Choices and Change

Amanda knew she had messed up, but was now even the time to discuss it? Every expert she read about was saying the same thing. Every article and book indicated the same thing.

And yet Amanda couldn't bring herself to do it.

Every adoption parenting book and article she researched said that integrating the fact that the child was adopted as soon and as early as possible would be the healthiest thing for them. Practically every study said that integrating this information as a part of every day life would keep a sense of normalcy and a sense of belonging for the child.

It helped in showing the child that even if they didn't come from you, it didn't mean they were loved or cared for any less. Sharing this information allowed open communication and questions in a "safe space."

The only problem for Amanda was that she didn't have the answers.

She didn't tell Parker early on that she didn't give birth to him.

She didn't tell Parker that she found him at a children's playground under a bench scared and alone after several powerful thunderstorms days prior.

She didn't know what he was if he wasn't a human with some kind of weird genetic disorder.

She didn't even know if his real, biological parents were even alive.

No answers.

No hope of turning back the clock.

No way she could proceed delicately if she wanted to tell Parker anything about his origins.

So, when his fourteenth birthday came and went, Amanda realized that she could only prepare herself for when his questions would inevitably come. Everything was further complicated when Parker finally confessed that he thought he had feelings for his fellow classmate, Lyn.

Amanda had suspected Parker's feelings for months now, but it wasn't until he actually confessed that he thought he had a crush that it seemed real to her. It was obvious to Amanda, but Parker was a bit more reserved when it came to his confessions of puppy love for his friend.

No talk about being boyfriend and girlfriend was mentioned, but Amanda knew it was only a matter of time before any of this happened. It was an exciting and nerve wracking time, but Amanda couldn't help but feel dread for what might lay on the horizon.

The thoughts about a discussion with Parker about him being adopted were also taking a back burner in her mind.

Recently, Amanda's work had given her a promotion and wanted her to start coming into the office regularly rather than being virtual. She trusted her son in being alone in the apartment because she had done it before dozens of times when she needed to go out and couldn't bring or hide Parker.

More than that was the fact Amanda wanted to move into a real home. A beautiful house in a nearby neighborhood had just become available and, after a lot of consideration, Amanda decided to talk to Parker about possibly moving from an apartment to a house.

"Nothing will change. You'll still have your normal classes, but we wouldn't be in a condo attached to other apartments anymore. We would have more space and could really made something special out of it," explained Amanda.

Of course, Parker didn't have to be sold hard on the idea. He had lived in the same place all his life and wanted his mom to be happy. She had talked about buying a house for years and Parker had always wanted to experience a move. All of his other friends seemed to experience it after all.

The promise of a new adventure was thrilling, so Parker agreed.

"Yeah! Is it a big place? Are there lots of rooms? Is it far away? Or is it close?" asked Parker.

"It's a bit close actually. It's just a few neighborhoods over, which might seem silly to move if it's not a whole new area. It's a fairly big place. There's a big basement, a big living room, and three bedrooms," explained Amanda.

"Woah! I can't wait to tell Lyn," beamed Parker as he continued to help clear his dishes after dinner. At this, he paused and glanced nervously up at his mom. "Do… you think… umm… well… do you think I could invite my friends over? Once we get all moved in and everything? Like… in time for my fifteenth birthday?"

Amanda's stomach dropped as she considered Parker's words.

Many of his friends had been around for four or five years. His really close friends seemed to be good kids and developing into decent teens.

The real question, however, was could they be trusted in handling Parker with care? Also, how would they react to seeing their friend in person? What would their reactions be to him being so small?

"I… Maybe. We'll get settled first and then see if we can host something with some of your friends," said Amanda.

Parker's demeanor shifted from nervous to excited as he gave an excited shimmy and washed his dishes and then headed back to his room to finish a paper for his class.

Amanda knew she had an opportunity right then and there to possibly talk to Parker about why she had been so cautious, but diminishing that excitement in Parker's eyes would break her heart.

