Ascetic

From the (7) Dim Star to the (8) Small Star, it cost him 150000 troll points, and the transformation was different compared to the previous times.

It wasn't as violent as before, but Gu Yuan felt like he was being embraced by an unimaginable amount of power that quickly erased and then reconstructed parts of his body. It was much faster than before as well.

But just like with his power, his soul also underwent an enormous transformation. He didn't feel pain like before, but it felt to him like an indescribable torture.

He felt like multiple personalities began to breed inside his soul just to be forcefully erased or assimilated by his true personality. He repeatedly entered the domain of utter madness just to leave after experiencing illusions and worse things.

If his body didn't suffer as much compared to the previous transformations, his soul suffered on another level.

When everything was over, Gu Yuan didn't feel tired, but without will power to do anything, as if his mind entered a despairing limbo.

[There's always a price to be paid for great power, and this is your due.]

Gu Yuan was silent and didn't even feel the will to test his new strength.

[Do you want help?]

Gu Yuan sighed and said, "What can you even do?"

[The reason you are like this is because you are emotionally overwhelmed, so much so that your emotions got almost wiped out of your consciousness.

[A way to get better is to experience more emotions to strengthen your true essence.]

"I guess I should take a walk outside, then," Gu Yuan muttered, but he felt no will to do what he said.

[With this last upgrade, your strength is comparable to an ordinary seventh layer, so you already possess the power of a Late Stage Body Tempering Cultivator. You can try more things without much worry.]

Gu Yuan remained on the ground for a few minutes until he finally amassed enough willpower to get up and do something.

He didn't bother to put on a disguise and left his house with a somber complexion.

He roamed the streets aimlessly, seeing all kinds of things and human interactions. Slowly, he began to feel emotions returning to him.

He saw a food stall on his way and bought a few snacks, despite feeling no desire to eat. He savored the snacks but felt little happiness in them.

Afterward, he paid for a boat and began to navigate the river aimlessly, sometimes putting his hand on the water to feel the stream passing through his fingers.

When he felt it was enough, he docked his boat and began to walk the streets again, not even bothering if someone stole the boat later.

Gu Yuan spent weeks doing the exact same routine. Wandering aimlessly the streets of the capital in search of something to excite his emotions.

He saw and learned many things as if rediscovering the world.

But it was only two months later that he truly broke free from his depressive state.

"I guess I know why the transformation put me in that depressive state..." he muttered under the shade of a coconut tree beside the river.

[Took you long enough.]

"Emotions..." Gu Yuan smiled and felt joy in the breeze brushing his face, "I shouldn't rely on them, but they are part of my being.

"Many mortals can suffer from depression and die in agony, and cultivators are no different.

"Everyone needs a foundation, a platform to put the pillars of life. The pillars that support willpower and ambition.

"And this foundation should be the thing we believe the most."

[What do you believe in?]

"I don't have such a thing yet..." Gu Yuan shook his head, "And that's the reason I was hit so hard by the last transformation because I lack enough experience and tempering."

After a few minutes of walking through the streets, Gu Yuan stopped in front of an ascetic temple and took a deep breath.

[How surprising, so this is going to be like this? A troll like you wants to join the ascetics? Is this your enlightenment?]

"You sound irritated," Gu Yuan couldn't help but giggle, he then entered the temple.

"Does mister need anything?" a young man around the same as him greeted him.

"Who are you, an ascetic or a visitor like me?" Gu Yuan asked while examining the young man, he was wearing common clothes instead of uniforms and the like.

"I'm the one in charge of this temple," the young man smirked and looked at him with calm eyes, "Do you need help with anything?"

"What is the line of this temple?" Gu Yuan asked.

"We are an orthodox inheritance, but we have no official denomination," the young man explained, "But some like to call us Passing Clouds Lineage."

"I hear about you, it's said that many sages once emerged from this lineage," Gu Yuan nodded and stated his desire, "I want to be accepted as a disciple of the temple."

"Oh?" the young man was greatly surprised and looked at Gu Yuan up and down a few times, "You don't think we have cultivation manuals here, do you?"

"I didn't come here looking for cultivation-related things," Gu Yuan shook his head, "I came to seek my path."

The young man's eyes sparkled, "It's rare to see someone so young seeking pure enlightenment."

"Aren't you the same?" Gu Yuan asked back with a smile.

"My name is Mi Cheng," the young man laughed and offered a shake of hands.

"I'm Gu Yuan," he shook hands with him.

"Do you want to go through the test now?" Mi Cheng asked.

"What is it that I need to do?" Gu Yuan asked, not surprised that there was a test to be accepted.

"Come with me," Mi Cheng guided him to a deeper place inside the temple.

Mi Cheng arranged two cushions below an old tree in the inner garden of the temple and asked for Gu Yuan to choose one and sit on it.

Gu Yuan examined the two cushions, one was very old and full of the marks of time, and the other was new and luxurious. He didn't think much and chose the new and luxurious one.

