby, you look terrible. I hope this one week in Italy will help. I've never seen you this messed up before. Are you going to be okay? I have to go to work now."

I assured her, "Yes, I'll be fine, Mother. I just need to make some breakfast, take a shower, and I'll be okay."

Julie entered the kitchen, dressed as if she were going out. She took a glass of water and an apple, ready to leave when Mom stopped her.

She inquired, "Since when did this new attitude start? You're walking in and not even saying good morning. Where do you think you're going?"

Julie replied with sass, "Well, first of all, it isn't morning, and secondly, I'm going to school, in case you've forgotten, like you always do. It's our high school reunion before everyone goes off to college or starts looking for a job. They'll search for something better to do with their lives."

With that, Julie left the room, and we heard the front door opening and closing after she left. Mom left for work as well, leaving me and Alex at home.

I sighed, "Well, I should start making breakfast," and Alex decided to make us some coffee. Having him around in moments like this was comforting.

Sitting down, we began eating our pancakes. After a few minutes, I broke the silence. "I've been thinking, with everything Julie told me last night, it might be a good idea to visit Kyle's parents and apologize for what happened. As for Kyle, I'm not allowed near him due to a restraining order, but perhaps if I talk to his parents, they might consider letting me see him so I can apologize for all the terrible things I've done. I truly am a horrible person, aren't I?"

Alex comforted me, "No, Sara, like your mother always says, everything happens for a reason, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Just try and make amends with everyone, okay?"

I nodded, "Sure."

I stared at my half-eaten pancake, the weight of my actions heavy on my heart. Turning to Alex, my voice quivering with guilt, I began, "Alex, I know I've messed up so many things, especially with Julie and Kyle. I can't ignore the guilt that's been eating at me. I really want to make things right, but I'm not sure how to start. Do you have any advice on how I can apologize and get things back on track with them?"

Alex placed his hand on mine, offering a reassuring smile. "Sara, the first step is acknowledging your mistakes, and you've already done that. It takes courage to confront your actions and their consequences. To make amends, you need to show genuine remorse and take responsibility for your actions."

I nodded, my eyes filled with tears. "I know I hurt them deeply. But how can I show them that I'm truly sorry?"

Alex continued, "Start by having an open and honest conversation with Julie. You've asked me to talk to her, but it's essential that you express your feelings and intentions directly to her. Let her know how much you regret your actions and how important she is to you. Be prepared to listen to her, too."

I took a deep breath, wiping away a tear. "You're right. I have to face Julie myself and have that conversation. What about Kyle? He's been through so much because of me. How can I even begin to apologize to him?"

Alex responded, "For Kyle, it might be a bit more complicated because of the restraining order. However, if you genuinely want to make amends with him, you can try writing a heartfelt letter. In it, you can express your remorse, apologize for your actions, and let him know that you understand the consequences of your behavior. But remember, respect the restraining order, and don't attempt to contact him in person."

I sighed, "A letter sounds like a good idea. I'll put my thoughts and apologies into words for Kyle. I just hope he'll eventually forgive me."

Alex leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I believe in you, Sara. Making amends takes time, but if your apologies are sincere and you're willing to change, there's a chance for reconciliation. You can start by working on yourself, learning from your mistakes, and being a better person. Show them, through your actions, that you're committed to making things right."

I smiled weakly, touched by Alex's support. "Thank you, Alex. Your advice means a lot to me, and I'll do my best to follow it."

Alex squeezed my hand and said, "Remember, it's not about fixing everything overnight. Take it one step at a time, and be patient with yourself. I'm here for you every step of the way."

As we finished our breakfast, a glimmer of hope began to shine through. With time and sincere effort, I could rebuild the relationships I had shattered.