Mac VIII

Running away should have solved everything, but it didn't. Hiding away in my house didn't bring Nyx back. Was I running away from the way Nyx felt? Did I all along know how she felt and run away, afraid to face it? Have I just been running all this time?

I couldn't stop wondering how different everything could have been if I had done something different, if I had stayed closer to Nyx, if I had seen the signs... If only I had been better.

I turned around in the bed meant for two, unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking and wondering. This wasn't new but it was bearable when it was two instead of one under the sheets. I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling where tiny glow in the dark stars were stuck by me and Nyx. 

"It's so we never feel alone", she had said all smiles as she stuck them all crooked.

I had smiled at her, feeling my heart full with endless warmth. I understood the meaning more after she was gone, that there will always be people out there who care about me, always looking after and caring. But just like stars, I could never hope to touch them or let them in, always worried about being burnt.

My love had always looked through me like I could her, she had pulled me in a hug, "You will never be alone" and I let myself believe.

The hug, now all but a distant memory, and all that I was left with is a ghost that haunts me with her face.

"I loved you" I heard, I turned around to see my love looking at a framed picture on the nightstand, just us together as it had always been, her fingers lingering barely an inch away as if she was worried it would vanish If she touches it, a weird sentiment for a ghost.

She turned to look at me, a sad smile on her face, "but I wonder if you loved me the same?"

I wanted to protest, reach out, and tell her how I did and still do but she vanished before I could utter a word.

Just a ghost, a twisted memory I reminded myself.

I wanted to get out, not be surrounded by things that constantly reminded me of her, so I left.

Took a thick jacket and locked the doors. Just as I was about to decide where to go I hear a voice next to me.

"A little too late for a stroll." 

I did not shriek even if my love's ghost says otherwise.

"Merlin! didn't see you there!" I exclaim, trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

Merlin stared, "That's the point." 

Not expecting any more elaboration I ask,"Why are you here?"

He looks at me with that glare of his, I can see him complimenting what to say, he finally settles with, "Babysitting duty."

Nevermind, I think I prefer silence and glares. 

"Now that's just mean! at least call it stalking or something else" I sigh

I look at him and I don't notice a single sign that he's tired, just a hard glare and a perfect suit without wrinkles which should not be possible with the adventure we had today, though maybe this was a less tiring day in comparison, Arthur feels like he is something who is a handful.

"How much are you even paid to do this? Aren't you supposed to be Arthur's bodyguard? Why are you stalking me instead of I don't know....guarding him?"

"Not enough." he says and ignores the rest of my questions.

There was no way Merlin was about to let me leave alone and I wasn't planning on going back inside anytime soon so I look at him, this seems like the perfect time for an adventure.

I shift on the heels of my foot, gliding from one to another, leaning forward, "Do you know any fun places around here?" 

He pauses his glare for just a sec before it's back, "I am not from here"

"Oh? I am not originally from Riveton either, I actually moved fro-" I get cut off from rambling more as Merlin cuts in,

"I didn't grow up here." suddenly I realized, I had assumed he had grown up here because of the way he looked, his skin and eye colour was enough evidence of his heritage, he is Aldorian by blood. I wondered if his family had been displaced during the war or if he was a product of the love between two people from the opposite sides of the war like Zac is. I couldn't ask, fear of opening old wounds that never closed, not when the protests continue in Aldoria's borders. 

I glanced at him trying to understand why he would choose to be employed by Arthur, when the Woods company benefitted the most in the war. Was this just a job or something more?

"There is a lot to see then! Although I am originally from a different city nearby, I did grow up here, Let me show you the best spots!"

I dragged him through the places Nyx, Zac, Gwen and I frequented, I stayed away from the part of the city we four grew up in, Merlin had seen enough of that graveyard for a lifetime. I showed him the best views only known to us, the place with the best arcade games and a customizable drink machine we had begged Nyx to fix when we had found it abandoned.

I talked and walked and Merlin followed, never once asking for the trip to stop. I talked and laughed like I was hoping tomorrow wouldn't show up, that it would let me continue to delude myself into thinking that everything was fine, like how it was back when Zac wasn't doing something so stupidly brave, Gwen and I laughing with no care in the world, back when Nyx was still alive and everything was not broken.

The sun began to rise, we got the perfect view from where we sat just by the sea.

"It's a new day", Merlin said, and I stared at the sea hoping it would drown me alive,

"I wish it wasn't."