Rogue Elements

Standing in front of Toby Smith's door on the 27th floor, a knot formed in my stomach. This was the last place I wanted to be. The memories of our time together – a chaotic blend of strugle and pain – washed over me. Toby, the ex-lover I had tried so hard to forget.

We met a few years back, drawn together by our mutual fascination with music. But beneath his talent, Toby harbored a dark addiction to SynthNerve – a drug that enhanced neural connections but at a great cost. It made him unpredictable, sometimes brilliant, other times a complete wreck.

I spent months fighting for him, trying to pull him away from his addiction. But it was like trying to hold onto a shadow. The man I cared for would disappear for days, lost in a drug-induced haze, leaving behind an empty shell. That's why I named my plant Toby – on his sober days, he was just as lifeless as that plant.

The last time I saw him, things turned ugly. He was in the throes of a major breakdown, the drugs and his paranoia pushing him over the edge. He... he tried to force himself on me. The memory still sends shivers down my spine. If it hadn't been for Uncle Chen bursting in, I don't know what would have happened. Chen had put him in his place, giving me a chance to escape.

I never went back after that. Never wanted to. But here I was, outside his door again, driven by necessity. Toby was a skilled netrunner, probably the only one who could help me make sense of the security footage from my apartment, and maybe track Tom. But at what cost?

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand to knock. My heart raced, and I felt the familiar glow of my eyes as my cyberware kicked in, trying to regulate my stress levels. "Focus, Marlene," I whispered to myself. "Just get the information and get out."

I knocked on the door, bracing myself for what was on the other side. Would he even help me? Could I navigate through this encounter without dredging up the past we shared? As I waited for a response, the eerie silence of the corridor felt oppressive.

"Come on, Toby, open up," I muttered under my breath, my hand balling into a fist at my side. I was ready to face him, to confront this part of my past, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread that clung to me like a second skin.

The door slowly creaked open, and I was met with the sight of a woman with long blonde hair, her appearance a patchwork of cybernetic enhancements that looked like they were chosen more for affordability than quality. Her wide eyes locked onto mine in surprise, mirroring my own shock.

"Is Toby... home? I need to talk to him," I managed to stammer, my hand inching towards the paralyzer glove in my jacket.

To my astonishment, the woman's expression softened and, in a swift motion, she flung the door wide open and enveloped me in a tight hug. I tensed, caught off guard, my mind racing.

"It's me. I'm Toby," she said, releasing me from the embrace. Her voice was different, yet there was a familiar cadence to it. "I thought this day would never come."

She pulled me into the flat, and I stepped inside, still reeling from the revelation. The place was a mess - scattered cybernetic parts, old takeout containers, and loose data chips cluttered every surface. The air was stale, heavy with the scent of synthetic lubricant and old food.

"You're... Toby?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

She nodded. "Yes, it's me, Marlene. After our last encounter, I realized that being a man just wasn't working for me. So, I decided to change... to become Kristina." There was a hint of pride in her voice as she said her new name.

"Kristina..." I repeated, trying to process the transformation in front of me. Toby - now Kristina - had drastically changed, and it was more than just the physical appearance. 

Kristina smiled softly. "I wanted to make peace with my past, and that includes you. I wasn't ready to face you until now."

The revelation left me struggling to reconcile the person in front of me with the memories I held. Kristina continued, her voice cracking with emotion. "Thank you, Marlene. For everything. For every struggle, for every fight." Tears welled up in her eyes, and before I knew it, she was crying, her head resting on my shoulder.

I stood there, frozen, unsure of how to react. The person I had come to confront, the person I had blamed for so much pain, was now crying on my shoulder, a completely changed individual. Kristina's sobs were heartfelt, full of years of pent-up emotions. "Please, forgive me," she murmured between tears.

The situation was overwhelming. Yet amidst the emotional turmoil, a part of me remembered the purpose of my visit. I gently disentangled myself from the embrace and looked Kristina in the eyes. "I... I came here because I need your help, your skills as a netrunner."

Kristina wiped her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I don't do that anymore, Marlene. Since rehab, I've stayed away from netrunning. I've left that part of my life behind. I'm sorry, I can't help you with what you need."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. The one lead I thought I had, the one person who could have helped me make sense of the security footage and perhaps track Tom, was no longer an option. I felt a surge of frustration, mixed with a strange sense of respect for the changes Kristina had made in her life.

I took a step back, trying to gather my thoughts. "I understand," I said, more to myself than to her. "I'm sorry for bringing up the past. I won't trouble you anymore."

As I turned to leave, a sudden wave of anger surged through me. All the pent-up frustration and helplessness I had been feeling came to a head. I spun around, facing Kristina again.

"You know, it's just so typical of you, Toby... Kristina," I spat out the names with a mix of bitterness and contempt. "Always so wrapped up in your own world, your own problems. You think changing your name, your appearance, wipes away the past? You're just as selfish and foolish as ever!"

Kristina looked taken aback, her eyes widening in shock at my outburst. For a moment, there was a palpable tension between us, the air thick with unspoken grievances and pain.

