Why am I like this?

I went home feeling confident that everything would work out. The king would let the princess go after her father signed the contract. There wouldn't be a war, this was only a temporary measure to keep the peace between the two kingdoms. Everything would be fine, I just needed to trust in the king to do the right thing... 

I couldn't trust the king, I was aware of that. He had used me in the past before, we had had a history. I knew that the king would keep the princess if he could. I still felt uneasy, what if the king broke his promise? What if the king went back on his word and he didn't let her go? I couldn't even consider this possibility... 

The king was only 2 to 3 years older than the princess and me, he was young for a man of his position. He had been king for a quite a while now and he was experienced in making political decisions, but I couldn't trust him. He had a history of manipulating people and I was aware of that... 

The thought of the king marrying the princess crossed my mind. This would ensure that the kingdoms will unite, their children would be royal children and they would rule together. The king was a schemer, I was sure that he had thought about it. I felt uneasy about him marrying the princess but there was nothing I could do about it... 

My heart was breaking at the thought of the king marrying the girl I loved. It broke my heart to think of her in the arms of someone else, especially the king. And the worst part was that I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I was just a knight, I was only meant to execute the king's orders... 

The king was a handsome man, with his charisma and looks he was sure to be attractive to everyone. Everyone was over the heels for the king, he was the one who was being courted and had women begging to marry him. I was only an lowly knight, nothing more than a warrior. I had scars and scars all over my body, I was no competition for the king even though the princess had a connection with me. The king could easily have taken her and made her fall in love with him... 

Maybe it was better if the princess married the king, then the kingdoms would truly unite. It was a hard pill to swallow and I felt a sense of defeatism. I felt like all this time I had spent protecting the princess and trying for peace between the kingdoms would all go to waste. The king was a charismatic man and he could have easily swept the princess off her feet. It was painful but I had to accept this truth... 

It didn't make sense for the princess to be with me, we were worlds apart. I was a knight who had to work hard to earn money, while the princess lived in luxury and could do whatever she wanted. The king was powerful and handsome, he could give her the world while I could only give her my heart. The king was a better match for the princess, she should have never met me to begin with... 

I walked towards my parents house, I was still feeling depressed. I had felt hope and joy when I had rescued the princess, but the feeling of despair had come right back. It was my fault for falling in love with someone of such high status, of course this couldn't have worked out... 

My parents looked at me curiously, I hadn't been home for so long and the last time they had seen me was when I had left the house to find a job. They didn't realize what had happened to me these last few days and I couldn't tell them either. I just threw the bag of gold at them, the gold had come from the king and it was reward for taking the princess. My eyes started to tear up, I was sad and I didn't want them to see it... 

I left the house without saying a single word, my parents wouldn't understand anyways. My emotions were a mess, I was feeling everything at that moment. I felt sad, depressed, exhausted and I felt like a failure. It was too much and I just... 

I walked for a while without really even knowing where I was going. I was deep in my thoughts and I couldn't even remember how long I had been walking. My feelings of sadness and frustration had turned into anger and I wasn't feeling like myself at all. I felt like a mess... 

I was walking towards my house and...

I heard a sneeze, the sneeze coming from a bush next to me. The sneeze was light and subtle, it seemed as if the person behind it was trying to not be noticed. I went over to the bush and I crouched down, trying to see what was hidden... 

It was the princess, she seemed to have been crying. I took her in my arms and she buried her head in my chest. I put my hand on her back, trying to calm her down. I couldn't believe that this was happening, the princess in my arms, her tears soaking into my shirt...I don't even ask her how she got here from the palace. She would somehow disappear, even from me. She had her ways... 

I hugged the princess tightly as she mumbled about Theodore forcing her father's hand. I knew that the king was a scheming man and I didn't doubt that he was capable of forcing the princess's father's hand. I hated thinking about her being forced to marry Theodore, this was not a fair situation at all... 

I held the princess's hand tightly and I started walking towards my house. I needed to keep her hidden from the king's guards, they were looking everywhere for the princess. I walked quickly and I knew I had to get her home fast. When we reached my house, I walked inside and I closed the door behind us. I locked the door and I turned to the princess, her eyes were red from the tears... 

I knew that her father and his army would come here to rescue the princess once they found out that the princess was missing. It was a tense and dangerous situation, we had to wait for her father to arrive. If the king found out that she was in my house, I didn't want to think about what would happen. If the army arrived we would be saved but it was important to keep the princess hidden in my house... 

I kissed the princess's forehead, trying to comfort her as best as I could. I was still feeling pain from my back wounds but I pushed past it, I wanted to make the princess feel safe. I knew she was afraid and confused right now, she had no idea what was going to happen next. We would have to wait for her father and his army to arrive, until then we would have to wait here secretly. I held the princess tightly, she was so soft and fragile... 

The princess fell asleep in my arms, feeling the warmth of her body was comforting. I held her closely, she was so soft and delicate. My heart was beating like crazy, I felt guilty for taking the princess but I couldn't deny that I wanted her to be safe with me. She was in my home now and all I could do was watch over her and protect her... 

I stayed awake through the night, holding the princess with my right hand and my sword with my left hand. I got no sleep, I couldn't risk to do that. If I lost focus for even a second the king's guards could take the princess and I couldn't risk that. I watched over her the entire night, it was exhausting but I have to be alert... 

I watched over the princess the entire night, every minute felt like an eternity. The king's guards were out searching for the princess, they still didn't know that she was in my house. I had to stay alert at all times, I couldn't let my guard down... 

I felt a sudden movement in my arms, I looked down and I noticed that the princess was starting to wake up. Her eyes were opening, slightly and her face was full of sleepiness. I held her close to me, I couldn't let her go now... 

The princess noticed my tired eyes as she started to wake up fully. She looked at me with sympathy and she could see that I hadn't gotten any sleep. She caressed my cheek and I felt a sense of calm. Her touch was calming, I wanted to fall asleep...