64. Easy like Sunday Morning

Why was I upset? I mean I should've been happy, nothing happened, and my conscience was clear, yet, I was the opposite of relieved, instead, I was fuming, and I felt embarrassed. 

"Uhm, I am not upset..", I mumbled, "Take me home Walter, it's already passed midnight, and you-", 

I was cut short by the warm breath that suddenly filled my personal space. His face was so close to mine that I instantly felt flustered, "Uhm, W-Walter...what are you doing?"

He pulled away and then turned on the AC, his actions were shortly followed by a long heavy sigh, "Fuck! This sucks!", his voice was filled with frustration and sadness. We sat in silence for some time, I knew something weighed heavy on his mind and I had a feeling I knew what it was, heavy sighs occasionally escaped his mouth as he lay on his seat faced up.

The silence in combination with the cold air from the AC turned the car into a frozen island and in an instant I felt underdressed, my coat was no longer effective, "Can you please turn it off? I am freezing...", I said as I rubbed my hands together hoping to generate some form of heat.

"If I turn it off, I might not be able to control what happens next", he sighed again, but gave in and switched it off, still with a heavy voice, he lamented, "This is hard. I want you and I know you want me, I have seen it; the way your body reacts in my hands, the blood rush and sparks, the way you smile. Personally, I have no problem with taking things further. My marriage is not a real one, so I am not obligated to remain loyal, but I know you, and I know you are upset right now. I also know you would've felt very guilty the following day, even gone as far as ending our friendship and I can't lose you. Our friendship is the only way I can stay in touch with you."

My lips were tied, and I was frozen in my position, not because of the cold temperature in the car, but because of what he was saying. Everything he was saying was exactly how I felt, I could feel all the anger and embarrassment fade away, I misunderstood his actions, he was not embarrassing me, but he was just trying to remain in control, for the both of us.

I sighed in response, "I am sorry."

I never saw him respond so fast, "Wait, what?", his tone was laced with disbelief,

With concern, I exclaimed, "What?!", I thought I had said something wrong, unaware of the mockery in his voice, it was only after a peal of soft laughter that I caught on, "Ha ha ha, don't be dramatic. Besides, my reaction was uncalled for, and so, I genuinely apologize and I am thankful for what you did.". He was right, his actions were right, should anything have happened, I probably would have hated myself the following day.

"So we good?", he asked calmly, 

"Yes, but it is really cold in here, at this rate, I might catch a cold, or worse, pneumonia", 

He chuckled and turned on the car engine, "Done, let me take you home, it's already so late."

The drive was no longer hostile, to be precise, the hostility in the car was replaced by a remorseful and sad air. Two people who wanted each other, but could not be, the universe sure had a dark and sadistic humor. He dropped me off, and I sadly watched through my window as his car disappeared into the night.

I took a nice shower, shed a few tears for my sorry situation, then took aspirin for my banging headache and called it a night, the end of a very daunting evening.

I was woken up by a text notification, once again, my dreams had Walter all over. I hated to admit it, but I always looked forward to seeing him in my dreams, at least, there, he was all mine. I looked at the alarm clock and it was already 9:00 am and I had a lot to do. I pushed a lot of my Saturday tasks to Sunday, I didn't even buy groceries, instead, I was too consumed by getting the perfect outfit for Walter's get-together, just thinking about the day ahead exhausted me. I unlocked my phone and saw his name pop up, a smile found its way to my face as I read his text,

"Hey friend, thank you for coming to my party, although you slept through it, still, is the effort that matters", I found the sarcasm amusing.

I replied with a similar tone, "Oh Mr. Sekulu, thank you so much for the invite, please allow me to apologize for my despicable behavior". 

After replying, I went for a quick shower and then made my way to the mall, I kept it simple, I wore my fancy black sweatpants, the matching hoodie, and white sneakers, and my hair was neatly tied in an afro bun, I must say, I looked cozy and naturally beautiful.

As much as I found the smell of freshly baked bread and the soft music that usually played at the food market therapeutic, hunger always found a way to spoil everything so I decided on a solo brunch at my favorite restaurant.

With a trolley full of bags, I made my way to my favorite place and I was greeted by a familiar friendly smiling face, Gloria, she stays in our apartment block. Without wasting time on pleasantries, she took my trolley for safeguard at the trolley parking and then ushered me to my seat. She quickly took my order, and within a few minutes, she was back with my coffee. Given that it was a Sunday, the place was not as packed as it normally would be on any other day and I loved it like that. I found it peaceful and relaxing, well, that was until I heard a screeching voice excitedly yelling my name from a distance and only one person exuded that child-like excitement. Yes, Angela.

"Thandie!!! You are here too!"