3. The Start of Our Dangerous Love Affair

Ethan

Ten years since we last saw each other. Ten years I suffered because of you. And in all that time, I vowed to never see you again. The universe is truly cruel to have brought you back into my life. How different I was back then. How incredibly stupid and pathetic I was.

Before I met you, I was just some quiet nerd who no one ever paid attention to. It was that day at the college film festival where we first laid eyes on each other.

Our booth was pretty dead, no one seemed interested in our film. Only a handful of teachers and students came, but only because they had to for the credit.

Hector, Steve and I were trying to get people to watch our film. But to no avail.

"Hello, come watch our film," said Steve as he passed out flyers.

"I don't think anyone wants to see it." I said, the boredom clearly written on my face.

"Well, maybe if someone did a good job with the publicity, we may have had a crowd." Steve said, trying to blame Hector on the poor turnout.

"Hey I handed those flyers and finished the editing for the trailer." Hector retorted. "But no amount of editing or Ethan's writing could save your movie."

"We all tried." I said. "But your idea kinda sucked. We should've gone with zombies or vampires"

"That's been done way too many times." Steve said.

Hector and I point over to three booths whose movies are either zombie or vampire movies and they are packed.

After a few hours of manning the booth, Hector and Steve decided to get food and leave me alone to man the booth. I was so bored that I didn't even remember falling asleep. I don't know if anyone bothered with getting their program stamped or requesting a copy of the film, all I remember was a voice calling to me.

"Excuse me."

I don't know how long I had dozed off but he called again.

"Hey dude, are you awake?"

My eyes opened and there he was. A tall handsome guy who was what you would expect on the cover of a magazine. Blonde hair, blue eyes and a dazzling smile wearing a t-shirt under a button up, skinny jeans, and a leather jacket.

"When is the next show?" he asked.

"Uh," I could not for the life of me construct a cohesive thought. After checking out the time, I answered, "Oh in twenty minutes."

He passes me his program and asks me to stamp it. He really wants to see Steve's movie?

"You're going to watch it?" I asked stupidly.

He smiled and chuckled, "Yeah, I'm a big fan of Sci-fi movies. Last year I went to see this one movie here about a time traveler."

He saw my film? "That's the one I made last year." I admitted.

"Really?!?!" His gorgeous eyes beamed at me and I was so flattered someone took an interest in my work. "You are extremely talented."

"You're too kind." I never thought my work was any good, but this guy here saw my movie and actually liked it.

"I always wanted to study film but I can't. Long story I won't bore you with the details."

I muster up the courage to ask for his contact info the best way I can. "Do you want to join our newsletter?"

"Sure." He took the clipboard and wrote on it. He handed it back to me and said, "My number is there too, in case you want to call me and hang out."

"Okay." I added his number to my contacts and sent him a text.

"There's my number," I said. "My name's Ethan by the way."

"Riley," he introduced himself. "But you can see that on the newsletter sheet."

We waved goodbye and he went in to see the movie.

Over the next few weeks we hung out and went to movies together, drank together, even hung out with my friends. Turns out he was a telecommunications and business double major.

"That's an interesting combination." I said

"It's extremely boring." Riley answered. "I'm doing it cause my dad wouldn't pay for anything that's not financially stable. I wanted to be in film production."

"I was always good at writing, so I picked fIlm and journalism."

"Now that is an excellent combination," he said. "You can write scripts, and stuff, and if that doesn't work out, you can become a reporter."

We both laughed at the idea of me being a reporter. We got to know each other pretty well, and became real good friends. He would come over sometimes to bring some movies he rented, we'd study for exams, or help out with homework.

One night, we had finished a movie marathon and I was about to grab some drinks from the fridge when I asked him out of the blue. "Hey Riley, don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Huh?" The question caught him off guard.

"Well, you're always hanging around with me, so I was wondering…"

Riley looked at me and said, "Not right now."

"That's odd. A guy like you would be very popular. Especially with the ladies."

"Maybe so. But maintaining a relationship is very tedious. I like having time to myself."

I hand him his drink. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but when he grabbed his drink, he brushed his hand with mine.

"I also like hanging out with you." he said to me.

That made me smile. Secretly, I liked him but I never acted on it cause being gay in Texas, sometimes isn't a good thing. And when he would say these things to me it made me blush.

"What about you?" he asked me.

"Do I look like I have a girlfriend?" I jokingly answered.

"Yes, you do," he replied seriously.

His remark caught me by surprise this time. But what he said next was what began to change our friendship.

"You can't blame me for assuming. You're a really handsome man."

I couldn't believe that someone like him would think of me as handsome. Every guy online that I would chat with always said harsh things about my looks. One guy said that I was too ugly to live. But this guy who could pass for a model, said I was handsome. I couldn't take him seriously.

"Please stop joking, I'm not."

"Yes you are." He looks me in the eye and tells me. "I'm being honest. You are handsome, people don't see that because you hide it with that gloomy attitude."

What the hell? Is he complimenting me or insulting me? What was it with this backhanded statement?

