Portia, why?

V A T I C

The beach hasn't been this peaceful before. My back is comfortably lying on top of the soft sand, my skin is being caressed by the warmth of the shining sun, and the ocean water gently pats my feet as the waves come and go. I could get used to this. This incomparable comfort just makes me involuntarily stay still and enjoy this solace. I feel I deserve this after all this time. After all the challenges, the concerns, and all the pain I've endured from the hands of the people who I hold dear and even from my own hands.

          "Vatic!" A familiar voice echoes from a close distance. She sounds slightly muffled by how the wind blows steadily but with an unusual force.

          I sit up and turn around to see who the beautiful voice came from. "Aela!" The smile I was confidently wearing on my face was reduced to a welcoming smile.

          Her hair dances about as the wind passes through it. Those reddish strands of hers definitely stand out even if she's just standing elegantly there next to… Straus. They're both smiling at me like I'm some kind of welcomed guest in their home, like they saw a puppy from the streets, or even just my existence gives them some kind of happiness. This feels weird. The way he wraps his arms around Aela's waist and how she places her arms around his shoulders scream that they're in love. I am happy for them. I really am. She finally found the love of her life and they will now be able to live their lives the way they wanted.

          "Hey there, you two!" I approach them, happily. The sand isn't as hot as I initially thought so there's no problem with me being barefoot.

          "Hi, Vatic!" Aela responds, matching my tone. Her smile is as beautiful as ever. I glance at Straus who is watching us as she hugs me tightly. "I really appreciate everything you've done for us –for me." She says, holding my hands tightly. I can never get enough of her soft hands.

          "Don't mention it. I'm happy to help." I say but I'm still expectant somehow. What am I even expecting?

          "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to find –she looks at her lover– Straus." As she looks back at me, I see her eyes starting to water from genuine joy.

          So, is that it? Since we finally saved Straus, she doesn't need me anymore? Is this heading to her bidding me farewell? A goodbye to me, to us, and what could've been? I've been denying this feeling for the longest time because what do I know of it? None. But, I can't kid myself any longer. It all started with a tiny whisper and now my heart is calling out her name. Aelanora, the woman who thought of me as a pirate and tried to kill me. Aelanora, is the woman who defies all my expectations and surpasses them all. Aelanora, the woman who I thought would become something more but for some reason, the Gods couldn't allow it.

          Tears fall slowly from my eyes. "I'm just happy you're happy. You're both happy. Finally, right?" I look at her then at Straus beaming his bright smile at me which has now become very familiar.

          "What's the matter, Vatic?" Aela's brows furrow, sensing something is quite off.

          "Everything's fine. It's just that," I start to explain involuntarily. "I now realized that we met each other a little too late. Don't you think?" My eyes widen in surprise. I shouldn't have said that. I should have kept it to myself. I should have forced myself to continue to be happy for them. But, I just can't.

          Aela's expression stiffens, contemplating what her next response would be. "Straus, can you leave us for a moment?" Straus nods and walks away like a diligent boy. I find it a little odd that he's just smiling at me all this time. She looks back at me blankly. "Let's walk."

          I let her lead the way. As I walk behind her, the wind carries her scent towards me. That sweet honey and earthy scent gives me immeasurable joy whenever I smell it. Because whenever I smell it, that means, she's nearby. I remember myself acting so foolish that every time she walked past me, I inhaled. In that way, I can appreciate her scent more and it will linger with me longer. But this time, it's the contrary. This talk feels like it'll be the last one. If I really want her to be with me, I should persuade her now.

          "Ael–"

          "Vat–"

          "You go on ahead." Aela gestures for me to say whatever it is I'm about to say.

          I nod. "I know he is the love of your life like you said. But, didn't you feel what I felt all this time that we're together?"

          She looks away and continues to walk. "I-I don't know what you mean, Vatic." Her voice quivers. "We're just f-friends."

          I follow her. "Right, friends." My tone rises unexpectedly. "Don't lie to me, Aela. I know you know what I mean!"

          She stopped in place but didn't look at me for a few heartbeats. The tension emanating between the two of us messes with my senses. I start to feel hot like the sun's rays are intensifying, every wind passing my face feels like a punch directly to my core, and the crashing of the waves amplifies that I can't hear anything else. My eyes are focused only on her and everything else is blurring. Finally, she slowly looks back at me, tears flowing like waterfalls on her soft cheeks to her chin. Her beauty is still beyond words even if she's crying.

          "I'm so sorry, Vatic." She says, wiping some tears from her cheek. "I'm sorry if I mislead you. That's my fault. Hate me if you will. I deserve it."

          "I can't hate you, Aela. You know that." I'm now crying with her.

          "You're too kind. That's why you deserve better."

          "Are you really that adamant on pushing me away? I just want to hear you say that you don't want me. I'll leave you alone with Straus if that's what the right thing to do. Just tell me you don't love me." I grab her arms, trying my best to not squeeze too tightly. "Say it!"

          "I loved you!" She cries out. There's a hint of hurt in her tone. I feel guilty. "F-From the moment I saw you lying peacefully on the ground that night, I loved you. That one moonlit night we danced holds a special place in my heart. But, you're right. We've met a little too late. My heart belongs to Straus and that won't change."

          "Loved me." I chuckle in disbelief. "That's great."

          "Vatic, I'm sor–"

          "No, I'm good!" I wipe off the tears from my face. "You finally said it. You loved me. But, Straus is the love of your life. I'll respect that."

