CHAPTER 7

Sam and Bobby had their hands full dealing with two broken people. Being awakened night after night by nightmares. And Dean was usually the one doing the waking. The more he remembered, the more withdrawn he became. He didn't come out of his room much and when he did, he rarely spoke with anyone. When Y/N saw him, he refused to look her in the eyes. He stared at the floor. He was afraid that if he looked in her eyes they'd be full of accusation.

Y/N was beside herself with worry. It seemed she was coping better with this than Dean was and she didn't know how to help him. For a while she thought that if she stayed away from him, he might be able to deal with all the memories, but it was slowly becoming apparent that he wasn't dealing at all. She had to think of something and fast.

Bobby and Sam did their best to counsel Dean and Y/N. Listening to all the horrible things that burst from them when they were in their deepest, darkest places.

"I did horrible things to her, Sammy!", Dean sobbed. "I made her do horrible things!" Dean was pacing around his room with both hands balled into fists in his hair. "And what I did to you?! I don't deserve to live!", Dean wailed, throwing his fist through his bedroom door. He left a hole all the way through and his fist came out the other side.

"Dean?", a small voice called from the hallway. He yanked his fist out of the door and pulled it open. He yanked a bandana out of his pocket and wrapped it around his bloody knuckles. He stared down at her feet, his chest was heaving. "Dean, look at me", she whispered. His jaw muscles clenched as he ground his teeth. He slowly raised his head and looked at her. His eyes were red rimmed and his cheeks glistened with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N/N", Dean choked out. "So sorry". Y/N smiled as she reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. Dean closed his eyes, leaned his face into her hand, and placed a trembling hand over hers. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"You wanna hear something strange, Dean?", Y/N asked. Dean furrowed his brow as he stared into her eyes. "I think about what happened all the time. There isn't a minute in the day that I don't think about it". Dean wasn't sure what she was getting at. "But the strange thing is, when I think about or even dream about what happened, it's not your face I see, Dean! It's Crowley's!" Dean's eye got wide. "He's the one who did this to me, Dean! To both of us!"

"I wish I could see that too, Y/N/N", Dean whispered. "But when it's my hands... my body that did those things, It's hard to see anyone else but myself doing them." His heart told him she was right, but his head had a hard time believing it. Y/N huffed a frustrated sigh. Her expression turned serious before she spoke again.

"When you stop blaming yourself", she said. "You might see things differently." Tears rolled down Dean's cheeks as he looked down at the floor again. "When you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you'll see that we're not victims. We're survivors!" He looked up at her again and his mouth opened as if he was going to speak, but only a ragged breath came out. He couldn't believe that this was coming from a 16 year old girl! A girl that had more right to be a victim than anyone. More reason to HATE him than anyone. Yet she loved him unconditionally. Dean just stared down, shaking his head. "Crowley will pay for what he's done someday. But I'm not gonna pin my recovery on the hope that I get to kill the son of a bitch".

"Just when I think I have you figured out", Dean chuckled, wiping the tears away. "You surprise me all over again!" Y/N smiled like a toddler on Christmas morning. She ran at him, nearly knocking him down. Dean smiled down at her as she looked up at him.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me!", Y/N giggled. She squeezed him around the middle so tightly, that Dean huffed and panted, trying to breath.

"So I've noticed!", Dean wheezed out. "Ya gotta loosen your grip, Y/N/N! I can't breath!" She giggled and let go of his waist. She grabbed his hand instead and led him out into the hallway. "Where we going?", Dean asked bewildered. Y/N just smiled and continued to lead Dean down the hall. She pulled Dean into the living area and shoved him down on the couch in front of the TV.

"We're gonna veg out for a while", she said. She grabbed the bowl of popcorn that she had made earlier off of the coffee table and handed it to Dean. She walked over to the TV, grabbed a dvd and popped it into the dvd player. She sat down next to him on the couch and pushed a button on the remote. His favorite action movie, Die Hard, started to play on the screen. The smile that she never thought she'd see again flashed on Dean's face.

Sam crept down the hall and just watched Y/N and Dean eating popcorn and watching action movies just like old times. It was as if the pain of the last several months never happened. He knew that the pain wasn't gone, but he was glad that they had a reprieve from it for even just a little while.

"It's gonna be a tough road. For both of them", Bobby murmured from behind Sam. "But I think their gonna be OK". Sam turned and looked at Bobby who was leaning around him to view the pair on the couch. He smiled that 'old man' smile that everyone grew to love, turned, and walked to his room. Sam smiled at the old hunter's back and followed him down the hall to his own bedroom.

The only sounds that filled the bunker that night were the sounds of gun shots and shit exploding. Good times.

THE END