"Have you had sex before?" he asked.

I didn't know what to say, I wasn't very experienced. The most I have done was I gave a guy head once and he reciprocated. I don't know if that counts, but I couldn't tell him that. So I said, "No, I'm just a typical unpopular nerd who's also a virgin. Go ahead, make fun of me." I was fighting back tears because I thought Riley would make fun of me or think I was a loser.

He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "There's nothing wrong with that. I find you very charming as it is."

He made me so happy telling me this.

"Listen," he continued. "If you want a girlfriend, I'll be your wingman."

"What?" I don't know why but that made me uncomfortable. "I'm not looking for one right now anyway."

"I'm here for you if you change your mind." I was so confused, Riley was always a good friend to me and yet I didn't want him to pawn me off to some girl I wouldn't even be interested in. I knew I had to tell him. I was hoping he would understand and not hate me. Some guys here are still homophobic, and I prayed that Riley wasn't. He doesn't seem the type but looks can be deceiving.

But I valued Riley's friendship so much that I was willing to stay in the closet forever as long as I still had Riley. Being with him, even as a friend, made me happy.

I kept thinking about our conversation after he left. The more I thought about it, my wishful thinking was leaning more towards reality. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to kiss him when he said I was handsome. Then I started thinking about other things. How his eyes beam at me when I talk about my day. How he always wants to read my writing. Since we met, my wishful thinking always gravitated to him being my boyfriend, and I was fine with it being just that. Wishful thinking. But now, I'm noticing these things and it hits me.

"What if he likes me back?" I asked myself the question out loud for the first time. I didn't know how to respond. I was too scared to know. One thing for sure was thinking about kissing him made me hard.

I didn't know what to do. I found myself jacking off to him. His compliments resounding in my head. I wondered what he looked like naked. I didn't know anything about sex so I just kept jerking off thinking about Riley. After I came, I didn't know how to act around him anymore.

After that, I avoided him as much as possible. It hurt me that I couldn't be around him, but him rejecting me and not wanting to be friends with me anymore hurt worse.

Riley

Ethan was always so modest. When I first saw him, I thought he was nerdy. Cute, but nerdy. That's what I loved about him when I first saw him eleven years ago.

I always wanted to study film production but my father always looked down on any major that didn't bring some sort of financial stability. I could only dream and despair.

When I heard our college had a film festival, I jumped at the first chance I got. Even though I wasn't part of that department, I still made a point to make time for the film festival. I saw the first movie that interested me. A time traveler trying to save his family and friends from dying. I really loved the movie. It was so well written and the characters were well developed. I had to meet the one who brought this film into existence.

It was then that I saw him. Ethan Matthews, the writer and director of the film. I was too nervous to talk to him then. But for the entire year, he was on my mind. I wanted to see more of his work. I even tried looking for him on campus but our schedules never coincided.

I waited for the following year. I was happy to go to the film festival again to see him. When I got the program, I immediately started looking for Ethan's work. Sadly, he didn't submit any new projects this year.

I feared he probably graduated or worse. Dropped out. I still checked out the festival since I love films so much, but this year it seems mostly zombie movies or vampire movies. It was there I saw him again. He was promoting his friend's film. Although I had seen the trailer for this one, it didn't really catch my attention.

I saw that he was bored and didn't want to be there. I waited till his friends left so I could have a chance to talk to him again. I called out to him but he was asleep. He looked so cute with his messy black hair, glasses, and that smile. I called out to him again and woke him up.

I finally was able to give him my number and befriend him. Although I was pretty sure he was into me, I didn't want to assume and scare him away. He was always the shy type. I wanted him to know how beautiful he really was. I wanted to break him out of his shell and be more confident.

Our friendship grew pretty quickly and pretty soon we were close. I wanted to tell him so many times that I liked him, but being from Texas and all, we had to be careful. That's why I started dating him without making it seem like we were dating.

What do I mean by that? Well I would usually pretend I had trouble with certain subjects just so I could study at his place. I would also bring some drinks and a few rented movies to watch. It was fun while we were at it.

He had caught me by surprise when he asked me, "Hey Riley, don't you have a girlfriend?"

I thought for a second that he was catching on that I was spending time with him because I liked him. I even tried to build up his confidence with some compliments. But I think that may have frightened him away.

He started avoiding me after that. I don't know if he liked me or was afraid of being liked. I had to find out by any means necessary.

I told him I needed help with a creative writing project and needed someone to look it over. I figured this would be my chance to make my move.

"You're the only one I can trust to help me with this." I pleaded. I had to make him believe that I was in desperate need to submit my story so he couldn't refuse me. And he almost did.

"Ok, fine." He said. I could tell by his voice that he was uneasy being alone with me. But I have to know for sure. This feeling I have for him, I'm almost certain it's mutual. But I have some doubts. I've even turned down girls for him.

"Thank you," I said, relieved. "I'll bring dinner and some movies for after. See you soon, bye." I ended the call quickly so he couldn't turn me down for dinner and a movie. One thing I was sure to do tonight was to make sure Ethan knows how I feel.

