Reminiscing Insecurity

Before they knew it was time to handle their first Singularity. Fortunately their teamwork after that first session had progressed nicely. By the time they needed to face their first singularity, Emiya now had a working knowledge of Ria's spells, including cast time and cooled down, so they could flow together on the battlefield seamlessly. The hardest part was not knowing the native enemies. Skeletons and chimeras were one thing, but going back in time and fighting Period Wars required an understanding of world history that wasn't exactly taught in enough depth to provide a sound basis.

Nonetheless, Emiya's ruthlessness was invaluable. He seemed never to tire and had saved her from several injuries. Fighting beside him, Ria felt secure and safe, allowing her to focus on the enemy in front of her instead of worrying what hot-headed mess he would get into or had gotten himself into.

The hardest part was trying not to watch him. His body and movements were breathtaking as he harnessed such strength in combat that it made her wonder how he was able to temper it and be so gentle at home. When they finally resolved the singularity they were currently working on, they were greeted with much praise at HQ upon arriving home.

"You two did quite nicely for your first bonded pair. It looks like you are in synch, and you work well together. We obtained a lot of good data as a result."

"Thank you, Grande Master. We take our roles very seriously." My voice was neutral despite my anxiety at the real motive for this meeting.

"Is that so? Well, then I expect producing a child to be no obstacle for you, hopefully within the year."

Scowling at him, Ria's voice got tight. "I know what is expected of me, but I will not force myself to do something just for the sake of results. Every scientist knows forcing conception decreases odds."

"Humanity doesn't have the luxury of time, Ria." He stated before rising and excusing them.

"Damn that man," She whispered as soon as his office door closed, having hoped to come to this topic with Emiya more naturally.

With the air between them now awkward the two returned home in silence. Upon arrival, Ria went straight to her room and collapsed on the bed, closing her eyes. It was unfair to pressure her to have a child within the year when no one knew if it was even possible. As of yet, no child had been conceived between a Servant and a Master, so no one even knew if it was possible.

"They just assume I can do it because I carry the strongest magical potential and am the first to successfully Life Bond. Way to be a trendsetter, Ria." Her bitterness at herself dripped from her lips.

Having not even discussed it with Em other than to mention the expectation was there, she had also taken advantage of the fact she knew he wouldn't bring it up no matter what his thoughts were out of respect for her. "Bless him for that." She sighed.

"It's hard to know you are upset about something, but to also get the feeling intimacy isn't what you need right now."

Looking towards Em, who now leaned against the door, her eyes drank in the shape of his body hiding under the clothes he changed into, his hair glistening and damp from taking a shower. Feeling herself salivate, her heart immediately lurched in her chest at how incredibly sexy he looked.

"You are right; it wouldn't have, but seeing you now, I'm beginning to feel like I missed out on an opportunity."

"Guess you will never know." He pushed away from the wall and walked over to the bed to sit next to her, his eyes lovingly seeking hers with a mischievous glint to them. No sooner had he sat down than Ria dug her fingers in his hair as she leaned in to kiss him deeply. Slick, his scalp warm she couldn't resist moaning against his lips as his freshness and warmth filled her consciousness.

Responding in kind by pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her the two stayed like that for a while as they kissed, nibbled, and tugged on each other's lips until Ria eventually rested her head in the crook of his neck.

"We did have a good first run. Thank you for providing all that support so I could get my spells off quickly."

"Keeping you safe is everything to me." His hand finding hers to lace their fingers together.

Blushing, Ria kissed his shoulder before returning to nuzzling his neck. "Such a flirt. On a serious note, I'm trying to think what else we can do to improve our connection besides the obvious. Any ideas?"

"Well, trust takes time. We aren't just talking about truth versus lies trust. We are talking about trusting another person completely with your life and well-being and accepting that you may have to take your own life to save theirs. It's the kind of trust that allows you to completely control how you contribute and affect the other person's life. That won't be an easy thing for us. You've been hurt too many times very deeply."

He turned his head to kiss her forehead. "Don't rush it no matter what the Order wants. That will make it worse."

"Are you disappointed?"

His eyes go wide. "Why would I be disappointed?"

"Because I am such an emotional mess and can't just give you everything you deserve for how amazing you have been and continue to be towards me."

He held her at arm's length. "First of all, I don't deserve your body. It isn't something I am entitled to just because I am your Servant or am Bonded to you. Second of all, all I ever wanted was to be by your side and to love you, which I am now able to do, so I'm not sure what I should be disappointed about."

Ria smiled weakly. "You are amazing, Em. I wish you, and I could have known each other on a more intimate level sooner."

Placing his lips against the side of her head, he kissed her and then whispered, " Imagine how much more fun you would have been younger." He winked at her, and she punched him in the shoulder.

"There's that vixen I fell in love with."

She blushed and swiped at him even though she knew she would miss.

Humoring her, he made an exaggerated dodge before changing the subject. "Now that is off your chest, what do you want to eat? I can't have you wasting away on me."

"Hmmm," taking a moment to think, she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the kitchen, pulling out a recipe before holding it to him with a smile. "This one, please."

Smiling, he agreed as he began to wonder how long it took before she trusted Cú and let him get under her skin and their love became the only thing she saw? Could she love him like that? Would she ever trust him like that?

Trying not to think about it all through dinner, he found it still nagging him as he lay down next to her as she slept. Running his fingers in her hair, he warred with himself. Does she? Did I? Should I? Could I? How would I? What if I? Did he? It tore at his soul. Yet, even so, Em knew he would rather die than lose the ability to do even the little things she seemed to love every day.

Ria was his every waking breath, and he hoped that he became able to surpass what she felt for Cú one day. To completely overshadow the hold Cú still had on a portion of her heart so she would look at him should she ever see him again and there would be no love left for him.

For a second, Em lost himself and allowed his fingers to trail from the ends of her hair down the side of her breast to her stomach, causing a seductive moan to escape her lips. It was torture to hear but divine in its reassurance that his touch could produce such pleasure. His body began to beg him to go on, but he had made a promise to her that she would control the pace of this relationship.

Did he fear that she would never love him and would hold out hope that her "true love" would come? Every waking moment she did not touch me, kiss me, call his name, look his way, laugh, or exist in his space but then seeing her next to him in her bed curled against his chest as she slept, he knew that she was his already in body even if her mind resisted.

As a result, he would remain patiently impatient, slowly chipping away at her defenses and rebuilding her sense of safety, holding onto hope that he was granted enough time to make her his before another option reared its head.