She decided that this new move with new beginnings may be the best time to talk to her son about how he came into her life. Just as soon as they were settled, Amanda decided that she needed to talk to Parker about everything. Not knowing the answers wasn't a good excuse anymore. Not wanting to hurt Parker wasn't an option.

This was going to hurt both of them, but Amanda knew deep down that, as sick as it made her, she needed to address the truth regardless of consequences.

It would happen with the move and as soon as they were settled.

~~~^*^*^~~~

Kers heard the word "move" and knew he had a critical decision to make – stay in the apartment complex with the other humans he could borrow from or go with Amanda and Parker to watch over the Borrower child.

It wasn't a difficult decision, but the logistics was the thing Kers was mainly concerned about. Moving as a Borrower was a tricky thing. There were too many things that could go wrong and twice as many things to worry about.

Kers could be seen, both by Amanda and by Parker.

Kers could be crushed by boxes or furniture pieces.

Kers could experience malnutrition and have a harder time finding food because humans became very particular about their food when moving.

Kers would have to start from scratch when moving to a new place if Borrowers didn't occupy the home before he moved in.

The prospect of starting from scratch wasn't an appealing one, but there was little else he could do. He made a silent promise to keep Parker safe, and that was what he intended to do.

So, with precision and care, Kers began packing all of his essentials in a go backpack. For his other essentials and items he had borrowed and wanted to take with him, Kers made the bold decision to put the items back into the human's possession in the hopes he could borrow them back once they had finished the move.

Some of the things were blankets and kitchen supplies that were too heavy for him to carry with him. Other items he was able to deconstruct and slip into small boxes of miscellaneous nick knacks that the human, Amanda, never really bothered with.

It helped that Amanda had a big calendar countdown in the kitchen letting herself and Parker know how many days they had until the big move. It let Kers slip down into the kitchen and place his valuables into places Amanda might not look or grow suspicious of while she collected everything to move.

When the big day came, Kers felt his heart pounding in his throat. He had managed to collect nearly everything in his home and place it back into Amanda's care temporarily. When Amanda began moving her boxes, the Borrower seized his opportunity.

Palms sweaty. Heart pounding distinctively slow in sync with every time his foot connected with the ground. Kers knew he had mere seconds to spare, but it didn't stop his calmness of hand as he wrenched his hook from his hip and snagged it on the edge of the box.

Kers' sprint was not half as taxing as the lightning fast climb he made into a nearby cluttered box of odds and ends. He just managed to get his hook free and found a hiding place, trusting his skills and praying he wasn't noticed, before he felt the box begin to shift. He closed his eyes and hoped that nothing would reveal his hiding place.

The box jostled vigorously before being hoisted into the air at a nauseating speed. From where he was, Kers could see Amanda's fingers poking through the box at the handholds. Kers held onto his gut and pinched his thumbs into his clenches fists as his breakfast threatened to make an appearance.

"Hang on, mom! Are my chargers in that box? Or in the other one?" asked Parker, whose voice was alarmingly close. Kers dared to glance up at the small gap of light at the top of the box as he wriggled further down into his hiding space beside some pen cups. From where he was, Kers could clearly see the charging cables Parker was referring to.

"Um… I think so," Amanda replied, her much louder voice shaking the Borrower to his core.

"Is it okay if I check? I'll be quick," asked Parker. The question made Kers' blood run cold.

Check?

Check!

You mean in the box?

Here?

Now?

Oh no…

Kers could do nothing as he listened to the sound of tiny feet pitter pad across the cardboard roof above him and watch as a small shadow filled the gap above him. He could only hope his Borrower skills had camouflaged him well enough so that Parker and his keen eyes wouldn't notice him.

The small shadow of a fellow Borrower eclipsed the little bit of light at the top of the box before Kers heard a soft thump followed by an "ooff." The disguised Borrower leaned back further and made sure he was braced for if the box was dropped suddenly. He knew the cardboard was too thick to cut through, but Kers had a clear path to those handholds Amanda was using now.

If he needed to, he could make a mad dash as long as that path wasn't blocked.

