ch.11: demons inside

So I played our set tonight. So I have been thinking about creating a music video for my new song demons inside. But well if I do I want it to be this like Victorian era theme we're we just have like this kind of scene inside this girl's head. But well it just goes to say that we all have our demons. But well it was time for the set, and well I just hope tonight I can clear my head with the music. But I do not have a clue about it.

Two months into tour: may 13

So well in two days I turn twenty. Yikes, I don't want to grow up. But well tour has been going freaking well and I have to say I am kind of lonely without Alesha and Cindy, but I did get a text from here and well it took me ten minutes to read it. But she did apologize, and I didn't text her back, I have just been thinking. But well I have gotten to know motionless in white, and they are really cool guys. And Chris is super shy. I'm a little surprised because on stage you won't even know. But well we hang out ever so often. But well tour has been fun. And the 17 is a Saturday and the last day of tour.

But well tonight is going to be fun, and well tonight I got changed into this:

But well I did my hair meaning I dyed it. But well I also am really just excited for this next upcoming month, it will be a year since I have been in Los Angeles. and also this year is me turning twenty. But well I played and tonight was awesome. I had a good mood on and my head was ecstatic.

After the concert

So we all were talking, motionless in white, dead girls, ice nine kills. They were really funny people. But I said, " okay I forgot but wait no, it was middle school year, we got to dress up for Halloween and the funniest thing happened. These two kids in blown up sumo suits. We're staying in the middle of the hall. And well I was walking by and up the set of stairs, but I heard something like pop. I run back down stairs, and saw the two kids just laying on the floor and they looked like deflated balloons. That was funny as hell."

But well that was good, " so Haley are you strong?" Chest asked me, I replied, " what are you trying to say ghost?" He smirked and said, " well are you? You don't seem like it." I said, " you are messing with fire ghost." They laughed and said, " well Haley maybe ghost over here is right?" I smirked and said, " well you saying that's a challenge?" They all laughed and I said, " well don't let me being a girl stop the strength I have."

So they just gave me a smirk and then well this happen to be a challenge to a armwrestling contest. I said, " fine but just so you know your going down." But well first it went me and ghost, and Chris said, " okay on three, clean match. No fighting, on three, one two go" I didn't have to push with my arm much, but well ghost did put up a good strength but well I won, I smacked his hand down and said, " not bad ghost. Not bad." I knew that this wasn't going to go down without a fight. But then one person asked, " when's your birthday?"

I looked down and said, " two days," then it was me vs Chris, I said, " up for the challenge motionless?" He just laughed and well, on three, one two, three. I tired and they were cheering, " Chris, Chris, chira." I laughed and well I won once again, I said, " you guys really need to start seeing with open eyes, not all women are weaklings. We can be heartfelt, but also kick ass."

They laughed and well the last one was Ricky. This was going to be hilarious. But well I do not underestimate their strength. Just because some guys have tattoos. That doesn't mean they aren't strong. But well I won against Ricky. And I said, " not bad Ricky. Not bad." But well I won against motionless, the three members at least. And well we talked a little more and well I was saying that next month will be a year I have been in California. But also I am debating on the music video. But I went back to the RV, and I got a text from Alesha.

I saw the text, " Haley I have to talk to you. But when you get off tour, we need to talk face to face, and something happened to Cindy. I need to talk." I texted back," okay well call me."

Conversation: Haley and Alesha

A: Haley?

H: hey,a listen, I am so so sorry, but I just needed time alright.

A: Haley I understand but it's Cindy.

H: what happened?

A: Haley we lost her.

H: what do you mean we lost her?

A: She was out driving, and well she was paying attention to the road, but Haley-

( She was choking on tears, and I was about toto.)

A: Haley, Cindy got in a car crash with a drunk driver.

H: total shit. Is she or should I even ask?

A: She passed away in her sleep two days ago.

H: Alesha, I am so sorry. For this, for everything I have ever done. Please forgive me for being the worst friend.

A: anytime. But just for now let's stay strong Cindy would've wanted it that way.

H: yeah. I am sorry but I have to go. Call me sometime, alright?

A: yeah. Bye Haley.

I shut the phone off and just broke into tears. And well I couldn't stop. But I will I just I had held back four years of emotions and It came crashing down.

Shut eyes and cold stares,

Never the same, hold back the emotions.

Don't let them in, can't keep holding on,

What's wrong with me?

Feels like it is all gone away,

My conscious is calling me.

I pretended to be okay.

But never was I the same,

Never the same.

I am just stuck in this world.

Just what comes next, what comes next?

I am stuck in this world, trapped inside,

Just all I am asking what does this reality even mean?!

I am stuck in this world, I will never be the same

I will rise from this past, the energy through.

Cursing through my sick mind, there is just demons breathing.

I can't ever see the same, I never meant to be this way.

So hate me if you want, I will never back away.

I will rise back up from a new path, a new reality!

Never the same, never the same

Just what comes next, what comes next,

I am stuck in this world, trapped inside, my own head.

And the only thing I ask is to see you, once again. To see you

Once again!

So I got to write a new song and well I wrote this in memory, of the loved ones I lost, we all lost, and for those we loved at yet lost, but this I am going to do the music video for, and I know that I am going to play this live at my home town, culver. But well I am going to see if I can, and well, I just hope this is going to work. I want it to be just pictures, of the family, and the friends and the pets and just all the people we have together to surround us. But I want to have everyone in this.

