Will to Kill

For a moment, a wave of rage blinded me to reason or logic. In that instant, I could have cheerfully drowned him in a watery coffin or buried him in an earthy tomb and all I would have felt would have been satisfaction.

Before I could act on any of my impulses, I immediately reigned in my bloodlust and kept my face impassive, pretending that I hadn't been consumed by a desire to murder someone just for a passing remark. Fortunately, the same foolish look was present on the fangirl's face, which likely indicated that none of my emotions had shown outwardly. 

With feigned disinterest, I asked, "I just took a step forward because I wasn't in the right state of mind. Is it really that bad? A Lesser Wood Spirit isn't a god - it's just a mortal just like you and me."

The other student stepped in to mediate the argument. "Yeah, all of us weren't really thinking right after walking for more than half a day. Although a Lesser Wood Spirit has potential to become a Greater Life Herald, or maybe even one of the famed Apostles of Life, it isn't that important…."

Hearing those words, the other guy gave up on the argument, muttering something about how we didn't understand how amazing trees were. Personally, I was relieved that the argument had been resolved. I was worried that I would have killed someone if he had continued arguing with me.

However, I was more concerned regarding my state of mind than I was relieved at the circumstances. When did I become someone ready to murder for naught but a light insult? I never recalled having a sense of pride… not that an injured pride was any excuse for wanton slaughter. 

I had killed before and was somewhat numb to death, but that did not mean that I should be willing, much less raring, to kill a human with my own hands. Especially if said human likely had no ill intent toward me. Something was seriously not right with me….

Even disregarding the gray area that encompassed reality, I was currently faced with a dire issue. In the first and second illusions, I had a relatively firm grasp on the fact that nothing I was experiencing was real. The third one threw me for a loop, but as soon as I noticed I was starting to believe in what I saw and felt, I quickly corrected the problem.

Ever since I had entered the fourth illusion, the endless problems that threw themselves in my way left me disoriented and somewhat vulnerable to influence, but the brief time I had to clear my mind while I was standing guard had done wonders for my state of mind.

Now, a mere day later, here I was… getting worked up over a perceived insult. It was getting easier and easier to forget the unreal nature of the worlds I 'lived' in… the world outside that awaited once I left this false reality. Was it because I had spent too long without contact with the outside world or was something else at work?