Mi Cheng didn't seem to care and sat on the old cushion.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions, answer honestly," Mi Cheng said and looked into Gu Yuan's eyes.

"Go ahead," Gu Yuan nodded.

"Who are you?" Mi Cheng asked.

"Are you asking for my name? Or who I am?" Gu Yuan frowned.

"Who are you?" Mi Cheng was indifferent and asked again.

Gu Yuan thought for a moment and answered, "I'm Gu Yuan."

Mi Cheng nodded and asked another question, "What do you want?"

"What do I want here? or... what do I want?" Gu Yuan muttered with doubt.

"Here," Mi Cheng added, "And now."

"I... want to know what I really want," Gu Yuan answered honestly, "I want to know who I really am."

"So you aren't Gu Yuan, you lied," Mi Cheng shook his head, "You are a worthless, nameless, undead."

Gu Yuan didn't feel offended and stayed silent, contemplating Mi Cheng's words.

"How evil do you think you are?" Mi Cheng asked more, "How good do you think you are?"

A light lit up in Gu Yuan's eyes and he said firmly, "Can a dead person know anything?"

"Good!" Mi Cheng's expression changed for the first time, "Good, really good!"

After a short silence, Mi Cheng asked, "How much evil did you commit? And how much good?"

Gu Yuan didn't know how to answer immediately and spent a few minutes thinking.

"Good and evil..." Gu Yuan muttered as if to himself, "Can a dead person decide what is good and evil in a just and impartial way?"

Mi Cheng patiently waited for Gu Yuan's answer, ignoring his mutterings.

"If..." Gu Yuan looked directly into Mi Cheng's eyes and uttered confusing words, "I was dead since the day was born... all I did was according to my dead nature. So the right question is if death is good or evil."

Mi Cheng frowned and said, "You made a mistake."

"Please say what is in your tongue," Gu Yuan nodded.

"Dead people both can't and don't want to wake up," Mi Cheng said with a strong tone.

"Nonsense," Gu Yuan shook his head, "If so, everything is false, and my search is meaningless."

Mi Cheng pointed to the direction they came from, "You are free to leave."

Gu Yuan took a deep breath and asked, "Even if I suppose you are right, how then can I be seeking enlightenment."

"Are you?" Mi Cheng smirked, "I thought you didn't know what you wanted."

Gu Yuan opened his mouth but found no words to say, he was stupified.

"If there's no life, there's only death. But life and death can coexist for some time," Mi Cheng said even more incomprehensible words, "From death, life can't emerge. But from life, death can emerge. Because life can choose, but death can only be."

Mi Cheng pointed to the plants in the garden and said more, "The very nature teaches those things. Can't you see the rotting leaves on the ground? Can they go back to life by themselves?"

"But they can be used as nourishment for new leaves," Gu Yuan frowned.

"Yes, it's exactly like you said," Mi Cheng chuckled, "Nourishment, not creation or formation.

"Life is beyond what people can fathom, it's beyond even the strongest in the world..."

Gu Yuan was silent and closed his eyes.

"The last question," Mi Cheng said after a few minutes, "Are you hungry?"

Gu Yuan frowned and opened his eyes, his expression was that of doubt.

Mi Cheng's face was as usual as if making a serious question.

Gu Yuan concentrated and said, "I am hungry."

"Good, it means you are no longer dead," Mi Cheng chuckled, "Now tell me who you are."

"I'm Gu Yuan," his eyes shone brightly, and he felt like he finally found something to rely on.

"You are no ordinary person," Mi Cheng sighed, "I never saw or heard about someone like you, you are a freak!"

"Did I pass your test?" Gu Yuan asked with a smile, he was smiling because of the realization in his heart.

"You already got what you wanted, and your heart is not set for asceticism, go back to whatever you came from," Mi Cheng clicked his tongue and got up from the cushion.

"I owe you a great debt," Gu Yuan said in a deep voice, "How can I thank you?"

"If you reach great heights in the future, remember to pay a visit," Mi Cheng chuckled and guided him outside.

"You aren't a mortal, what are you doing here?" Gu Yuan asked with a calm face

"So you discovered?" Mi Cheng chuckled, "Well, I guess I said too much back there.

"I'm here to temper my will, that's all."

Gu Yuan nodded and bid farewell, "I will never forget this favor, I'm truly thankful."

After that, Gu Yuan returned to his house with a renovated mind, he no longer felt afraid and indecisive.

[You just found a stop-gap measure, don't forget to study yourself more in the future.]

"I know," Gu Yuan smirked, "But it's enough for now."

After sitting in the middle of his room, he didn't hesitate and added 750000 troll points. The (8) Small Star changed to (9) Great Star.

A similar transformation began to take place again, but this time... Gu Yuan wasn't as overwhelmed as before.

While confronting the many conflicts in his mind, he was always holding onto something that gave him strength.

The will to live happily, just that. No extra and complicated ambitions. No long-term vision. Only his most original will since forever.

Because he acknowledged and managed to hold onto it, it turned into a strong source of willpower.