Seo-jeong

My life is a bed of roses, the thorns makes it harder to sleep

In this case it was especially painful, I felt my body sink into the soft bed like someone was pressing me into it. The bed wasn't indifferent either, it was as if it had always wanted to swallow me whole. Sweat rushing down my face, I was stuck somewhere between a sleep paralysis and a nightmare. The nightmare that has left me traumatized for years...

"Seojun, are you done eating?" Mrs Bae inquired

"I'm full". She picked up a napkin and wiped off the crumbs of food from my cheeks. "Oh" she giggled and pat me on the head. "What are you doing" she ran a quick scan through the books that were on the table.

"Reading"

"These are grade 3 text books aren't they?"

"Yes" I flipped the page trying to pay more attention to the wordings of the book than the house keeper.

"But you're still in grade 2, I don't think you should overwork yourself like that"

I paused and drew a long silent breath "my books got boring"

She closed the textbook shut and tapped me on the sholder "An eight year old should behave like an eight year old" she smiled warmly "now go outside and you can play with your brother by the pool"

"Brother?"

"Mmm... Master Seojeong is by the pool. Come on, run along, I think you have overused your study time. Run along now"

I went out and back to the pool area. The air was always chill there. Seojeong was sitting by the pool with both feet in it. I approached him and squatted beside him.

He took a quick glance at me and starred back at the stagnant pool "why?"

"Huhn?"

"Is there anything you'd like to say to me?"

I starred at the pool too, it was relaxing "No. Mrs Bae asked for me to join you here"

"I don't need it. You can go"

Then there was silence... "I've never had a sibling before. But all my classmates say that older brothers are the best" I mustered up a smile.

"Yoon Seojun"

"Yes"

He glared at me, the moment our eyes locked it felt like the air in my chest got stuck. It was really hard to breath.

"I'm not your brother, I'm your replacement" he got up and squatted next to me with the same intense stare "you see, you're broken, you came with a huge default" he grinned and stood behind me "and the moment you slip... That's when I come into the picture"

I was pushed into the pool. Struggling and wiggling in the water with zero swimming skills. I tried to reach out to him

"Hyung hyung! (Hyung-- how younger Korean males address older ones) Help me!" Were the only words I could shout out. I tried to raise my voice against the loud splattering sound of my weak arms against the water. Sooner than later my vision was blurr and I was out of breath.

Out of breath...

Out of breath....

I'm out of breath.....

Breathe...

"Breathe" Mrs Bae was yelling over my head

I drew a deep breath that broke out in rigorous series of cough.

I looked around and the blurry spinning room gradually stopped and became more visible, Mrs Bae and butler Lee where beside my bed.

"Help him up" Mrs bae called and Mr Lee followed, helping me to sit up right

"Are you ok?" He released me slowly

I checked around just to make sure I was well aware of my surrounding

"What do we do? I thought he no longer had attacks like this" Mr Lee inquired of Mrs Bae

"I don't know as well. Seojun, Master Seojun, are you alright?" She drew closer "would you like us to inform your dad or perhaps take you to the hospital"

"Drugs" I pointed at the drawer of the tabletop wardrobe's the wwas opposite where I was

"Yes of course" she got them for me and Mr Lee rushed out returning quickly with a bottle of water. "How do you feel now?"

"Sleepy. If you will excuse me I would like to go back to bed" I tried not to make my trembling hands obvious but the water in the bottle I held easily gave me away

Mrs Bae let out a sharp breath "ye-yes of course. We'll be right outside if you need us don't hesitate to call"

Just before they both went out I called to Mrs Bae "when did you say Seojeong would be returning?"

She checked her watch: 12:53 am

"Today"

...

"I'll buy you guys lunch. Come on let's go" Mi-rae giggled and threw both arms around I and Junghoon's necks.

"What are we celebrating?" Junghoon was using his free hand to pack his backpack

"I aced the exams" she snickered and rushed for her own backpack. She pulled out her scripts and grinned big "it's all B's"

"It's not that good"

She pouted "it's better than your C's"

"Hey! I have B's too" he continued in a low voice "they're just not as much"

"Seojun what about you?"

"A's. And a B"

"Wow Seojun you're really the best" she reeled up a thumb. "So what do you guys say? I'll buy you whatever you want to eat" she hopped out of the classroom.

"You guys should go ahead, I... "

Junghoon grabbed my wrist "just come" he smiled, tapped me twice and gestured to the door with his head.

We each had a bowl of ramyeon that day and junghoon ended up making a mess of his bag after accidentally spilling broth on it.

"You know, you're really a big baby" Mi-rae tried wiping it off

"It's not my fault the bowl was slippery. Seojun back me up here"

"You're pretty careless" I tried wiping off the broth splash that mischievously flew unto my sleeve.

Mi-rae gave up and sat back down. She stared into her bowl of halfway devoured ramyeon and sighed. It was nice doing better at studies and all but for a prey, there was always a flip side. Most predators became enraged and irritated when their preys started having better times and better grades. How do I say this? I guess it dents their pride. In Mi-rae's case her predators were especially particular about having better grades than her.

She smiled and stared at both of us for some time. "I can't wait to get out of this school and become a medical doctor so I can finally help unnie with the bills"

(Unnie: how younger females address older females or relatives in Korea)

"You're not becoming a medical doctor with your low GPA" he stuck out his tongue to her

"Hey! Wanna bet?" She grinned and held my hand "I'll pass Seojun next year I swear"

"I don't see that happening, you have cotton candy for where your brain's supposed to be"

Cotton candy... I chuckled "and how much are we betting?"

She slammed the table, clearly imitating someone from the joseon era "how about my life's worth"

"And how much is that"

"I don't know" she shrugged and giggled "probably a little over a bowl of ramyeon"

"That's not much"

And it wasn't...

...

I took a shower and grabbed a loose top with a pair of shorts. I stood beside the window arms folded and absurbed the view, the rustling of the leaves, the nocturnal creatures going about their daily lives and the splended view that Seoul had to offer.

Seojeong arrived a little earlier and father had demanded that a little feast be held to commemorate his arrival. Since his arrival I've been up in my room, the thought of him alone makes my chest lock and by head pound with a bad ache. 10 years ago Seojeong claimed that he tried to help me out of the pool and everyone dissmised what I had to say because they failed to trust my unreliable child memory but the face he made when I was on the verge of death still haunts me.

Knock knock

"I'm not hungry"

"we were afraid you'll say that so Chairman Yoon personally asked that I escort you down on his order" Mr Lee called from behind the door

"Tell Grandpa that I'm not in the mood"

"Master Yoon" he sucked in air through his clenched teeth "you and I know that there's no telling Chairman Yoon"

At the table Father sat opposite Grandfather and Yoon Seojun was sitter opposite the place I'd assume was reserved for me. I greeted them all and sat trying as much as possible to avoid eye contact with the very demon that I alone know wants me dead.

The dining area was awkwardly silent so I starred at my cutlery. For as long as I can remember I've never been given cutlery made of steel. When I was a child I thought it was a way of adoring me by providing a separate cutlery but as I grew older the cutlery only changed in size. They were all still plastic.

Grandfather chuckled (once again... Santa like) "Seojun do you still use plastic cutlery?" He faced father "Dae-hyeon I thought we were through with that"

Seojeong laughed, he put down his spoon, folded his arms and sat back "yes Dad, Seojun is no longer a baby. It's ok now isn't it?" the corner of his mouth curled up in a smirk "he should be just fine"

"Thank you for the meal" I dug in