Feeling Inferiority

When the bony dragon first bit towards me, the impression is still fresh in my memory. I couldn't help but shiver again, not to mention its astonishing speed. If not for Adrian reminding me in time, or if it was a slightly smaller monster, I probably would have barely escaped today.

"But what does this have to do with me caring about what others think of me? Even if I was being reckless, you still shouldn't hit me for it..." 

I said very indignantly,

"Anyway, I was trying to create an opportunity for everyone to escape!"

"You..."

Adrian seemed quite angry with me and went straight to the crux of the matter.

"Then why were you willing to risk your life to actively create an escape opportunity for everyone?"

"I..."

The various lofty reasons that I was about to blurt out suddenly became stuck in my throat. Should I really say that I was being self-sacrificing for the greater good? 

I'm very clear that I'm not that kind of person. I had just joined the team less than two days ago. How could I possibly be so selfless already? If I used that kind of reason as an excuse, it would be too shameless.

"You were just afraid of everyone finding out you were 3rd rank! Afraid that after they knew, they would look down on you because of your low rank. So you wanted to take the initiative to perform, to gain their trust!"

I shuddered. It was as if Adrian had torn away the fig leaf covering my heart completely and saw right through me, stating everything accurately! Many things that even I was unaware of unconsciously doing, only after he pointed them out did I suddenly realize the reasons behind them. 

Come to think of it, wasn't I looking for Alfreed precisely because of these factors? And I didn't hesitate to tell him I was 3rd rank, hoping to get this opportunity to perform. Wasn't it because I was afraid I couldn't keep it hidden any longer?

"I reminded you before not to care what others think of you. Hiding your identity card was one thing, I didn't mind if you didn't listen to my advice. These were all nothing. But I didn't expect the pressure Eleanora and Hayden gave you to be so great that you would take such risks, willing to charge to your death just to maintain that little bit of standing in others' eyes."

Everything that happened around me had been noticed by him. He accurately pointed out those things that had previously stimulated and embarrassed me, making me flustered. 

"What you did was really...really...inferior."

Seeing Adrian's pained expression, he seemed reluctant to say those words.

"I'm sorry..."

I lowered my head in great shame.

In fact, he was right. I didn't even know why I cared so much about what others thought of me. I always felt that if others discovered I was not what they imagined, there would be an inexplicable sense of fear, wanting to make up for this relationship desperately, even unconsciously ignoring the serious consequences.

After all, if Adrian hadn't insisted on following me, I would probably have been chewed to pieces by the bony dragon now. Only at this moment did I realize how much he had done for me in between.

"Feliciana, you are really not weak! Judging from your escape from the bony dragon's pursuit just now and your past achievements, you have really reached the 4th rank level, and even surpassed it. You don't have to believe me, but you should believe in yourself!"

Seeing me like this, Adrian seemed to soften a bit. He walked over and gently encouraged me.

"I don't understand. You are clearly an angel, so why are you feeling so inferior? Could it really be the amnesia that has had such a big impact on you?" 

"Inferior..."

Hearing this word, I was suddenly enlightened. 

Isn't that how it is? I have always been living in inferiority! Although I would sometimes show off and boast to others, wasn't it just to desperately gain their approval?

If it wasn't so, how could I have given up on Quinn?

The excuses that she already had a boyfriend were nothing but excuses. The real reason was that I felt inferior, felt that I was not good enough for her. Even when Astrid hinted that I had a chance, I retreated without hesitation.

Thinking of this, my tears flowed uncontrollably in an instant.

I only realized now what's the use of all this? She may have already died! 

And I've become like this...

I'm really not a man inside and out!!

"I'm sorry!"

However, when Adrian saw how I looked now, he panicked. He didn't understand at all why I would suddenly cry like this. Thinking he might have said something wrong, he was at a loss as to what to do.

When I had cried enough and came back to my senses, I found that Adrian was standing in front of me with great concern.

"I'm sorry."

I wiped away my tears, only to let him see such an embarrassing side of me again.

"I... I..." 

Adrian didn't know what to say for a while, stuttering for half a day before asking.

"Did I say something wrong just now? And I slapped you too..."

