Chapter 5B: A Hand to Hold as the World Erodes

In the moment before we crossed onto the next street, I saw a pair of shadows slash the streetlights. I held Aeliana firmly with my hand and guided her silently to the edge of a building. With a quiet motion, I crouched beside my wagon and peered through the orange light to see two city security patrolmen. Though one of them looked suspiciously familiar, I could not run the risk of them finding Aeliana. I knew I was cursed to live in iterations of a vicious cycle like single loops in a spiral, but I resolved to resist the force which vowed to diverge us in the end. I would not let them find her; I would not let Aeliana suffer the same isolated end as Alyssa. So I halted my wagon and retreated into the shadows, silently pulling Aeliana with me into the nearest alley. We withdrew from the streetlights and the starlit streets. We concealed ourselves behind boxes in the space between two buildings. She looked around frantically, but I pressed my lips to her head. I drew my sword and waited with her in the silent shadows.

We waited in a silence so severe that every sound sent tremors through the shadows. Every heartbeat pierced the silence with a rumble, and I held my breath altogether so that I would not make a sound. I almost felt like I could will myself out of existence if I tried hard enough, but I was bound to reality by a primal urge that clawed at my mind like a creature in the night. Without making any sound, I unsheathed my sandy sword and steadied my hands as we waited in the darkness. A second sweat surfaced on my skin as I felt a hunger awaken in my barbaric soul. It wasn’t merely that I was prepared for the possibility that I would have to fight; a dark fragment inside me explicitly wanted to fight. I wanted to face the patrolmen and kill them in that dark alley. I wanted to stain the streets with their blood as a warning to anyone else who dared to take her from me. I wondered if this were perhaps a consequence of Aziel’s influence, but I lost the power to distinguish between his will and mine. Together we wanted nothing more than to strike down the patrolmen and shed their blood as a trail so that I could see my own footsteps on this shadowed path.

The men from city security glanced down the alley as they walked past, but they did not suspect any shady strangers took shelter in the silent shadows. We waited there for minutes even after they left, but that dark fragment in my head still wished they would turn back. I was so ready to kill them that I fantasized about a swift skirmish in that shadowed alley. I envisioned myself emerging from cover in the moment they crossed into the clearing; I imagined breaking their brittle bones with my bloodthirsty blade. I daydreamed a deathly dance of blood and swords that ended with me stealing the breath from their lungs. I could practically see the light fade from their dying eyes. Aeliana set a hand upon me and startled me out of this lurid trance, but then I saw the reality that this barbarism was one we both shared. As she clenched two daggers in her scarred hands, both stained with blood which dried long ago, I realized the recessive reality from which I once was blinded. While we were still twin flames set to dance in an endless spiral, the world itself was therefore set to burn around us; that is the consequence of fire itself – that is the reality of its true nature.

It was shortly afterward that we holstered our weapons and returned to our trek. Though she shouldered a portion of her weight on my body, I found myself amazed by her endurance. Bruises and scars stained her legs. I could practically see her tired muscles bulge from years of overuse. Her feet had walked for so long that she left the occasional drop of blood behind her as a trail, almost like the remnants of a footprint on the beach after rain. And like the rain, she continued to pour herself onward.

Before long, we found ourselves at the edge of a quiet city park not far from my house. A pair of young children excitedly played on the swings while the nearby playground glistened in the starlight. Two lovers sat beside each other on a nearby bench, occasionally glancing at their children from a short distance. But even from the back of their heads, I could tell that these two lovers had dedicated this time to each other. I caught a glimpse of her face, and she stared at him like he had somehow set the stars in the sky. They loved with a love I could sense from a distance, and in that moment, I envied their simplicity.

“I don’t think I’ve ever before seen something like this,” Aeliana said as she lifted her hand to her lips.

“It’s a structure for children with time to spend. I played here as a child for hours on end,” I said as the two kids cheered like old friends.

Though I meant to suppress the volume of my voice, it carried upon the breeze and caught the attention of the lovers on the bench. One turned to face me, and when he did, the streetlights revealed Donovan and his wife. He smiled and whispered some words to her, but he then stood upright and jogged in my direction. Aeliana braced herself as he approached; I caught a glimpse of light shining on the blade of her dagger, but I reassured her with my hand. She took two steps backward, but she holstered her weapon.

“Hey Asivario! Long time no see. It’s been hectic; I haven’t seen you in a while,” said the courier of the dark with a friendly smile.

“Our schedules keep us separate, and I tend to work best in the dark,” I said as an apology to the kind man in the park.

But Donovan simply chuckled and said, “Sometimes I wish I worked with you instead. Most of Bellaina’s clients these days are major players in the city. I don’t just mean big merchants or fishermen; I mean the tall guys who make the big decisions. It feels like I’m always one false move away from stepping out of line and getting killed. She’s got my back, but I miss the way things used to be.”

“I’m surprised you would say so much in front of someone you don’t know,” I said as I motioned to the girl beneath the starlit glow.

Donovan shook his head and confessed, “I can see with one glance the truth of your guest. You aren’t the only client of ours to venture into the sandy plains outside the city. I know that she came from the badlands, so I can’t say I’m afraid of her sharing what I said. But don’t you worry! I’ve got no plans to mention her to Bellaina or anyone else. If she is who I think she is, then I’m happy for you! Both of you.”

“For what reason would you be happy for me?”

“Because when we met, you were sad as can be. I hated seeing you like that! Just so you know, if you want to be all romantic, there’s a flower shop just south of the fish district. It’s beside that shop with the special tea. You know, I’ve told you about it before! They’ve got some unique plant in the basement, one that keeps you strong and healthy! Some skeptics say it’s a rumor at best, but I say they’re all wrong,” Donovan said, though his kind conversation had gone on too long.

“Thank you, but I don’t wish to keep you away from your family.”

Donovan glanced back over to his wife, and even in that moment, I could see a powerful magnetism draw him toward her. He smiled, nodded, and then jogged back to her. As I mentioned before, I coveted the simplicity of their love, and that envy is not one which would fade with time. Nevertheless, I had to hasten our own journey home so that we would not run the risk of patrolmen discovering that she was an outsider. I led her by the hand and scurried through the streetlights toward the humble house that I called home.

(Please note: There is still another part to this chapter)