Calm Before the Storm

After talking back to my father, I felt a little bad over my behaviour. I had started pacing in my room almost as soon as I arrived. It truly was my own action and conduct that caused his anger towards me, nothing more. He had all of these rules to protect me. Of course, I do feel that my reaction to the mate thing should not have been unexpected. It would be nice to know why he protects me the way he does. Why could I not be like my brother? An Alpha, not an omega. The protector instead of the protected weakling.

The fact remains the same. My father is trying to mate my brother and I off, and I for one am not for it. The fact that I truly am not a real wolf in not just my eyes, but the pack as a whole makes the idea of me even having a mate laughable. Wolves should be strong, and tall and perfect. The body I have could be beaten up by kindergarteners. There are pups half my age already taller than me. It really hits on my already low self-esteem. What did I do in a past life to have the ire of the Moon Goddess in this one?

My nerves felt rattled, and I really felt the need to get out for another run. A longer one, maybe just keep running. "Ugh. Why am I so agitated?" I threw another book across the room in my furry.

A knock at my door had me freeze. "Kash, can I come in?" Thankfully it was not my father but my brother. He was much more level-headed and could understand me for the most part.

My big brother hopefully here to the rescue, had a smile spread across my lips. "It's not locked." I walked over as he entered. "How mad is father?"

He chuckled while looking at the state of my room. "He is not that upset with you. You know he just worries about your safety. You have been around this for seventeen, well eighteen years; I am sure you should be used to it by now."

"I just do not get why. No one explains anything to me. I am almost eighteen and still do not know or understand why I was never allowed to go to school, or train with the warriors. Why am I protected from the other wolves' brother? Why do I even have to be protected?" I sat on my bed knowing he won't answer my rambled questions but asked them anyway. "Look, I feel very restless today. I had to go for a run. I couldn't wait until the meeting was over. And nothing happened. I only went as far as the creek and back."

"Wait. The creek by the small flower field?" I looked up at my brother who seemed anxious now. His face paled with his understanding of where I went. 

"Umm, yes that one. It is far from rogues and patrol so no one will smell me. Besides going for a run without a guard, did I do something else against the rules?" Turning away I was afraid to look at him as I asked. Maybe there really was more to my father's anger. Sometimes I really do not stop to think.

"Kash that really is not good. We built cabins for the Royals out there. Father and I promised not to have wolves run out there days before the arrival. Maybe they won't smell you. If you never saw cabins, you could have been far enough away." I could see the regret in his eyes. He knows why I was not informed. 

"Why would you not tell me?" I could feel the anger building once more. They already knew I would be unable to go for runs the next few because of the ball. They kept me in the dark once more. "You guys are always like this! Keeping me out of the loop, protecting me from possible dangers. Why can't you both learn to trust me occasionally!" I was growling by now. If I was in wolf form, my hackles would be raised.

"Calm down Kash. When are you ever running without a guard anyways?" Jace had his hands up in defence as he backed away from me.

"How about almost every second night while you all sleep?" I blurted the truth out in my frustration and regretted it right away.

"What?" He walked back towards me, obviously now a little furious with my admittance. This will have repercussions for me, goodbye night runs.

"You know. This would never happen if you let me free in our own pack grounds. Why am I caged in my own home? Why don't you have a guard? ONLY ME! You know what? Never mind, get out! I do not want to see you right now." I knew it was not fair to put my anger all in his direction, but he was the one in front of me at this time. It was my actions of breaking the rules that got him angry. In my current state of mind, that no longer mattered. "I won't go to dinner with your precious visitors either so don't bother coming back."

Slamming the door and locking it, I threw my room into complete disorder in my anger. The thing is, even though Omegas tend be on the softer and gentler side, I was more aggressive and assertive. I hated to follow orders. Being an Omega, it tends to be in our nature to follow them according to the couple in our pack. I have fought that side of me on a regular basis. Never have I wanted to feel lower than other pack members. Most wolves followed orders according to hierarchy. Not omegas. Only my father and brother had some control over me, and I allowed it due to the order of things. My father was my Alpha and my brother was soon to be my Alpha. If I was born normal, no one else would be above me besides the Beta in absence of the Alpha, so why do I have to change those rules? That was how I liked it and the way it should be.

The anger of rank and my father pushing the mate business had me fuming. Not once have I needed a mate and I plan to never need one. This omega's body belongs to me, and it will not drag anyone else down with it. I will stay the poor excuse of the Alpha's second son and own it. Damn the other pack members and curse my father for thinking I had to have someone. 

Mentally I was now exhausted and could not think anymore. My bed was a welcome sight after my blow up. I had to move a few books from the aftermath of my anger before I could lay down, but it did not take long. A full clean-up was going to have to happen tomorrow because it was time to close my eyes and try to relax a little. While I was laying on my bed finally settling from the day's affairs, I could hear footsteps approaching my door. It was my father, and I could tell he was furious. Sighing I got up to unlock the door before he threatened to break it down. He would be serious too, a quick lesson learned as a child, never anger the Alpha. Even if he was your father.

"Kash. This is uncalled for. You are late to dinner." He did not enter my room when I opened the door for him. His silver eyes showed some surprise when he first looked at the destruction I caused, before going back to his disappointed glare. "Do not make me order you. You know I hate doing it, but these guests are important to the pack. They are the Royals. They decide how land is distributed and how pack disputes are finalized. If you do not show them respect, we can lose their support." His tone of voice was more tired than angry now. I could see the dark circles he tried to hide from others during his daily duties.

"Why am I not allowed freedom in the pack?" I was now looking out my window at the training field full of warriors. "You keep me from school. You keep me from having friends. You keep me from the pack. Why father?" I did my best to keep my tone neutral. My body really did not want to use more energy fighting.

"Kash. Can we discuss this later?" His voice was now angry once more. At least I was good at pushing buttons. "You need to think of the good of the pack. This is not about you tonight. This is all for the good of the pack."

Raising my voice in frustration I snapped back. "No Alpha." I dragged the word alpha out with sarcasm thick on my tongue. "I want to know now. You never let me expose myself to the pack without guards. I do not even know many members except the guards, and they will not talk with me. I just see the faces of pity when I do go out." Feeling the dark thoughts circling I wanted to hit him hard. "Is it because I am an omega or is it perhaps because I killed their Luna." I picked up a book that was on the table beside me and threw it at him. "WHICH IS IT ALPHA?"