Last day So today is the last day of tour, and well today since it is the last day I am going to wear just a really nice offuit. And tonight I am playing an new song, not the one I wrote just last night, but well a new one I wrote, and also I am going to be playing two songs tonight meaning covers, one by arch enemy, and one by asking Alexandria. But well tonight I am wearing a really nice dress I got for my birthday. And well motionless in white, ice nine, and dead girls had thrown a party for my birthday, I thought that was freaking sweet. But well I got to sing again with Chris, but well that was fun. But they got me a offutt. And a new pair of shoes.

But this was my offutt, and well I just love it:but I got dressed, and straightened my hair did my makeup. And I thought this was really pretty, I found this example on Pinterest, thank you Pinterest. so i got done with my makeup. And went inside the venue. I am kind of sad that today is the last day of tour but i know there will be others. So. Ent in the venue and well I saw so many people already in the building. Well I don't blame them last day. Get to go to a concert. But well I went to the back, and I started to warm up. Once again music makes me go to a new world. My own world. But I was ripped away when someone said, " I see you are wearing the new dress?" I looked up to see motionless in white, " hi. And yes I am, I love it." So we talked and well dead girls went on frost, then I had to but well there last song was playing, I was in my head, motionless in white got ready, but well I was practicing, and then I heard this same voice, and I knew exactly who it was.

" excuse me? Do you know where Haley is?" I looked to see my high school ex boyfriend, Chris. I said, " I never thought I would see you again Chris?" He looked at me up and down with eyes wide. I said, " hey my eyes are up here thank you!" I pointed to my head and he said, " wow. You look different. A good different." I said, " thank you. Motionless in white got this for me for my birthday." His mouth slightly dropped, I said, " what? Haven't you seen a girl with tattoos?"

He blushed and i said, " so what brings you out here?" He said, " well I heard motionless in white, and ice nine kills were playing so, I got a ticket and well now we're here. But how have you been I haven't seen you since the day at school." I laughed and said, " well let's see right now I am on tour, well this is the last day of tour, but last tour I got into a fight, and knocked a bitch put." He laughed and said, " I didn't know you had an arm?"

I nodded and I heard, " Haley your on in five." I said, " listen let's catch up after my set and well I got to go, but what do you think, after the set we can catch up?" He said, " sure, and good luck tonight." I smiled and said, " thanks." But I played my set and well I thought that tonight was great, but I played my new song and well the story behind this is well dedicated to my family, friends, and fans.and well the message for this is tasting that no matter what people do or say, you can never stop being who you are and no one can take that away.

But well this set was awesome and well these people are really supportive, but what brought tears to my eyes was that no one ever heard this song but they were singing to it. So I thought that was really amazing. So I finished my set and said, " thank you guys for coming out tonight, you have been great I love you guys." I waved by and walked off stage, I really thought that was freaking amazing, and well I saw Chris, my ex, and motionless in white. I smiled and said, " hey guys." But I then heard a familiar voice, and well Chris and them looked back, and Chris said, " hey man how are you." He gave him a hug and I saw this guy and a woman with tattoos. Then they said, " hey guys, were good."

I was curious and then Chris said, " josh, Ryan meet Haley, she is becoming a good friend of ours. Haley meet, josh, and Ryan Ashley." My mouth dropped I said, " hi." Okua josh, was the keyboardist for motionless in white. And Ryan Ashley, is a tattoo artist, and was a winner on ink master, I still follow both of them on Instagram. And I love her work, it is different and I just love it. But she said, " hi, I love your offutt by the way, it's super cute." I smiled and said, " thank you." So motionless in with and him and Ryan were talking. And well I was talking to my ex for a little then asked, " d you wanna take a walk for a moment Chris?" He said, " sure."

So I said, " hey we're gonna go but it was nice meeting you and motionless see you around and good luck if you go on tour again." But we walked out and I said, " I am gonna get my jacket really quick if that's alright and well I packed my equipment up and then put my guitar away, and well I grabbed my kill star jacket, I love it.

But I put this on and walked out and Chris his eyes were staring me down I barked, " hey run away eyes, my eyes are up on my head." He blushed and well we started to walk and talk, " so how are things?" He asked me and I said, " well other than tour being good, not the greatest." He looked at me with quick glance, " why?" I said, " Cindy passed away in a car crash." He said, " Haley I am so sorry. When did this happen?" I replied, " may 12." He stopped and gave me a hug and said, " I am sorry. Did they know how this happened?" I said, " drunk driver hit her." I felt a few tears stream out and he said, " it's okay Haley."

I slightly cried and he pulled from the hug, " hey don't cry, you will be okay, Cindy will be okay. Let's change the topic. How was tour?" I said, " it was good, but how have you been?"

He replied, " I have been doing good, I heard you moved out of state?" I nodded and said, " yeah. And it has almost been a year I have been there." He smirked, " may I ask where?" I replied, " Los Angeles California." His mouth dropped I laughed and said," I know but well living a dream, yet also living one big nightmare." So well we talked and well still have same things in common, but I am jealous he got to see slipknot in concert. But well then again I gotta see motionless, New Years, and stone sour. So meh fair enough.