          "Thank you." She sniffles and tries to look around. "I-I should better get going."

          "Yeah, Straus must be wondering where you are."

          "See you around?"

          "Hmm."

          I watch her walk away, run even back to Straus' arms. There's a sliver of hope that she'll look back to me but she didn't. If she did, I would've fought for her even more but she didn't. All I can do is continue to genuinely be happy for them. They're the ones who are destined to be with each other after all. But, I still couldn't shake off the idea of what could've been if we didn't save Straus, what if she let her feelings for me flourish, and especially, what if we're the ones who are really meant for each other?

          I find myself wandering aimlessly along the shores. As I push myself to enjoy this solitude, a faint silhouette of a boat registers in my line of sight from afar. What could that be? As I come closer, I see someone hauling boxes and boxes of whatever it is that are in there being dragged from the sands to the boat. Portia. That's right. After defeating Dalakethnon, we finally found the treasures. I don't really remember how but we actually did it. She will now be able to save her people from the pirates.

          "Portia! You need a hand?" I say as I approach her.

          "Oh, Vatic, sure!" Her sweat is dripping from her forehead to her temple. "I was wondering where all of you are." She chuckles.

          "Aela and Straus are in some kind of a honeymoon. At least, that's how it looks." I banter, trying to mask my true emotions.

          "Those two are really something else. As soon as Straus got back, we couldn't separate them from each other." Laughing, she places one box on top of another box.

          "Hmm."

          "Are you alright? You seem a little… occupied."

          "I'm fine. I just feel a little off. Maybe it's too much sun."

          "Now that you mention it, I feel the same way. Hauling these boxes eats up a lot of energy. Let's go somewhere shaded." She says, gesturing me to follow her. "Come on." 

          She leads our way to the boat's mast. The mainsail is enough shade against the hot rays of the sun. I didn't realize that it's almost noon now so the atmosphere is becoming increasingly hot. I didn't realize I was eyeing the coconuts lying around too long so Portia opened two of them so we could have something to drink. I didn't know she was that strong to open such tough stuff. Her days with the pirates may have some perks after all. I start to wonder what else she's capable of aside from being stronger than she actually lets on.

          "You love her, don't you?" She asks, looking at me intently. "You love Aela."

          I gag, spitting out some of the coconut juices. I contemplated if I'd lie to her but I decided otherwise. "I do. Is that really obvious?" Embarrassed, I scratch the skin at the back of my neck.

          "It is. It's just too bad her heart is already set to Straus." She pats my shoulder.

          "It's not that bad. I understand."

          "Sure you do."

          She's right though. Well, I do understand but I just can't keep my head around it. It could've been me. It could've been us. But as they say, if you truly love someone, you'll set them free. That's how it's supposed to go, right? Without realizing it, I paced to the edge of the boat to overlook the vast seas. Once Portia is done with her business here on the island, she'll set sail and go back to where her people are. I don't know how she'll do it but I believe she'll find a way to free the others who were captured by those pirates.

          As I am zoning out, I feel a pair of arms wrapping around me from behind. "I'm here for you, Vatic." The warmth from her hug sends me comfort.

          A strange yet familiar tension sparks from within me. Am I just focusing my energy on the wrong person? There's no denying that I feel something towards Portia since that day Mother met her. She's good to Mother and Mother is good to her as well. They go so well together. If I entertain this feeling for her, it could become even greater than what I have towards Aela. I sure hope so. But before I can turn around and face her, my body is keeping me from doing it and her hug feels like it's getting tighter by the second.

          "I'm here for you, Vatic." Her tone sounds more vivid. I can sense panic, fear, and anger culminating in her voice.

          I blink then I'm back to the dungeon. Hurting, confused, and lacking of energy. Crouching to the ground as I see Aela in a state of panic right in front of me but she's not looking at me. She's looking over me. I can still feel an arm wrapping around my shoulder. Portia is behind me, careening my weakened body against hers. Then, I see her gripping one of my daggers and aiming straight at my neck. What is happening? Is she under some spell that Dalakethnon did before I finally defeat him? I couldn't think straight with all this injury.

          "Portia, what do you think you're doing?" I thought I saw Aela smirking but she's actually frantic. Masid is growling right next to her.

          "The treasure will be all mine!" She sounds deep into some dark trance. "Mine I tell you!"

          Portia arches her arm, aiming for the dagger to hit my neck. Is she really trying to kill me? But, why? Then it hit. I can clearly feel the blade make contact against my skin and slowly yet steadily dig deeper. I watch my life flash before my eyes. This couldn't be how I'll leave this earth. I couldn't believe I almost fell for her when she was this broken in the head. This isn't supposed to be how I'll die. I may have survived Dalakethnon's wrath but if nothing's done, I'll die in the hands of a former slave. I feel my blood gushing out.

          "P-Portia, why?" I ask, still trying to find my consciousness.

          Before she can even reply, I hear her catching her breath, her grip over me loosens, and finally, I hear her dropping heavily backward. Her body weight leaving mine sends my weight fall forward. I tried my best to look back and what I witness makes my insides churn. Like what my nightmares show me, Portia's eyes are red and blood is pouring out of them. On top of that, I can see her struggling to breathe as blood is starting to pool from her throat to her mouth. She squirms like a worm being sprinkled with salt.

          "Portia."