That night, Ethan took my story and immediately began reviewing it. "How is it that you're good at everything else but you can't write a story for creative writing?"

"Who says I'm good at everything?" I ask him. He looks away being shy again. I'm sure you feel the same for me.

After some time, I offered him a drink to see his reaction. He takes it but I make sure to touch his hand while I pass it to him. He flinched. I look at his face closely. He's blushing. Even if it was for a moment, he yanks the drink from my hand.

"Um, thank you." he said.

I think I need to be more direct, but I can't bring the words to say it. I do the next best thing. With him sitting down, his back facing me, I put my hands on his shoulders. He tenses up. "Wow, Ethan. You're really tense. Here, let me take care of that." I start to massage his shoulders.

Ethan looks like he's about to have a mini heart attack. I can feel his heart beating from his left shoulder. "Wha..what are you doing?"

"Helping you relax." I lean in closer, my lips so close to his ear, fighting the urge to kiss him. I whisper to him, "I'm great at giving massages."

Ethan jumps from his chair and walks away. "Please stop that."

"What's wrong?" I think I screwed up.

"Nothing, I'm just ticklish." An obvious lie, but I'll play along.

"I'm sorry." The look on his face was killing me. I didn't want to lose him. If he just wanted to be friends, I could live with that. But not having him in my life, I dare not think about it. "I'll go get dinner."

I left his apartment and headed to the local pizza place. I'm not one to cry but, I felt like it the whole way through. I'm pretty sure I destroyed our friendship, all because of my stupid feelings. I had to fix this somehow.

Ultimately, I ordered his favorite pizza, his favorite alcoholic drinks, and rented the movie he's been wanting to watch for so long. Hopefully, he can forgive me and we can continue being friends.

I arrived at his apartment and used the spare key he gave me. He was still at his desk, working on my story. "I'm back." I say as I enter the apartment.

"I just finished." He said. Still a little awkward from earlier.

I try one last chance, maybe I was imagining things. "I got all your faves. By the way, mind if I sleepover tonight? It's kinda late."

"No, you can't," he flat out shot me down. "I have work tomorrow."

Another lie. That's it, I'm calling him out on it. "Your shift is in the evening."

He doesn't say anything and goes to sit down on the couch.

It's now or never. "Ethan, did I do something wrong?"

The question hit Ethan like a ton of bricks. "No, why do you ask?"

"You've been acting strange when I'm around and when I try to hang out with you, you avoid me."

Ethan couldn't look me in the eye, clearly something was bothering him and he couldn't tell me.

"Whatever it is," I say, "You can tell me."

"I'm just tired." was all he could say.

I kneel down so that we are eye to eye. I lift his chin, and I see tears starting to form in his eyes. "Did you fall for someone else?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

The question took Ethan by surprise. He just looked at me, not answering the question and leaving me with a sense of dread. I may have lost the one person who I cherish most of all.

Ethan

"Did you fall for someone else?" I was terrified to answer and shocked to hear him ask me that.

No, Riley, I thought, There's only you.

I didn't know how to respond so I just asked, "What do you mean?"

Riley reaches out and holds my hands in his. I look him in the eye and I see Riley coming closer. My heart is beating so fast, I think I'm going to explode. I'm shaking so bad, Riley must know that I have feelings for him. But is he really saying this or is he trying to bait me?

"I know you so well Ethan." He said. "I can easily tell that you're in love with me."

Oh shit! He knows. Now what is he going to do?

Riley leans in and kisses me. His lips pressed against mine suddenly melted away all my doubts and fears. And I suddenly knew where I stood with him.

"Bingo, I knew it." Riley said with a devilish smile on his face. It became clear to me that my feelings for him and his for me were the same.

I loved him, and he loved me. We kissed deeply, passionately. I was lost in a whirlwind of emotions that the next thing I knew, we were in my bedroom.

Riley pushed me down on the bed, stradling me, kissing me while he was grinding his hips against my crotch. I could feel myself getting hard and it was begging to be set free. He took his shirt off and I was amazed by his body.

I have never seen Riley shirtless, let alone naked. But it looks like I was going to get my wish after all. But I didn't know what to do? I never had very much experience after all. Riley would be my first.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

My initial response would be to lie to him and say I was ok. But Riley just admitted he can tell with me even if I was lying. So I decided to be honest with him this time. "I'm nervous, this is my first time."

"I've done it before," he responded. "I'll guide you."

I took off my clothes and I was pretty shy showing Riley my naked body. I wasn't fit or toned, but Riley didn't let me shy away. "You don't have to hide with me. You're beautiful the way you are."

How can I not fall for this guy? He throws me such sweet compliments all the time. He took my pants off for me and lowered my underwear and my hard on popped out from its restraint. Riley looked at it with surprise.

"Wow," he said. "Who knew you had that hiding in there." That devilish smile of his makes me want him more.

That night, I lost my virginity and my single status. Who knew that Riley would be my first, last, and only boyfriend.