Finally, she shook her head, a resigned look crossing her face. "Okay," she said quietly. "I'll help you."

I paused, my anger subsiding as quickly as it had erupted. "Really?"

"Yes," Kristina affirmed, wiping away a stray tear. "I can't turn my back on the past, and I can't ignore someone in need. Not after everything. I'll help you."

A complex mix of relief and guilt washed over me. I had lashed out at Kristina, yet she was willing to help despite everything. "Thank you," I muttered, feeling a bit ashamed of my earlier outburst.

Kristina nodded, moving towards her workstation cluttered with various screens and interfaces. "Let's get to work then. Show me what you need."

I followed Kristina into her apartment, I was hit by a wave of memories. The space was larger than my own flat, yet cluttered and disorganized. Various religious magazines from many cultures were spread across the surfaces.

Kristina's figure was slender, her movements still carried the same fluidity that Toby had, but there was a newfound grace in her steps. She wore a simple, loose-fitting dress that contrasted with the high-tech ambiance of her home. Her hair, long and blonde, flowed down her back, catching the light from the neon signs outside her window.

"I've been through a lot to get to where I am now," Kristina said, her voice tinged with a mixture of pride and pain. "I consider myself, and people like you, Marlene, as Rogue Elements. We're not bound by society's norms, we make our own paths."

I nodded, still processing the change. We were indeed outliers, living on the fringes of what was considered normal.

As we walked through the living room, I remembered the heated arguments we had in this very space, the laughter that filled the air, and the tears I shed. It was a place of intense emotions, a crucible that had forged and then shattered our relationship.

Kristina led me to her bedroom, which doubled as her workspace. On her bed lay an assortment of erotic cybernetic augmentations, both male and female. The room had an odd mix of smells – synthetic lubricants mingled with the faint scent of incense.

"I work for Christian church now," she said, gesturing towards a workstation cluttered with editing equipment. "I make films about religion, for local church."

Kristina moved as if to hug me again, but I instinctively stepped back. I wasn't ready for another embrace. She seemed to understand and gave a small, sad smile.

Kristina's gaze lingered on me in a way that made me uncomfortable, her eyes carrying a hint of something I couldn't quite place. I shifted uneasily, trying to maintain a professional distance.

My eyes wandered around the room, landing on a shelf where a picture of Toby and me stood. Kristina followed my gaze and sighed. "I've wanted this meeting for months, Marlene. I wasn't sure how you'd react. At church, Father Matthias told me that changes need time and if God is willing, we would meet again in peace."

She offered me a glass of whisky – Glintstone, a brand I remembered Toby favoring. I declined politely. "No, thanks. I'd rather stay clear-headed."

Kristina sat on the edge of her bed, her hand absentmindedly reaching for a penis augmentation part. "I understand what I did wrong," she said, her voice soft. "My biggest regret is letting you down, Marlene."

I listened with my mind racing. My AuraSync Biofeedback Regulator (ASBR) was reaching its limit; I had been relying on it too much. Glancing at my biomonitor, the readings were clear:

Stress Levels: Elevated

Heart Rate: Slightly above normal

ASBR Capacity: Nearing depletion

I interrupted Kristina. "I'm happy for you," I lied, trying to mask my discomfort. "I didn't know about your change. I'm glad you've found a new path."

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. "Yesterday, there was a robbery at my flat. Everything was in chaos. I contacted the megablock administration, but they sent footage claiming nothing happened. Is there a way to check that footage?"

Kristina listened, her expression still unnervingly intense. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, as if savoring the conversation in a way that made me feel even more uneasy.

My gaze drifted upwards, landing on a large picture of a transgender woman surrounded by other girls without clothes. It only added to my sense of being out of place.

"I never wanted to come here," I confessed, my voice barely a whisper. "I wasn't ready for this... for the new you or old you." The words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions and the complexities of our shared past.

Kristina nodded slowly, her eyes welling up with tears. "Please, Marlene, don't judge me," she whispered, her voice breaking.

I stood there, feeling a whirlwind of emotions. My initial discomfort was slowly being replaced by a reluctant sense of empathy. Seeing the tears roll down Kristina's cheeks, something in me softened. With an effort that felt monumental, I moved closer and, overcoming my hesitation, sat next to her on the bed. Tentatively, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

We froze in that embrace for a few minutes. 

"It's okay," I found myself saying, the words hard to utter. I bit my lip, forcing the next words out. "What's in the past is past. I... I hope you've changed, Kristina. And if you want, we can bury 'Toby' at the memorial park, as a symbolic passing."

Kristina sobbed quietly against my shoulder. "Yes," she managed to say between tears. "Thank you, Marlene. I'd like that."

Here I was, comforting the person I had come to confront, the person I thought I despised. The bitterness and anger that had once defined our relationship were giving way slowly, it still need time but... it's good start.

I released Kristina from the hug and looked at her. "Let's look at that footage now, please" I said, more calmly.