Chapter 6

AGNES

If I had to choose a day that I could avoid the most, this would probably be that day. I couldn't even swallow my saliva because of the weight of my feelings. And the hardest thing here is that I have to show my Mom that I am happy for her, I have to make her feel that I fully support her happiness.

Maybe I'm just shocked. She and David have only been together for a few months as far as I know. I thought at first, it was just for her to have a companion, but to think that she will get married? It is hard to accept. Very difficult.

How can she replace Dad?

How can she marry other?

That has been the milliondollar questions I asked for several days now.

I am in pain. For Dad maybe.

I keep thinking about how Dad feels right now. Does he have any idea that the woman he ever loved his whole life until his last breath is going to marry anyone else? Can he see us now?

"I think you're just making your Dad an excuse to justify how you feel right now."

Yep, Dominic's voice sprung in my ears.

Dom is my therapist, he was just a 5 years older than me. A fresh graduate in psychology and was able to build his own clinic. Because as far as I know, he's family is wealthy and in Medical too. I mean all of them, even their past roots.

I decided to take my session again with him two days ago, the next day after I met the stranger again.

I figured that what he did to me in that abadoned tunnel whom he claim that his own personal freedom wall helps me deal with my insomnia that night.

I went back the next day, but he wasn't there and even check the local bar, to no avail.

"Why would you think that I am using my Dad as excuse to feel that way?" I asked Dom.

He sighed "Try to think clearly this time what you first thought when I said the words that your Mom is getting married again." He suggested.

And I did, close my eyes and flinch from what I just thought.

"What did you feel?"

"Afraid." I answered him.

"What are you afraid of when your Mom gets married again, Agnes?" He pressed.

I looked at the window and see the clear sky, it's only two hours before sunset.

My lip quiver and held my hand tighter. A tear escapes my eyes. I close it and try to regain my breathing, "I am afraid of not knowing what would happen to us next."

Dom starts to take note in his pad. "Can you specify it more, if you can?" He looks at me.

I am hesitant at first, but I have to tell him for me to be able to washed away this anxiety. I have to help myself.

"I wonder if David is really a good person or if he's just showing us what we want to see--" I pause, and fidget my nails, Dom's looking at it and he took notes again on his pad. "--I'm afraid that he might hurt Mom. I'm afraid that the next thing that will happen is that he will interfere with the decisions and my life with Mom. I'm afraid that he might take Mom away from me." I took a deep breath, "--I'm afraid he might completely erase Dad from Mom and I's life." I bowed down, maybe I'm ashamed because why do I feel this way?

"What you are feeling is normal, Agnes."

He says and I looked up at him. "You think?"

"He's normal, actually. For someone whose parents are getting married to someone else. I can say that almost everyone feels the same way you do. So, you don't have to feel sorry for feeling that way."

That helps.

"--what's not normal is your severe thinking about the situation. I guess, your panic attacks are coming back--"

"No, it is not." I stopped him before he can finish.

He looks at my bloodied finger. And I know he already knows.

"Agnes, you can't keep things from me."

I nods and hide my hands in the pocket of my hoodie. "I know--"

"What's bugging you?"

"Him."

"What do you mean, him?" I can see the worry on Dom's eyes. He became my friend, actually.

"He's been contacting me for a month now."

"What?" He stood up and look down on me, even put his hands on his waist "--why didn't you tell me? You still had a restraining order against him--"

"I know-- I just--" I took a deep breath "--I don't know, I just--"

What? Why didn't I tell anyone about him trying to contact me again? What is really the reason?

"Don't tell me you are talking to him again?"

"What? No." I snap. "--I am not, I promise."

He took a deep breath, sat down to level himself infront of me and hold me by my knee. "Please, Agnes. Do not let him consume you again. Don't waste all the time we spent so you can realize what you feel for him wasn't love, but just pure longing and affection. Don't forget that he took advantage of you and your weaknesses."

I sigh "This is why I didn't tell you about this--" I know, I sound disappointed, but I am. "--you wouldn't believe me even if I tell you that I didn't."

"Agnes, I believe you. I trust you, It is him that I don't."