Hiding Away from the World

After too many days spent "locked up" inside my tend, I finally step outside... Hiding at the outskirts of the camp.

I keep lying to myself, saying that it was Qin Luo who kept me from leaving, but obviously the problem is me. The guilt, the shame, the pain... I didn't want to face anyone's opinion. They will insult me, they will attack me... I don't normally care.

But the pain of being called a murderer of my friend? I wasn't ready for this. It's weird how the most absurd things can become someone's chains... I saw men being torn apart, eaten alive, killed others in too many ways... Yet this is what's breaking me apart.

Everything is crumbling as I've became this weak, and for the first time I can't stand up and go on... I can't even crawl right now.

"Leave the army and fight on my own"? Now I laugh at those words, what can I even do? I lack the motivation, I lack the strength, I lack the manpower, I lack the energy, I lack the support... I got nothing.

I relayed too much on myself, I thought I was ready, I thought I was strong... I knew that this path was a painful one yet kept saying that I could endure it, but now that I'm starting to experience it for real... I'm not so sure anymore. It's easy to make promises when things are still going well

-Maybe I should just leave...- I murmur -I've played my part-

Like many others who thought they were going to be the next hero... I joined this war full of high expectations, now that my chapter ended is time for me to step out of the spotlight.

I twist my fingers nervously and fire sparks fly around me, I look at them and chuckle with disgust -I can't even protect my brothers... I understand those books where they say that powers are a curse, more than ever-

Powers meant to help others, to protect and to fight big battles... Yet I'm a threat, they look at me in adoration when I'm on the battlefield but with fear once we're alone at the camp... And with those sand men around I become simply useless.

...

I hear steps behind me and Qin Luo's voice follows them -Sulking again, aren't we?- he mocks me

-Took you a while to find me- he scoffs -I took the longer route here, wanted to enjoy this little escape of yours- he seats beside me and smile but quickly becomes serious -Weird thoughts on your mind again?-

I nod and let myself fall down against him, the head on his shoulder and he arms on the ground. He rises an hand and cover my ear, drawing me closer

-They will be here soon, any day from now- I say after a few moments of silence, he nods and presses his lips tight with worry -Promise me that you won't do anything reckless once those papers come-

-I've... Threatened someone at the Palace, or I've been threatened. Not quite sure yet... But anyway, the sentence shouldn't be as heavy as we expect. Still, I won't be regaining anyone's support... So if the sentence is not playing in my favor, I'll do what I have to- I say, avoiding to pronounce the exact words... But he does it for me -You'll leave-

Again, I nod in silence.

After some time lying on his shoulder, I rise my head -We'll have to say goodbye soon- he looks into my eyes and catches a glimpse of the sadness I was trying to hide, of fear... He leans onward, placing a hand beside my thighs and cups my face -Don't you dare stop me- he whispers and kisses me right away.

No, I don't dare... I won't stop him.

I move closer to him, half seating on his laps and hugging his neck... Devouring him twice as more as he allowed himself to, hidden between piles of boxes... Just before dawn, in the cold night we adhere to eachother and feel our warmth.

Taken aback he stops for a few seconds and his hands fall behind my legs, holding my thighs in place -What... Are you doing?- I peck his lips one more time, almost stopping him from talking -You told me... Not to stop you- I whisper with his bottom lips between mines, not completely sucking on it yet but still bout to.

He blinks in disbelief and I feel his hands caressing my skin upward, trembling as they make way onto my back, reaching my waist soon after -What are you... Planning to do?- he talks with heavy breaths, the slippery sounds echoing between each words as his tongue moves around mine.

The sensation makes my knees tremble and my strength gives in, fully seating on his laps.

He turns his face away and bites his lip in pain, completely flushed up, panting... -This... Is torture- I feel him getting hard beneath me, my sudden weight on his aroused hard-on probably caused him to feel too much pleasure and overwhelmed him.

-I'm sorry...- he tries to recollect himself and rests his forehead on my shoulder -It's difficult to control myself if you... Squirm around so much- I gulp down and rise his face with both hands, locking lips again... Making a mess of one another, he looses his reason and tightens his grip on me... But I can see on his face that it's not enough, he wants more than some passionate make out.

-Ge...- -Shh- he shuts me up, his eyebrows frowned -Come here- he leans back against some heavy boxes and accommodates me on his lower abdomen, with one arm around my waist to keep me pressed against him -What are you doing?-

-Something to avoid hurting you- he closes my eyes with his free hand that quickly disappears -Keep them closed, please...- At first I don't understand what he means, so I just nod and keep savoring his lips...

But soon after I hear him unbuckling his belt and groaning in my mouth, I tense up... His muffled moans affecting me immediately, leaving me to yearn for some friction each time I feel him stroke himself.

-Lai'Er... Fu...c... I can't- he whimpers, I grab his shoulders and drag him even closer... More than possible, I press at his side with my legs and lean on him completely. He starts kissing my neck, which only aggravates my state and soon after I am moaning with him

-This will drive me crazy Lai'Er...- his breath on my arteries is dangerous and an electric shiver passes through my spine -Qin Luo... Ge, I'm...- -I'm close too- he finishes the sentence for me, I hold onto his shoulders and arch my back as the painful climax reaches me, convulsing in pleasure.

Feeling him tense up too I reflexively open my eyes and find him staring at me with an expression I never saw before, full of lust to the point it feels threatening.

He shoves his head behind and let's out a loud groan, his knitted eyebrows and the swollen lips adds to his desire-driven charm... I lean down and kiss his Adam's apple, which seems to be his snapping point as he finishes right after we make contact.

After a some time spent panting in silence, he lowers his head and hides it against my neck -Lai'Er...Go back to the tend, the sun is rising... I have to go get ready for the training, I'm afraid I might jump on you anytime if we keep being together alone- he whispers.

I reluctantly stand up and quickly leave, allowing him to take care of his heat a few more times before going back to the camp...

I don't want to spend the whole day alone inside the tend again, but I guess it can't be helped... I will inevitably have to continue my journey alone.