I Really Don’t Know

As my mind reeled from the nonstop train of unexpected revelations, a knock at the door sounded through the quiet room.

"Lord Phillip, Duke Lawrenson is calling for you."

"All right..."

Even that short exchange was enough to make me feel relieved.

"I apologize, but could you wait here a little? All you need to do is remain in my room. You can do whatever else you wish."

"I understand."

After I said that, Lord Phillip's eyes softened. Though he looked reluctant to do so, he left the room. I was the only one remaining in the spacious room, so I decided to look around. Lord Phillip didn't have a lot of things, and the interior design was quite simple. It was a room that accurately reflected the kind of person he was. As I walked around and stared at the high-quality, fashionable furniture and decorations, I eventually reached a large bookcase.

Thick books that I could never hope to understand lined the shelves. Even reading their titles made my head hurt. I scanned the bookshelf in search of something that I could read and then saw something strange in the corner of the bottom shelf.

There was a strange cloth covering a part of it, and only a part of it. Clearly, Lord Phillip was hiding something. At least, that was what my feminine intuition was telling me. Perhaps there was a book that Lord Phillip didn't want anyone discovering? He was a man, after all, so the chances of that seemed rather high.

Since I couldn't predict what he would do, I needed to find a weakness to use against him, just in case. He'd said I could do whatever I wanted, so without a hint of reservation and with my heart pounding in my chest, I carefully removed the cloth. What I saw took the words from my mind.

Underneath the cloth, several books on love were lined up on the shelf. I could see titles like Ten Ways to Become Loved; Surefire Strategies for Love: New Edition; Hypnosis for Dummies; and Bad at Socializing? Not Anymore! All of them looked battered and well-read, and there were even tabs sticking out from the sides.

I'd expected to see something I shouldn't look at or talk about, but this was beyond my imagination. I quietly placed the cloth back over the books. None of the books were ones I thought he'd ever read, but wasn't there one in particular that was kind of strange? There was an indescribable feeling in my chest as I sat back down on the sofa. The moment my behind touched the cushion, the door swung open again as Lord Phillip returned.

"Sorry for leaving you alone for so long. It should be fine now."

"R-Right."

He sat down next to me as if it were natural and personally refilled my lukewarm tea with more from the teapot. I stared at his beautifully sculpted face and started to realize that I'd never understood a single thing about him, even though we'd been engaged for eighteen years.

I'd thought of my fiancé as a perfect being, one far out of my reach. But at the thought of him flipping through those books with a studious expression on his face, I couldn't stop my lips from twisting upward. Lord Phillip noticed and, after blinking in confusion, smiled happily for some reason.

"Adorable," he said.

The Lord Phillip, saying that to me? This was the first time he ever said something like that to me, and I couldn't believe my ears. Every birthday, when I would dress up in elegant dresses and receive compliments about how much I looked like a princess, his only response was to stare at me for a little while and remain silent.

Just where did this come from? The word made me feel warm inside, but I couldn't let my guard down.

"Do you have any plans for next weekend?" Lord Phillip asked.

"N-No, I don't..."

"I'm glad to hear that. Would you care to go out with me?"

"Huh?"

"I'll pick you up from House Westley the day of."

In the end, I never figured out just why he was lying. In fact, the mystery only deepened. Not only that, but I also ended up agreeing to meet him yet again. I was at a complete and utter loss, and I went home with my head down at the sad state of it all.

***

It was the weekend. Lord Phillip had come to pick me up from my house, and we sat in a carriage together as it rumbled down the path. I asked him where we were going, and his expression grew serious.

"I read that retracing your actions can help recover your memories."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. So, I thought we could go to a river that we visited together previously to help you retrieve your memories, Viola."

"A river...?"

Lord Phillip and I had never gone to a river before. In fact, I had never even seen a river up close. As expected, he was starting the day off with his usual bizarre lies. I could never let my guard down around him. But I wondered why Lord Phillip chose to visit a river today. If we had to go look at a body of water, I'd much prefer a lake.

Now that I thought about it, it was rare for us to go on outings together. Before, we would both attend social gatherings at most. The only time we went out privately together was to watch an opera at Duke Lawrenson's suggestion.

"A-Are we really going to the river?"

"Yes. We're going to go fishing."

"F-Fishing."

Just what was Lord Phillip thinking? Why did he decide to take me fishing? No matter how many times those questions ran through my head, I was unable to come up with an answer. The only thing I knew for certain was that Lord Phillip had no intention of helping me reclaim my memories.

The carriage mercilessly continued its journey to the nearby river. My maids would surely cry if they knew where we were headed today. When I informed them of my outing with Lord Phillip, they'd said, "Oh my, a date? I'm sure Lord Phillip will take you somewhere fancy and sophisticated," and did their best to dress me up.

And so it was time for the curtains to rise on this ludicrous day, in which we would use an impossible method to awaken memories that had never been lost.