CHAPTER FORTY-ONE: The Grief

KENSHI

"My son, remember these words: If one day you find yourself sinking into the deepest trench of the ocean, or falling into the darkest crevice of the ocean, you have to keep your hope burning. Even if the situation feels like it's hopeless, you have to keep moving."

"Forward or backward, father?"

"Either. Whichever course will carry you to victory."

Although covered by boundless darkness, the image of those past memories flashed before me. I knew for myself that I was conscious. The feeling of the soft mattress where my body was resting, and this faint aroma of freshly-

picked flowers, hinted my mind that it was awake.

But I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. Afraid that I might find my reality without a father. The face he last showed me had seemed to carve itself into my brain that every time my thoughts wandered on the idea of him, it 

would flash back, torturing me with the bitter truth of his death.

Even my fist would want to punch something just to distract my mind from him.

But my father wanted me to keep moving. The words he said back then reminded me of it.

And so, I slowly opened my eyes until shapes and colors invaded my still-adjusting vision. I didn't know how long I was unconscious, and I would not have known about it if I had kept myself confined in this familiar yet strange room I was in.

There was no doubt this was my room. Looking at its interior flooded my mind with memories of my younger self spending most of my time here if Father was too busy to train me. Nothing had changed. Everything remained at 

their spot, just like how I left it years ago.

"You have nothing to be scared of, Kenshiro! He's our older brother!" said a girl's voice, which I believed came from the hallway outside my room. Not long after, the door's lock clicked, followed by a faint creaking noise that echoed 

throughout the room. It was Gresa who went in first and immediately locked eyes with me. The instant she saw me, her eyes lit up before muttering, "You're awake! He's awake, Kenshiro! Gotta tell mother! Wait here! Mama! 

Brother Kenshi is awake!"

Her voice decreases in intensity along with her running footsteps. She kept on calling mother until I could no longer hear her voice. As my room was reigned by silence again, I had decided to gaze through my window, hoping it would cheer myself up a bit.

But no long after I watched the birds fly past the window, I felt someone's gaze watching me from afar. They were harmless, but their curiosity and eagerness to go near me were oozing out of them.

With a plan in mind, I swiftly shifted my vision to the direction of the stalker, only to find my brother timidly hiding behind the door. My sudden actions surprised him, and he gasped out of shock, eyes widened, before fully concealing himself.

"Is Older Brother that scary?" I asked.

I thought I would not get any reply from him, but I was wrong.

"Not scared... more like shy," he said.

"Why are you shy?"

"I... I don't know."

"You don't have to be shy. I'm your Older Brother, remember? Families should not be shy of each other," I excused myself. "Wanna sit with me?"

"I... I guess?"

"Come here. Sit with Brother Kenshi," I invited.

He slowly took a peek at me with his bashful eyes. Then, he took his time to walk towards me while wandering his eyes throughout the interior of the room. His restless hands in front of him indicated his overflowing shyness. When 

he reached the edge of my bed, he redirected his eyes at me.

I beamed a reassuring smile.

"Can you climb up here?"

He never spoke a word; instead, he nodded in response. He used both of his hands and every strength his limbs could provide to pull himself up onto the bed. It was quite a struggle for him since the bed was a bit high for him, but he 

managed. I wanted to help him at first, but then I realized that my sudden actions might surprise him again.

"How old are you now?"

"Five."

"When I was your age, I couldn't climb this bed, and yet, you did," I confessed. It was the truth. I was way smaller than him when I was just five years old, that was why climbing this bed felt like the kingdom's wall.

"But you're big now... and strong," he complimented.

"I am," I replied. "But sometimes, I wish I could go back to being a kid again. In fact, I kind of look like you when I was a kid."

Kenshiro suddenly shook his head in disapproval, which caught my attention. He then looked up at me and said, "Don't go back and be a kid again, Brother Kenshi."

My brows furrowed. "Why?"

"Because then I won't get to see Papa's face anymore."

My eyes gaped in an instant upon hearing those words. What does he mean by those?

"You look like Papa, Brother Kenshi," he continued. "And now that he is gone, you're the last person who has Papa's face. So, please, Brother Kenshi, don't go be a kid again."

Bitter yet sweet, I couldn't help but mess with his hair. I was actually surprised by my sudden gesture, but what surprised me the most was that Kenshiro didn't have any reaction.

"I miss Papa, Brother Kenshi," Kenshiro mumbled, and those words came at me like knives, pushing themselves into my heart.

I placed my hand from his head to his shoulder to comfort him before traveling my eyes back to the world outside the window.

"Me too, buddy. Me too."

Kenshiro and I continued talking. He would ask me about my life as an adventure while I asked him about father, mother, and Gresa. And as our conversation progressed, I noticed that Kenshiro was starting to get comfortable 

around me. He would look at me more often, and his voice showed more excitement than earlier. It didn't take long for laughter to fill the room as I told Kenshiro all about the funny moments that father and I had together.

"I'm glad that my two boys are now getting along," said a calming and reassuring voice. Kenshiro and I rotated our heads towards the door and saw Mother smiling at us. Her motherly aura reeked out of her as always. 

"What?! I leave them for a few minutes, and now they're friends? That's so unfair, Brother Kenshi!" Gresa protested before running towards us. She climbed on the bed and joined us. She sat on my left, then beamed a wide smile at me. I returned a smile at her before my eyes caught my mother's approach.

"How are you feeling?" Mother asked.

"Fine, I guess. Nothing is hurting anymore."

"That's great to hear. Otherwise, Marika and Shino's effort in healing you would be a waste," she explained. She reached out her hands to me and cupped my cheeks. The moment I felt her hands on my face, the warmth they gave sent a soothing sensation throughout my entire system. Only the gods knew how much I longed to finally be held by my mother. And I saw how much she waited for this moment as well. The way her eyes examined every inch of my face told me that she was trying to see the changes that she failed to witness as I grew. "You've grown so well and handsome, my son. I missed you so much."

Her eyes shimmered with bliss along with a smile, but I knew that hidden behind it was the grieving soul of a wife for his late husband. 

"How about you, Mother? How are you holding up?"

"I have already prepared myself that someday he will leave us. I married a swordsman after all. But it still hurts, I'm not gonna lie. Losing someone is the most painful feeling of all." I held both of her hands to comfort her. "But parts of me are happy, not just because you came back, but also because his final wish finally came true."

"What's that wish, Mama?" Kenshiro asked.

"To fight together with you, Kenshi," Mother declared, and unknowingly, streams of tears came rushing down my cheeks. "I miss you so much, Kenshi. Every corner of this house reminds me of him, especially you. You look so much like your father."

Mother couldn't hold it anymore and burst into tears. I immediately moved close to her and pulled her into a hug. The two joined us until all of us were crying. The room was filled with the mournful wails of grief and agony.

"Don't worry, Father. I will protect this family like you told me to. You can rest now peacefully. You have nothing to worry about anymore. But I ask for your guidance, Father, as I want to protect the person to whom I owe my life."