Confessions (1)

I twirl in place in my room, arms outstretched.

I do it a few more times, until I get dizzy enough that flopping heavily into a chair feels more appealing.

I've been overflowing with energy and excitement for a while now. Since I'd told Viktor, since we'd shared such a sweet moment in the garden.

I clasp my hands to my chest, close my eyes, and smile.

He looked so cute when we parted ways after the opera.

Unfortunately, winter months are extra busy both for Viktor and for a Weideman, and so I've barely gotten glimpses of him for months now.

There were a few moments I heavily considered throwing a tantrum and declaring I'd die on the spot if I couldn't go see him...but I resisted.

And survived.

But - it's spring now. More importantly, Viktor's just returned today from a trip he'd taken for supplies. 

I can go see him today.

I can...

Maybe I can ask him to court properly...!!

The thought alone is enough to make my legs feel like jelly. My skin is buzzing with so much anticipation.

I finally can't wait a second longer, and jump to my feet and race to my wardrobe to select an outfit for today.

I rifle through the clothing and fabrics until I finally land on one dress in particular, one that had been sitting at the back for quite some time, patiently awaiting a chance to be worn.

This dress was chosen to impress Viktor with, but it hasn't gotten its debut yet. It's an exquisite, silky gown of the deepest, richest blue, embroidered with silver and white and green accents.

The design is sophisticated and elegant, the cut perfect to emphasize the color of the fabric. A silver necklace completes the look, one that makes it look as if a shimmering string of moonlight is floating about my neck, just below the collarbones.

I inspect the finished result in the mirror, grinning, satisfied, as I slide on my shoes.

I bound downstairs and into the main hall, only to be dragged into breakfast. Mother and Father are drinking coffee, as is the family tradition of our family.

The mornings always are spent sitting around and talking, and then everyone goes about their day. I tap my foot impatiently, sitting at the table while Anne and my parents talk, waiting for the announcement that we're done with breakfast.

I have somewhere I need to be.

Once Father finishes with the very unimportant noble family talking, I know this means the meal is over, and I am free. I toss my napkin on the table, leap to my feet, and scramble to leave the dining room as fast as possible.

I make it out into the front hall before anyone's even begun to speak, and rush outside. The wind is rushing through my hair, my skirt whirling around me in the breeze as I rush into town to see the only man who will ever be in my heart.

The sunlight warms my back as I stop in the shade of the sign over the front door of Viktor's office, my hand hovering as I stare at the doorknob.

Should I...knock...?

I realize that seems like a rather absurd thought when it's the front door of a clinic and I'm here to see the doctor. It's a business. You just...open the door and walk in. That's all.

But.

Nervously, I take a deep breath, and put my hand on the doorknob.

Before I can change my mind, I shove the door open, and stumble inside.

As always, he's hunched over a stack of papers on his desk, frowning at the words on the page as if they are enemies to be vanquished.

"H-hello, V-Viktor...!" I stammer.

I feel like an awkward teenager, trying to impress their crush. Which...I am not. I'm a woman in the body of a teenager trying to impress the man I love, whom I'm pretending only to have a crush on. Nothing at all the same.

He stands, adjusting his shirt a bit as he straightens and gazes at me. "Ah...Ophelia! A surprise! What brings you by today?"

I play with my hair. "I...ah...heard you just got back into town so-"

He cuts me off, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Have you injured yourself in any manner?"

My cheeks grow hot and I sputter. "I told you before! It's not normal for me to randomly get hurt!!"

Why! Does he look! So skeptical?!

It's rude!

My grumbles are thankfully unspoken as his features relax into a warm smile, and he comes over to me. "Come sit down."

"I...can just come and sit in your chair, right?" I venture.

His gaze is so warm. He is so...

He nods and goes over to the small cabinet where his medicines are. I notice an empty basket by the side of the table. I lean on the table as I watch him.

He looks well, dressed in a clean and pressed, if unremarkable, blue and brown shirt and pants. As is usual during his working hours, his hair is in disarray and needs to be tamed.