No reassuring thoughts could quiet his relentlessly thumping heart. Each beat made his entire chest throb. Clenching his jaw and leaning back a little further, Kers could clearly see the little sandy haired Borrower teen rummaging through a few odds and ends at the opposite end of the box.

Seeing him up close really showed Parker's form. He looked healthy and tall, which was a tribute to Amanda's care. Amazing what good nutrition can do for you. He's taller than the average Borrower, and he's only going to get taller.

Parker suddenly turned around and, for a moment, Kers felt his heart skip a beat. Parker's eyes widened and then squinted in rapid succession.

Kers held his breath.

Everything – time itself – stood still before Kers saw a smile curl Parker's lips.

"Found them! They're over there in the corner," called Parker as he spun back around toward the light and jumped, catching the edge of the cardboard with his fingertips and hoisting himself up and out of the box.

Kers wanted to shout to release all of the pent-up energy his body was charged with in those tense moments, but instead he forced himself to breathe calmly and nodded slowly.

That was close.

That was too close.

One of us needs to talk to Parker sooner or later.

Kers could only imagine what kind of interaction that would have been had Parker actually spotted him hiding there under the various wires and contraptions in the box. It only ended poorly for everyone no matter how Kers thought about it.

It only reaffirmed the fact that Parker needed to know the truth whether or not he was asking the right questions.

It was time.

At least, it was nearing time.

Kers realized that he needed to get to the new house and settled in, relatively speaking, before addressing Parker. It occurred to Kers that possibly addressing Amanda first might be a better alternative to talking to Parker first, but the thought of talking to a human and willingly revealing Borrower-kind made him sick.

Sadly, it was probably the best way to go about it. Revealing himself directly to Parker would bring about trust issues between him and his mother and possibly make Parker resent his mother. If Kers talked to Amanda and answered her questions first, perhaps when she talked to Parker she would have those answers and then be able to refer to Kers, their friendly neighborhood wall walker, for further explanation.

It would show that Amanda wanted to talk to Parker about everything and wasn't trying to hide information while also telling him the truth.

Parker deserved it.

He was a good kid.

He was going to be a man before long.

It wasn't going to be easy or pretty, but just mulling over the concepts and ideas of addressing everything to Parker and Amanda helped keep the Borrower's mind off of the overall trip. He didn't even notice the roar of the car engine or the jostling all around him as the boxes around him.

The car finally came to a halt and after what felt like an hour of waiting in the darkness of the vehicle trunk the jostling came to his box as it was carried into the house. The whole thing felt like tumbling down a bumpy hill or a knotted line, every step making his insides lurch. Kers could only guess that Amanda was more careful when she was carrying around Parker; he hoped so at least.

When the world finally stopped moving, Kers remained completely still for another twenty minutes. His heart pounded uncomfortably as the thought that Parker could come climbing down into the box for his various belongings interrupted any and all of Kers' strategic plans to escape his current environment.

It wasn't until he was certain he was going to be alone for the next few minutes that Kers dared to push himself up, grab his pack, and climb up to the handhold to get a better view of his surroundings.

The living area was hard wood, which would make any movement very audible if he wasn't light on his toes, and from where Kers was he could spot the kitchen and a set of stairs leading to an upstairs.

The vastness of the room and complete lack of cover made his instincts feel electrified, but all he needed was one clear shot to get into the walls. The sensation and difficulty of the task made his head swirl, but Kers took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

Go. Now!

That instinct in his mind screamed just as he began wiggling his way through the handhold on the box. Every hair stood on end. Every sound seemed amplified. The tremor in the ground felt like an earthquake.

Amanda was on her way back.

Kers knew he had only seconds to react, and he took full advantage of it.

Slinging his pack onto his back, Kers dared to drop from one box to the next without a security line all the way to the ground where he fell instantly into a crouch. His body seemed to move on its own as he rounded the corner just as Amanda passed right behind and headed toward the kitchen with a box of supplies in her arms.

