Not too happy to be here

I went back to my palace, completely devastated and heartbroken. I went straight to my room and I didn't talk to anyone. I just locked my door and i tried to process what had happened.... 

 "Margaret... Everything alright?" 

I stayed silent for a moment, as I tried to hold my tears. I didn't know how to answer that question right now. Everything was absolutely not all right. But what could I tell my dad?.... 

I realized I could not keep hiding. I needed to open the door and face my dad. I wiped my tears quickly and I stood up. I slowly walked towards the door and I opened it.... 

I was doing my best to smile at my dad. I didn't want to worry him if i could help it. But it was clear he was worried about me. I could see it on his face. He was paying attention to me and he could see I was hurting. He was as gentle as my real dad... Gosh i miss my parents. 

My dad smiled at me and asked if everything was alright, but he could still see my sadness. He asked if I was sick, but I told him no. I couldn't tell him what I had just experienced today. How could I? How could I explain to him that I was responsible for Robert's death... 

I realized that my dad didn't know who Robert was. He probably thought he was just some peasant. It was better that way, at least I didn't have to tell him the truth. And maybe if I kept it all to myself, no one else would find out about this horrific event..... 

"My dear daughter, Queen Elizabeth is going to hold a ball tomorrow night, are you going to go represent our Kingdom?" 

I knew the King was trying to keep this conversation away from what had happened, but I couldn't help but feel relieved that he didn't press me for details. I had no idea that Queen Elizabeth was going to hold a ball tomorrow night, but I was glad my dad was giving me the option to attend. I was not sure if I wanted to go to the ball, but maybe it would be better if I did.... Maybe I needed a little distraction..... 

But then I remembered that Prince Alexander would also be at the ball tomorrow night, so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go anymore. I needed a break from that boy. I had gotten attached to him and I was still mourning his twin brother. The last thing I wanted to do right now was to see Alexander at the ball with that woman.... 

The King saw my expression and he noticed that I wasn't quite keen on the idea of the ball. But he tried to be gentle and encourage me to go. He told me that it would be good for me to be amongst the nobility and see different things. And he was probably right. Maybe a little time away from the palace would be good for my head, even if Alexander was there. It would be a good distraction from everything that had happened... 

I smiled at him and I told him I would think about it. I couldn't really think about anything other than Robert right now. The ball was the last thing on my mind. But somehow I knew my dad was right. I didn't want to keep staying in my room. It was not healthy either, both mentally and physically. I could really use a good distraction right now.... 

So I decided that i would go to the ball. It would be nice to get out and to be around other people for a change. Maybe I would even try dancing with a few noble boys... I just had to keep myself busy and my mind occupied with new things. Maybe the ball wouldn't be so bad after all..... 

The next day, the maids wanted to dress me up for the ball. They were really enthusiastic about it and they were trying to make me look really beautiful. But I wasn't feeling it. I was still grieving over Robert's death and I just didn't feel like being pampered. I had so much on my mind and I wasn't really interested in looking my best.... 

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew that Margaret was a beautiful woman with and without makeup. I couldn't help but notice my sad expression. My eyes were red and swollen from all the crying I had done and my hair was a mess. I looked like a complete mess and this was the furthest thing from beauty... 

It was evening when I arrived at the neighborhood watch. I was dressed in a simple dress, not very fancy but it still looked nice. I was in disguise and I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible so that no one would recognize me. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself at all, especially after everything that had happened. I just wanted to remain as invisible as possible and keep a low profile here..... 

I was sitting alone at my table when I noticed that a few princesses from the neighboring kingdoms were approaching me. They were dressed beautifully and they were smiling and laughing lightly. I had no idea what they wanted from me or what they were going to talk to me about, but my anxiety was starting to grow... 

 "Good evening princess Margaret, it's an honor" 

I looked up from my table when I saw Princess Emma and Princess Anne approaching me. I had a feeling that they recognized me, but I still had my disguise on so I couldn't be sure. I tried not to express any emotion when they said that it was an honor to see me. I still felt so sad after everything that had happened, but somehow I still knew that I had to keep a stiff upper lip and show the same kind of confidence that Margaret had....