Pain

When I finally woke up, I was in the back of the ambulance. My shirt was ripped off of me. I heard one of the emt sigh and shout she's back. Just trying to get her stabilized. Then my eyes went heavy again. When I came back to again. It was from a extremely painful pain in my pelvic area. I felt like my entire body was on fire. I couldn't help but scream. I was tied down to the bed. They upped my medication and I drifted right back to sleep. When I awoke this time. My body was so weak. I felt pain in every part of my body. My chest hurt so bad it hurt to breathe. I was silently tearing. My breathing was labored. The nurse looked at me and said welcome back to the living. She was cleaning up around me. There was a huge pink medical bucket (bedside basin) filled with this tissue like substance. It was very bloody looking. She also had a bed pan filled with it as well. I was given blood to help sustain me. They also have given me really strong medicine to help prevent infection and pain. It would also keep swelling down. Nothing was given by mouth. I was hooked up to my iv still so that's what they used. Terrified at the scene in front of me. I needed to see my kids. When I tried to speak. All I felt was a burning sensation in my throat but no sound came out. In a panic I tried to get the nurses attention. She smiled at me and instinctively knew I was looking for my kids. She let me know they are in my room waiting for me. I've been asleep for 3 full days. My eyes got really big and terror filled my body. I motioned my baby in my stomach. She shook her head. Then explained to me that my doctor should've paid more attention to me. The embryo had been dead for quite a while. Since the size of it was pretty big. Which meant I was pretty far along. The doctor was supposed to schedule a DnC for me. Instead of just giving me antibiotics that wouldn't have helped at all. The infection from the dead embryo almost costed me my life. The infection got so bad that it was in my blood stream and it reached my heart. I was very lucky they found me in time. Once he infection reached my heart. My heart began to fail. I was flown to the best hospital we had. Which was in downtown. As soon as I was taken back to my room. The nurse warned me not to get up. They had to remove a lot of tissues from me. I had those melt away stitches everywhere. So it's best not to let the kids jump all over me. She also let me know they've been giving my daughter breastmilk one of the milk maids been donating to the hospital. Now that I'm awake she's going to remove the feeding tube. She handed me a cup of water as soon as it was pulled. My throat was so dry I thought I was going to die. She told me not to try and talk for at least 20 minutes. Just keep taking small sips. She sat me up a little. Then showed me that they had brought a breast pump to my room. Though they preferred if I waited at least another day before using it. Naturally I did not listen. About 6 hours after eating. I was engorged and it hurt like crazy. My daughter was held up by Kc while she nursed beside me. I'm not going to lie. Once she started to nurse. I understood exactly why she said I should wait. I began to cry from the amount of pain I was in but let her empty both my breast. She fell asleep and kc wheeled in the hospital crib. It had been made of metal. The mat was pretty thick. She put all 3 kids in it. They cuddled together and went straight to bed. Kc pulled her reclining chair close to my bed but between the kids and I. She held my hand, lifted the leg. She leaned over to kiss me then passed out. Though I've been asleep this entire time. Breastfeeding took a lot out of me and I followed in suit. I got up to a loud alarm. I began to bleed out again. So right back in the operating room I went. Only this time. Even with medication. I could still feel everything. The pain was unbearable. The nurse scolded me and told me I really need to wait to nurse full on or pump. No more than 5 minutes at a time. I need to space it out as well. For every 5 minutes of nursing I need to wait 5 minutes. That way my body doesn't overexert and tear a stitch. Basically once I start feeling pain. I need to stop. Let my body rest. Then start again. I told her I understood. So they started bringing breastmilk in more often. To keep my baby satiated while I healed. She still nursed on me but not as much. After a few days of this. I started timing it when she nursed. I was able to make it up to 15 minutes before it began to hurt. So that's what I did. I began thinking myself. To see how long I could go. After a week I was able to do a full feeding on one side at a time. After 2 weeks. I was able to pump and feed. So while she nursed on one side I would pump the other. That way she still got her milk and because she always empties both sides. I could readily offer her a bottle. I had it down to a science.