"No!" I quickly clarified, not wanting him to think I couldn't distinguish right from wrong. 

"What you said was all right! I'll be more careful in the future. And I also know clearly that you really care about me. I can tell the difference."

"Then why were you crying?"

he scratched his head, clearly puzzled by my unusual behavior just now and very concerned about it.

"It's nothing! Just some small personal issues of mine, don't worry about it!"

I shook my head. After all, it was impossible for him to know these things, I could only brush it off perfunctorily.

"But..."

Adrian opened his mouth as if he felt things were not as simple as I said, but since I had made it so clear that I didn't want him to get involved, it would be inappropriate for him to ask further.

However, seeing that I did realize my problem, he also relaxed a little. Suddenly his expression became serious, and he solemnly apologized to me.

"Even if you think I'm right, I still want to say sorry to you. No matter how justified the reason, I did hit you in the end, which was wrong of me. Please forgive me."

"It's really fine!" 

I was very helpless. I didn't expect him to be so stubborn about it.

"If anything, it should be me thanking you."

"That's too polite, it doesn't seem right..."

Hearing me say this, Adrian chuckled awkwardly and scratched his head, looking a little embarrassed.

"Alright alright! You don't need to keep apologizing either."

Seeing his reaction, I nodded in agreement. Actually, my thanks just now also made me feel a little awkward. 

"Why don't we think of a way to save the others instead?"

I quickly changed the topic back to the main issue.

"But do you know how to save them?"

Unexpectedly, Adrian looked at me very seriously and said,

"Although we've escaped, because of the previous battle with the bony dragons in the sky above the city, it has put the enemy on unprecedented high alert."

"Do you have any ideas?"

I had to admit Adrian made a lot of sense, but we couldn't just abandon them, right?

"The situation now is not optimistic. So it's best if you go to the volcano we set as our target first and wait there. If that is really the location for the teleporter exchange, hurry back to the Astralrealm Kingdom for reinforcements." 

After thinking for a while, he assigned me a task.

"What about you then?"

I suddenly had a feeling that he wanted to get rid of me.

"Even if it's not easy, I still have to find a way to sneak back into the city and meet up with Alfreed and the others."

"How is that possible! You said it yourself that they are highly vigilant now."

As I expected, Adrian proposed a plan that seemed rather far-fetched to me. 

"And why do you have to go back alone? It's daytime now, the city gates are not open. Without flying, how do you plan to get in?"

"No, I can still find a way in alone."

Unexpectedly, Adrian gave me a very definite answer.

"The crash site of the two bony dragons happens to be stuck on top of the city wall, causing great chaos. To free them requires external intervention and manual work. So some monsters must come out from the nearby city gates to go outside the city wall. This gives me a chance to sneak in..."

"Shouldn't that depend on the bony dragons themselves? Why ask other monsters for help instead?" I asked puzzlingly. If it was really as he said, I believed that with his wit, he should be able to accomplish this. But were the bony dragons really that stupid? They were 6th rank monsters!

Thinking of the huge bodies of those bony dragons, if a person stood next to one, it would be like standing next to a building dozens of stories high. I really couldn't figure out what ordinary monsters could do to separate those two.

"The undead have no intelligence. So for them to serve monsters, various means are needed to control them. Complicated operations like separating and getting off the city wall cannot usually be accomplished by remote control. In the end, manual dismantling into segments may be necessary... And those spires now seem to have finally realized their purpose - a device to control undead like the bony dragons."

Adrian's words almost overturned my understanding of the undead, giving me a very uncomfortable feeling.

Although I had heard Selene mention before that the undead have no intelligence, I didn't pay much attention. Only now did I deeply experience that this was very unexpected. 

"What about vampires? Don't they have intelligence either?"

I suddenly thought of another place that didn't match common sense. As far as I knew, vampires had always been considered a kind of undead.

"I already told you, a vampire's true form is a bat." 

Adrian looked puzzled, not understanding why I associated vampires with the undead.

"It should be regarded as a kind of creature extremely corrupted by magic."

This...

Turns out to be inconsistent with what I knew! Indeed, I couldn't just apply Earth's common sense to this world casually.