One glance told Kers that Parker was riding on Amanda's shoulder and seeing them both towering above him was crippling. Heart palpitating, Kers took his chance as he spotted an electrical outlet at the far end of the living room. He was sure he was making noise. It sounded like he was running around crashing into everything he could, which was not the case.

He had just made it to the electrical cover and unscrewed the faceplate when he heard Amanda and Parker talking about how they wanted to set up Parker's room. It made Kers' heart hurt hearing the excitement in the young teen's voice.

There was such zeal and innocence there.

It took a couple of good tugs, but Kers finally managed to yank free the cover as he practically threw himself into the walls and covered the hole once more.

As Kers slipped into the comfort of the walls, he let himself breathe his first true sigh of relief all day. Though he knew borrowing back the things he mixed into Amanda's belongings would be a trick, he knew he was once again safe within reason.

The Borrower sank to the ground, sliding down the wall slowly, and sat there against the stud of a load bearing wall. Something in his heart refused to quiet. It was either fate or pure dumb luck that Parker hadn't seen him earlier.

Kers chuckled to himself quietly as the irony hit him. Here he was worried that Parker – a fellow Borrower – saw him as if Parker were a human.

Well… I suppose he kind of is all things considering.

Once he gathered himself, Kers hoisted himself and his pack onto his back. There was a lot to do and there was never enough time to do it.

First things first was to find a nice place to sleep and set up a temporary base of operations. There was nothing worse during a move than trying to fun from one side of the house to the othe when there was a decent middle ground that reached all of the essential spots.

For Kers, that usually was at or around the kitchen, so that's where he headed. The pack on his back felt like it weighed a whole pound, but he refused to leave these things behind. It honestly showed him what living a sedentary life felt like, especially when collecting things with sentimental value.

It was a new experience, and something about it felt oddly good. Borrowers, after all, didn't usually get to keep many trinkets and bobbles and knick-knacks that amused them. They needed to be able to move at the drop of a hat. They lived everywhere and nowhere.

Nomads.

Sojourners.

Borrowers.

What was on their backs was already too much to carry. It didn't stop Kers from collecting what he did and bringing it with him.

Despite the aching it caused his bones and muscles, Kers trekked through the walls with steady confidence. He had moved many times before, carrying those same things with him everywhere ever since he was a child.

Now was no different.

He would start from scratch and work his way back up to having a home, but he wouldn't part with these things. It would be difficult. He knew it. But it wasn't different than anything else he had ever done.

He also knew, as he turned his hip lamp and held it to the ground, that there wasn't hardly enough dust in between the walls and beams. There were holes from thumb tacks in weird places. It was his next discovery that truly solidified Kers' suspicions. There was even a small pencil drawing that looked like a simple house with an arrow heading further into the walls.

Excitement and nervousness instantly churned his insides.

I haven't even been here twenty minutes and already I think there might be someone else living here in the walls.

Kers' suspicions were confirmed when he wiggled his way through a narrow board that looked like it had been purposefully cut and smoothed over and saw Christmas and fairy lights twinkling around the next corner.

The Borrower swallowed dryly as every possible scenario clouded his mind. This was both the best thing and the worst thing possible.

Best because he didn't need to start from scratch and had others he could potentially rely on if they were friendly.

Worst because they could see Kers as an enemy. What was worse still was that they didn't know about Amanda, Parker, and the circumstances surrounding this human mother and Borrower child duo.

Kers had decided over four years ago to help and protect Parker. If that had to be from other Borrowers before Parker was ready for the truth, so be it.

No sooner had Kers made this decision did he hear voices coming from around the corner. They sounded like a mix of ages and genders, but Kers guessed it was a dad and at least three kids, two boys and a girl.

Kers didn't want to scare them and did the only polite thing to do.

"Hello?" he called, no plan and every prayer to his name.