48- Golden Closet

Han stares at the man who sleeps silently on the bed. He brushes off strains of hair that cover the forehead, revealing a pure face that is stamped by bruises; mostly on the cheek. Not to mention the crack under the lips.

Lucky for Kim, there is no internal injury. No concussion, nothing. Only some bruises on his face. Several injuries on ribs and abs.

He is indeed lucky to survive those blows.

A small movement makes Han startled. He quickly reaches closer to Kim. The man opens his eyes slowly.

And the first thing that he sees is Han.

"Senior Kim..."

"Han?" Kim slowly wakes up from the bed, but his body feels sore and sting.

"Don't get up. Your injuries, they are quite severe," Han slowly lays Kim on the bed again. The man winces a lot, the pain somehow is unbearable to him.

Han softly carresses Kim's head. The man looks at him, eyes blinking in disbelief.

"I was gonna deliver snack to you. I try to call but it went straight into the voicemail. I felt uneasy, that's why I went upstair. And found you in this state," Han explains to Kim while pouring some water into the cup. He brings the cup closer to Kim's lip.

"Sips a bit, senior. You can't drink a lot for now. This is just to quench your thirst,"

"Thanks..." Kim slowly sips the water and relax. His eyes are still linger at Han. His mind wander around a bit.

"What time is it right now?"

"It's past midnight, senior..."

"What?! You should go home by now, ai kwaii! Why are you still here?!"

"Somebody has to take care of you..." Han fixes the blanket and tuck it properly. "Why, you want me to call your house and tell 'em?"

"Don't!"

Kim's vigor reaction makes Han devastated.

"Senior..."

Kim turns his head and face Han.

"Whose girl did you knock up this time? The doctor said, these traumas are from severe punches and kicks. You got beaten because of a girl, right?"Han glances at Kim. His face turns serious and tense.

Kim fidgets. His fingers rub against each other, nails scratching nails, releases a nick nack sound that annoys the air.

"I don't know what to do with you anymore. You never gonna stop, don't you?" Han asks. His voice rattles inside.

Instead of giving a response to Han, Kim shuts himself. He keeps his head down, ignoring Han's deep gaze.

"I think I don't love you enough for you to stop messing up with girls. I think I am not enough for you, isn't it, senior? That's why, you'll keep chasing those bitches and put yourself in trouble," tears slowly flow down to Han's cheek.

"Han..."

"I know it's crazy to love a man. But, at least you're not a fool that can't decide who's gonna be by your side! Why are you put yourself in danger when you can stay safe with me by your side, Senior Kim? Tell me, which part is wrong for you to love me?! Because I am a man?"

"Because you're a man, that fact alone is hard enough for me to digest, Han! I never love a man before. And, I don't even know myself anymore ever since the one-night stand! Sometimes, I feel, this is right. But, then, I feel this is wrong," Kim's voice stuck on his throat when he sobs hard.

"I'm scare of this new feeling. I'm scare to learn, after all this year, I am not what I am. I slept around like a dog, in hopes that maybe the confusion is just momentarily. But... I can't... I can't..."

Han quickly pulls Kim into a deep embrace, letting the man cries his eyes out. The feeling is familiar for me. He had been in the same shoes like Kim. This is how he first react when he found out that he likes men, instead of women.

It brought him back to when he was just a 15 year old normal boy.

***

"Hah? You two broke up?"

The girl nodded in tears. Her friend tried to console her, but the more the girl try, the wailing was getting louder.

"I thought he likes me. When I proposed a kiss, he didn't hesitate. But..."

"But?"

"He later said, he couldn't do it. He did pecked me but he said he felt nothing," the girl whined. "Am I that ugly to him, until he felt nothing? Am I that hideous?!"

Her friend took a deep breath and tried her best to calm her down.

Han gritted his teeth behind the wall. The chaos in the canteen was a good placebo effect for him. As the girls were gathering together to calm his ex girlfriend, he tried his best to hide among the crowd.

As he ran into the toilet, he turned the water tap and splashed his face vigorously.

What did I do? It's just a kiss. It's normal for boys and girls to kiss. Why can't I do it? Why?!

Han scolded himself while staring at his reflection in the mirror.

Is that because...?

"Han..."

He turned around, body jerks like he got electrocuted. Once he saw the one who called his name, he quickly fleet out.

But, he wasn't quick enough. The man grabbed his hand and pulled him closer.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you. I... We have class to attend..."

"What class? The school time is over,"

Han cursed under his breath. He forgot the most crucial part. He left his watch at home, so he couldn't keep a track of time.

"We need to talk about last Saturday..."

"We both drunk, Daou..."

"That's not it. I'm not drunk enough to dismiss the idea of you kissing me."

Han flustered. Right now, all he wished for was a hole under his feet so he could hide from the world.

"It's... An accident! I never meant to kiss you. You're a man, I'm a man. You're my bestfriend-"

His words stuck in throat when Daou pulled his head and plant a deep kiss onto his lips. Han remained stoic, unable to react properly.

But there is one thing that he would sure about.

Kissing Daou gave him a sensation that he never felt before. Especially around his ex girlfriend. He felt like he was rebirth, like he wasn't himself anymore.

Daou slowly pulled away from him and wipe Han's lips softly. Han was still in shock, maybe, his body was trying to process everything.

"Did you feel anything now, friend?"

Daou's inquiry felt like a slap on his face. Daou stared at him with a concern expression.

"Daou..."

***

"He's doing fine now. The doctor said, he will get discharge by tomorrow. But, he can't attend classes in the meantime," Han lower down his voice as he was talking at the foyer of the hospital.

"Don't worry. I'll take notes for him..."

"Thank you, Senior Seth,"

"Han..."

"Yes?"

"Please take care of Kim. His family will be back soon. But, in a meantime, please take care of him, okay?"

Han stares at his shoes. He nods a bit, thought Seth might not able to see him. He makes a vow to himself.

"I will. Good night, Senior..."

The call ends.

Han stares at the hospital building with mixed feeling. Those bruises and cuts are not the element that Han worries about Kim. He's more concerned about Kim's emotion. He knew, it's not easy. For Kim. And for him.

Can I love you, Senior Kim? Can this love happen between us? I know it's hard for you.... Because it's hard for me as well...

Han wipes those tears that stain his cheek. He slowly enters the hospital, ready to take care of everything.

Although, he isn't sure how much he can take care of.