Chapter VIII : An understandable loss

After putting my clothes bag on the table I threw myself on the dusty bed, honestly I don't really care about the cleanliness of this room now because my body is sore and I really need sleep.

Just as I closed my eyes a sound from the bedroom window made me wake up, I walked over and found the backyard of the mansion as a view.

I saw Zenius was scraping snow and forming it like a small mountain, next to him there was also a small mountain covered with wooden planks and frozen flowers, I looked at him who looked serious about his work. 

Not long after, he came back in and came out carrying the same wooden board. He stuck a wooden plank that looked neatly cut into the tip of the snow mountain he made.

He came back in, I stood for a long time waiting for him to come out again because his actions made me curious. Is it done? my feeling told me to wait a little longer and it was true. Zenius came out carrying three poinsettia flowers and placed them in front of the wood.

Is that a tomb? in these snowy conditions it was impossible for him to bury the body alone so perhaps it was an empty tomb he made in memory of someone. It looks like the new one was made for Orchid... and then next to him... his old partner who gave him the painting?

Zenius' heart may not be as cold as his expression or the way he works, he looks quite sweet, I'm curious about what other side of this man will surprise me again in the future. He was then seen squatting beside the grave and looking down. Zenius' silence seemed to show that he was sinking into quite deep sadness and letting go of someone he really adores.

Seeing Zenius do that actually made me think about Savanya, because I have a job in this world I don't think I can visit my earth.

I put my forehead against the window where the cold was starting to penetrate my body. My feeling of guilt came, I couldn't give her flowers as I promised before coming here and in the future who will visit her?

Father and mother don't know Savanya's favorite flower and to think they will visit her ashes.. they wouldn't be able to do it.

I've convinced myself but still when I think about Savanya it makes me sad. I devote all my time to her, i don't have any special hobbies or other activities apart from going to college because I have to take care of Savanya who gets sick easily.

I also don't have any friends apart from Savanya..

I gave my whole life sincerely to that girl. My heart suddenly hurt, my tears fell.

I miss Savanya, I want to hug her again, i want to joke with her again, I want to be able to go back to give her the flowers she likes every day.. after this job is finished can i come back?

My body's strength gave out and I just sat on the floor, I squeezed the front of my shirt, my chest was tight.

"Argh." I couldn't stop the flow of tears that came out.

Savanya, i'm sorry.

"A-anya.."

Savanya, I'm sorry for just leaving after your death, I'm sorry because my heart and mind were so weak that I was lulled by sweet words from people who said they needed me, I'm sorry for not being able to bring you flowers and talk to your ashes, I'm sorry because I was so selfish in wanting a new life, I'm sorry Savanya.

Can i really stand alone without you?

Why must you go. Why not me? Why?

I need you. 

I closed my eyes tightly. My mind tries hard to recall Savanya's happy expression, her comforting smile.

If you were still around, I know you would immediately hug me when you saw me crying like a fool and tell me that it's okay for me to cry because all feelings are valid and because I'm a man it doesn't mean I have to force myself to look strong in front of me. You say crying is evidence of sincere feelings, not a sign of weakness.

Then you will make me honey tea and keep holding my hand as if you want to send your positive energy to calm my mind. 

I was lost in my thought..

..until when I opened my eyes again... it seemed like I had fallen asleep, the floor felt very cold, the long coat was of little use in wrapping my body. I got up slowly at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Dinner is ready," was Zenius' voice. I turned to find that it was already dark outside, the snow tonight looked quite calm compared to this afternoon.

I rubbed my rough face, "wait," i said then stepped closer to the door, I took a deep breath, I'm sure my face now looks ugly and disheveled, I opened the door and found Zenius directly looking at my face with an analyzing look.

"My assistant has prepared soup and she wants to meet you," he said after we were silent for a long time.

I changed my expression, "You said you live alone?"

"Yes, but someone has to take care of my area and house, so she lives in town and only comes when she's working," hmm... maybe instead of a house it would be more sounds correct if she just took care of the grave which always looks neat with condition the snow that never stops falling or a painting of his face that looks clean than other stuff.

We then went down the stairs and entered a large room with a large chandelier in the middle, a long table with nine chairs arranged right in the middle of the room, Zenius sat in the end chair and i was to his right.

"Enjoy~" i heard the voice of an old woman whose face i saw was carrying a tray with two bowls on it.

"Ah, so this is your new friend," she put the bowl in front of me with a sweet smile. A woman with white hair and a wrinkled face.

"I'm Amira, sir..."

"Felix, Felix Cohen," she looked at my face closely enough to make me a little uncomfortable. "What do you want to drink? tea or wine?"

"Anything," answered Zenius briefly.

Amira smiled and chuckled softly, "then 100th year wine will be delicious," she then left the dining room. "She has worked here since the first time i was appointed by the emperor, Amira is one of the magicians."

"Species other than humans really exist here?" Zenius nodded, "it's quite rare indeed because the Empire is the center of human habitation and compared to other continents the non-human population is quite small."

"Is that the reason you dare to leave the mansion without a knight?"

"Well... that's one of them, Amira is a quite strong fire mage, she worked for me after a lot of things happened."

"Then are there angels, elves, dragons or sirens here?" i asked in a quite excited tone. Zenius glances at me while blowing on his soup. "You can meet them as time goes by, there are more and more species."

"Gentlemen, i present the wine of the 100th year~" Amira came carrying two glasses of wine and a dull dark green bottle.

"Mr Felix," she called as she poured wine into my glass. I looked at her. "Be kind to master even tho he looks cold... actually he has a good heart," she whispered, even tho honestly it wasn't a whisper because Zenius was already glancing sharply at us.

I smiled awkwardly, Amira's words weren't wrong, all her expressions, words and actions didn't look that evil.

What he did in the backyard earlier or the way he cares about gift from other people... made me respect him. It makes me quite relieved that my partner is a good man.

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