CHAPTER 2

"Emerald!" Carlos yelled my name from across the hall

I stood in front of the dresser in my bedroom with the hairbrush which I just picked up from the dressing table, scared. Wondering what it was this time.

He'd yell my name the slightest chance he got.

"Emerald!" He yelled again, this time louder than the first. I could hear him thudding angrily on the stairs climbing up to my room.

I moved slightly away from the dresser, dropping back the brush on the table, bracing myself for whatever it was this time around

"Emerald! Why the actual fuck didn't you reply me?" he roared the moment he entered my room. He banged my door shut and walked towards me menacingly.

I moved two steps backward, trying hard to hide my fear. Over time I have lectured myself on how not to show Carlos that I was scared of him. I won't give him that satisfaction.

He took two steps toward me "I called you and you refused to answer because…?"

"Carlos, can you calm down?" I said calmly, my voice not showing any pinch of emotion. "You know you don't have to shout when calling my name? I am not deaf. My hearing organs are perfectly fine."

"Your hearing organs are perfectly fine?" he asked with so much disgust. I always wonder what I ever did to this man that has made him disdain me so.

I nodded, staring at him.

"You are delusional." He sized me up and began for the door.

"Coming from someone whose name reeks of delusion" I muttered under my breath.

He stops abruptly, half turning to look at me. "What did you say?"

I kept quiet, looking past him at the door.

"Cat got your tongue? What did you say?"

I looked everywhere else but at him.

He looked at me with a smirk on his face "Just what I thought, spineless old hag" and began going out again

I looked at his retreating figure, sadness turning to anger and hatred, I calmly but a little bit loudly repeated "Coming from someone whose name reeks of delusion"

He rushed, almost flew to me, one hand under my neck, lifting me off the ground but I wasn't having it. I was too angry to just breathe and be lifted aggressively off the ground, I pushed him off me and yelled with all the pent-up anger and frustration in me "YOU ARE THE DELUSIONAL ONE"

He looked at me, dazed. That was my cue to go on. "You are the one – the deluded one – who thinks marriage is some form of favor for women, for me. You yell and hurt me at any chance you get. You do not even want children…" I wasn't stopping now, I was way past stopping. "If you weren't ready to be married, then why did you get married to me, Carlos? I am your wife, not some slave for goodness sake!"

Slowly coming out of the shock," You are my slave" the certainty and authority always present in his voice was not there.

"I am not, Carlos. All I ever did to you was love you." I was trying hard to stop my tears from giving me away. "Whatever did I do that makes you hate me so? All I wanted when I said I do to you was to love you and be loved. What happened? What changed Carlos?" I was crying now.

'You changed" the smirk returning to his face

I was almost dumb with surprise and disbelief "I changed?" my voice barely above a whisper

"Hmmhmmm…" He nodded, obviously enjoying my disbelief

Clearing my throat, I attempted to sound stronger. "How did I change Carlos?" my voice still barely above a whisper, betraying me.

"Figure that out yourself;" he simply said and walked out the door.

I sat with a thud on the bed, wondering exactly how I changed. I have always tried to do right by this man when all he repaid me with was emotional and physical abuse. I still have the scar from the bruise he had inflicted on me.

I and Carlos were childhood friends. His parents are Mexicans and had just moved to my neighborhood in San Francisco. I don't know how his mom and my mom became friends but his mom brought him, his younger brother, and his pa" (that was Carlos' name for his dad) over for dinner one day, and while we sat outside waiting on the adults to be done with their adult conversations, we got talking.

I later knew he was in my school but two classes ahead while his brother Diego was in my class. I and Diego never got past "Hi" whenever we saw each other but I and Carlos became friends. I always thought he was funny and he made me laugh.

Carlos was the opposite of his younger brother, Diego who was always too serious. Sometimes, when I looked at him while in class back then he always seemed angry. With Diego, it looked like he was angry at everything and that everything bored the living daylight out of him.

We began going to school together, this was 10 years ago, I was 12 and he was 15. We began dating when I turned 15 and in high school. We were so much in love that we got married immediately I was done with high school against my parents' wish with Carlos in college. Diego had moved back to Mexico for whatever the reason he had.

The plan was to get married to the man of my dreams and go to college. But Carlos kept saying there was no money and I dutifully believed him.

I did painting to help him through his college because he promised I would go when he was done and working.

For two years, I worked my ass out, drawing and going to every exhibition show in New Orleans and it didn't even help that Carlos moved us from San Francisco. He told me it was to breed independence and I believed him. I was so in love and naïve that I believed all the rubbish he told me.

The peace in my marriage to Carlos only lasted for 2 years and that was when he was in college, the moment he was done and gotten on his feet, he changed. I tried making excuses for him but then it became clear that he was out there to really frustrate me and try as much as I can, I can't seem to force out the reason for the maltreatment from him.

I was scared of telling my parents, especially my dad. He had been really disappointed when I told him of my plans to get married after high school. My mom had tried talking me out of it, making me change my mind.

I didn't want them to feel more disappointed than they already were and somehow, I was trying to hide who I truly got married to from my parents.

I went down to meet Carlos, wanting closure. He was on the lawn smoking a stick of cigarette, bent over a magazine of some sort. He didn't even so much as raise his head when I came through the front sliding glass. I tapped him on his shoulders "Can you at least tell me how I changed?"

"Go away" he simply said without looking up at me

"How exactly did I change, Carlos?" I tried again. This time tapping his shoulders a little bit harder than the first

He raised his head, signaled me to bend my face closer to his, he took one drag of the cigarette and exhaled the smoke squarely on my face, and began to chuckle

I ran wild with anger, I reached out, grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and flung it away.

He grabbed me by my hair inside, hands on my throat but I was done. I was done with this marriage, this man and everything that is connected to him. I was ready to get the fuck out of this house, this city, to a far far away place with whatever is left of my dignity.

I twisted my body so fast I was out of his grip in a flash, I ran upstairs hoping to get to my room before he did but he charged at me, pulling the rug on the staircase from underneath me hoping I would fall. All my mind was on alert, I grabbed the railings, sliding one leg over it, I slid down, my leg aiming for his face. He fell over the stairs. I came down, one knee bent, rammed it into his stomach, he groaned, reaching for my legs, I rammed the bent knees again on his head and ran out the door, with nothing to my name.