19. A Chapter dedicated For a Hunt!
Hello,
Sokomon here.
This chapter is about some of the things even I don't know. So, Let's see how it goes.
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First of all, Thank you for finally giving me a second review. Those were two words, But they made me realize tons of things.
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You, Mr.Reader, Who gave me what I wanted...
I, THANK YOU.
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Now....
Onto the main topic. I have again accumulated tons of unknown things inside myself without my knowledge. So, Let's go for a hunt today.....!
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Before that!
I have finally realized how crucial a Cover Picture is for a Novel. I was doing shits for three months or something, and all I got was 4k views.
And, it's only been a few days or something since I created the Cover Picture using AI,
And The viewer count went up by 1k.
Damn! I mean, Thanks for the 5k views.
As, I no longer crave attention and stones and comments.
So, don't worry about that.
This chapter is basically for me hunting down my insecurities, which even I am ignorant about.
As, I have been procrastinating for weeks now.
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1)The first insecurity is that....
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I do realize that What I'm writing right now does not necessarily sound like a Novel.
And as I read the works of other authors, It hits me every time, that THE WORLD IS A BIG AND SCARY PLACE.
But, I do know that, I TOO CAN MAKE THAT TYPE OF BESTSELLERS. I mean, Of Course right now it is not possible as I am not giving myself the right education for that( to learn the fundamentals of writing).
But, I do possess the confidence to write bestsellers and stuff, I think?
So, I'm gonna focus on This one and only This one for now.
And When I feel like, I have built the foundation strong enough, I'll try to learn some new skills of an author.
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2) The second one would be.....
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Hmm....
What is my second one? It's hard to catch it, as its stealth ability is higher than the first one.....
Hmmm....
Well, Let's try this!
These are the symptoms.
I haven't touched my books for weeks even though, my final exams are around the corner ( in a week or so).
I haven't even memorized one single question.
It's like my brain is telling me to literally fail here.
I know It might not sound so good, but I am hearing it like this....."LEARN FROM THIS FAILURE YOU ARE GOING TO EXPERIENCE!!"
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That fucker literally wants be to fail here.
My whole year would be in vain, you brain booming bug.
So, just shut up! and let me abuse you, to make up for the time, I have spent, doing Nothing....!!!
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'Fuck You! What do you mean by NO?
I am the owner here! You are MINE! So, Fuck Off!!!'
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Sorry guys, I had an argument or something like that, I think? Even I don't know.
Brain san is saying that, I have been too lazy with my life. As I have lived almost a normal and easygoing, ordinary life. So, he wants me to face a failure. So, that I can descipline myself for the future Me's sake.
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I mean, I get what you mean. I really do. As, We are connected, okay? But, Just think about my Parent's wrath. They would literally disown me or something, If I mess this up after living as a batchelor for around three years. I am not going to agree with you this time, Mr. Genius.
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So, Yeah!
I think, I have found my second Insecurity.
It's procrastination for no valid reason. I'll study.
At least enough to not mess things up on the big day.
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3) The third insecurity is...
My Social Relationships.
I mean, Friends, Family and acquiantances.
One of my close friends had another fight. And, I have realized, "I SUCK AT CONSOLING."
So, I have decided to let the adults work things out on their own, like they always do. It's not like I am even needed here. But, The type of friends I have...are unique.
As,
I believe that, I'd rather have one or two genuine friends than a bunch of temporary wannabe buddies.
And, My basic personality would be.....
AS LONG AS I'M FINE WITH IT I'M FINE WITH IT.
Meaning....I don't give a fuck, either way....type of personality.
So, As I searched the ocean for that kind of fish.
My hook ended up catching two fishes, which smelled great.
One was a Black Eel. The other was a White AnglerFish.
I found them comfortable to be around with.
As, The Black Eel...even though it gave electric shocks on a regular basis. It was like I was having shock therapy or something.
It feels nice to have a fish who can be a fish, even when caught in my hook. And knows when to draw the line. So that I don't step on its tail.
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And, The White AnglerFish, was more like "I CAN BE YOUR SUPERMAN IF YOU WANT, BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT, THAT'S FINE TOO" type of fish.
Meaning, another 'I don't give a fuck either way' type of fish. I am comfortable around those types of fishes. As, they don't care either way.... doesn't mean that I can go and grab that lamp on his forehead or something. It means, I can be myself. The Loser one is fine, The Leader one is fine, The caring one is fine, The Bastard one is fine.
Everything is fine with that.....
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Ofcourse!
These two are my only friends, Who belong to another species. I have some human friends as well.
But, How should I say this??
They are like.....Humans!
So, We have a human-like relationship.
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Ofcouse,
As, I DON'T MAKE ENEMIES. I get along with everyone. I don't give others the opportunity to see me as a threat. I mean, As, I DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING.... I don't get sad over little human-like triats. But, Yeah!
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I don't even know Why have I written so much in this section? I don't even have any problem with the friends I have.
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THE KEY POINTS WERE :-
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i) Thanks for pointing out one more flow on me, Now, I, at least know, what to do when consoling someone. It has been a huge burden on my heart since a few years ago. And, As nobody pointed it out, I was unable to even realize what was the uncomfortable feeling I had.
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I mean, I always get benefit from any situation nowadays. No matter if it's someone's happiness or someone's sorrow. All it matter is my growth.
As, I AM QUITE SELFISH!!
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ii) I like the personality of the Protagonists of the Novels, " HOW TO USE A RETURNER", " ORIEGAIRU", and "THE LEGENDARY MOONLIT SCULPTURE".
I have liked them for years now.
I have always admired these guys as my ideals, or mentors or something. So, the hybrid of their personalities might be developing in myself.
One Knows the Darkness in this world. One knows How to be content with him being him. And One Had a great Growth Personality.
The Common Point by the way, in them would be that, They all know their priorities.
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It's not a bad feeling, Atleast for me,
But, The Sokomon personality always keeps everything in check.
As he knows, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. Meaning, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. WE JUST DON'T KNOW SHIT! So, It tries to warn me sometimes, that I should seek feedbacks. As, What is pleasant for me, might not be for others around me.
And, I DO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT OTHERS FEELS ABOUT ME. It's fine though, as long as I don't hear them.( I don't even know why I am typing this shit? And after all that i don't give a fuck speech.
Human Mind sure is Complex. It wants everything.)
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As, one of my motto is AS LONG AS I'M FINE WITH IT, I'M FINE WITH IT. So, If i'm not fine with others being uncomfortable around me, I will do something to make me feel FINE again.
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I mean, This was the first motto, I created at the age of eight or something, I don't remember.
And, It has played a major role in Me staying alive.
(Ofc, I never considered suicide. It's for the unlucky pitiful loser ones who don't really get to have someone to listen to them.)
I meant to say, My MOTTOS became my CONVICTIONS. And, I felt good. Living with my own convictions.
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(Damn!
Why did I end up babbling this much after my third insecurity?
Was it this bad? I know I drifted apart midway.
But, Who cares...)
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Oh!
And If I have to represent a Fish for Myself,
I'd go with a Catfish!!
I am strong. But, Do seem Harmless. Cause, That's less work for me.
At the end of the day, Everything is devoured by the Stomach. Does it matter Whose it is?
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Well.....
See Yaa!!!!