"Ingredients: Water, protein, fat, carbohydrates, and a small amount of minerals, with a delicate fragrance."
"Physical and Chemical Properties: Acidic, easily dissolves in sweet whispers and honeyed words."
"Appearance: Uneven, smooth surface, painted with various cosmetics. Initially soft and delicate to touch, but with time, there'll be yellow spots, wrinkles, and slackening - all of which are normal and won't affect continued usage."
"Characteristics: Likes to pretend, loves to be pampered and throw tantrums, occasionally sulking."
"Functional Effects: Can warm the bed, satisfy physical needs, and soothe heartaches."
"Shelf Life: A lifetime."
"So, given everything mentioned above, since you chose to be with me, you're not allowed to mention breaking up. You must tolerate my moddy tendencies and understand my disingenuousness. You must stay with me forever."