The medicinal scent that drifts off of him is faint and soothing. 

"Did you miss me?"

The question slips out as I observe him, a teasing jab to cover how truly earnest it was. He doesn't even seem to register the question as he nods, peering into the depths of a vial, his mind completely occupied with work.

I...

...wait...

He seems so focused he's unaware of what he's saying.

Or - the implications.

"Here you are. This syrup prevents colds." His gentle eyes focus on mine as he holds his hand out to me.

I stare at the tiny bottle in his hand, dumbfounded, and take it. I glance back up at his face and manage a weak smile. "Ah...you...you know I'm not ill, Viktor..."

He smiles softly at me. "Of course not, but it is easy to become ill in the spring. Now, drink, miss accident prone."

His words are lightly mocking, but there's such fondness in his tone it makes my heart race. I fumble a bit as I open the small bottle. The medicine tastes as nasty as always. 

"So. What is so exciting you had to come see me?"

I hesitate, because I wasn't really planning on doing this, so I try to deflect and buy more time. "I...was merely...I...I..." Sigh, and finally mumble, "... missed you."

This makes his face brighten in a way I have never seen before.

I swear he's...blushing...?

Viktor coughs quietly into his hand and looks away, adjusting his tie in a way that says he's absolutely flustered, before returning his gaze to my face.

"I am...I also missed you." He hesitates, considering his words, and then says, "Very much."

...s-so then...then...if he'd misheard me before and nodded without thinking, he definitely didn't this time.

I think stream might be rising from my head. I don't think I can handle this much embarrassment. I think I'm dying. I am on fire and my face is burning. I can't. I. This is too much.

I squeal. But quietly.

My hand shoots up to cover my mouth and nose so I can pretend it didn't happen.

"I'm also very pleased to see you well, of course. You do have a penchant for attracting trouble, and I had concerns...I...could not help myself. It was a great relief to learn that you had not fallen off a horse and injured yourself in my absence, as I half expected you might."

I puff out my cheeks and glare at him. "I've never! Fallen off a horse...!"

Well. Only that one time, but I refuse to acknowledge that as part of the record. That was Ophelia, not me. It doesn't count.

I move closer to him. My fingers slip over his wrist and tug him gently closer. My fingertips explore the angles of his face, my body molding into his as I pull him in.

My breath tickles his ear as I lean up to whisper, "... I really did miss you, Viktor..."

This time he doesn't answer me, but...when his arms wrap around my waist to draw me close, and I feel the firm pressure of his hands through the thin layers of silk and lace, my heart hammers faster.

I want to drown in this sensation and never surface, soaking up every inch of this moment.

Our first real hug.

No one is here to see us, just us together. No one can steal this moment and pervert it. I can linger in his arms, my head resting on his shoulder as we both just breathe and enjoy the quiet moment between us.

We stay that way a while, content just to exist, until his eyes flutter open and he gently runs his hand over my hair. "As...wonderful as this is, Ophelia, you really should get back to your family. It's improper for us to behave as we are."

My head lifts and I roll my eyes, groaning and letting my forehead thunk onto his chest. "It's not improper...!"

It is, in this world, between two unmarried people not even courting.

But..

Uweh. My dreams of our first kiss...!

I puff out my cheeks in frustration and look up at him with my best kicked puppy eyes. "What if we were d-" oop, "courting...?"

Viktor looks down at me in stunned silence, a look of astonishment on his face, before his cheeks redden and his eyes dart away.

I bite my lower lip and feel my own face beginning to burn in response. I hurry to speak. "A-after all...people who are...close, aren't usually punished for closeness like that."

A look of amusement flashes in his eyes before he fixes them on me. "Do you consider this behavior typical of those courting? My dear admirer... you are truly a romantic."

That ... doesn't sound like a compliment...!

The indignant protests on my tongue are stopped only by his lips, the chaste kiss rendering me speechless."I confess...I am...also a romantic." His gaze is intent as his eyes bore into mine, his voice low, intimate, with a teasing smile.