3: Gonna Wind Up Dead
The two of us walked down the halls basically in our own world because, for once, I wasn't eavesdropping and actually talking to someone, like a true friend.
Nate and I had every class together, and I never noticed because I rarely came to school.
"How can you even still come to school?" Nate asked, laughing.
"Good question, because I still turn in my work, I just don't show up. There's no point."
"Well, you better come to school more often, or else I will be lonely without my best friend," he said, pushing open the door to our first class.
I felt myself shrink.
You know that fucking nasty smell of stale kids? Yeah, that's what it smells like.
People were talking and starting to settle in their seats.
Nate and I took two places in the back, and he put his backpack on the floor.
It fucking smells rancid in here. How do you smell this bad this early in the morning?
I mean, I understand smelling bad after lunch or even in the afternoon, but this fucking early? You better go back home and get your nasty ass in the shower.
The sun was beaming through the windows, making this horridly dull place a little saturated.
The desks were old, and the chairs were also all different colors, I actually don't even know what class we are in right now; I only checked the roster.
That's embarrassing.
"How do you get into AP Calculus if you don't come to school? Did you take pre-calc?" Nate asked. AP Calculus is crazy, what?
"Was that the one with the annoying teacher? Then yes," I said, and Nate nodded.
I grabbed a notebook, and the teacher started to talk.
I started drawing doodles on my notes, because who talks so much about math? There's only so much you can talk about; just get to the point, so I can pass the AP.
Her voice was getting blended with the sounds of people talking and walking in the hallways. And that horrid sound of lockers slamming.
I looked around at the people in my class, there were people in the back on the other side of the classroom texting, and the people in the front were eagerly taking notes. One kid was even sleeping. This is going to be a long year.
Everyone was in their cliques and talking with their friends as the teacher had her back turned.
"Quiet down, class; I am doing this for you, not me. I can just stop teaching-." She continued to talk, but my brain tuned her out.
Don't be so goddamn boring, and maybe I might pay attention to something you have to say. And maybe if it wasn't math.
I looked over at Nate, who was on Instagram reels under his notebook. I respect it, to be honest.
And now he is stalking someone on Instagram.
Kegan. Okay, what is with him and this guy?
He swiped through all 7 of his posts and screenshotted one of him playing football.
"Dude," I whispered, and he turned off his phone and quickly shoved it in his pocket.
"I already saw you dumb ass," I said quietly, and he shushed me and went back to taking notes like I was in the wrong.
I rolled my eyes. He is an interesting character.
"Yes, Ren?" the teacher said, calling on her.
All this girl did was yap. I remember her. I actually didn't know her name until now, but she was very cheerful and happy to be here.
And I respect it because I'm not, but that means the teacher always calls on her and not me.
She was basically screaming, because her voice was so loud, but I respect it, to be honest.
"Ren, be quiet," this kid said.
"Jason, be nice to her," the teacher said.
All this bitch did was get half ass laughs out of people by making fun of others and making smart moves, but I do not want to hear it this early in the morning.
That shit is so fucking annoying, oh my god.
God, I am such a hater, but it's early, and I'm annoyed.
The ticking clock echoed in my ears as the teacher moved around, teaching us thing after thing. Kids' brains can only take so much, what is she on about?
You know it's bad when you are doing the math on how long until class is over.
I was half ass taking notes, and people were yawning one after the other.
I can't wait until that bell rings; I just want to get out of here.
It was just going to be another ordinary day of my boring life.
But this time I had a friend to guide me through this boring, ordinary life. That made me smile.
I heard the bell ring, and I started to pack my notebook into my backpack.
I flung it on my back, and I and Nate were out of there as quickly as we got in there. No, because having math as the first class of the morning is child endangerment.
"We have a 15-minute passing period because of the weird schedule," Nate said on his phone, and I nodded as the two of us walked in the hallway. The bell blared in our ears, and everyone else was in the hallway.
Nate and I navigated through the busy hallway. Many people were having their own conversations and were pushing and rushing through the halls.
We approached our lockers, and I felt Nate nudge me as his eyes widened.
"Will you stop? What is with you and Kegan? It's not even that deep," I said, rolling my eyes.
He's got a thing for this man or something, because what?
Kegan smiled at the two of us. Fucking weirdo.
"The way he carries himself is just so-." Nate stopped himself.
"Is just so what?"
I looked at him.
"He's so mysterious and commanding all at the same time," Nate said, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Commanding? Fuck does that mean?"
"I don't know; he's just-." Nate stopped himself.
He is so damn weird.
We are literally on a break between classes, and this bitch sees Kegan, and he's expressing his admiration for him and his weird little, I don't even know.
We continued our conversation about Kegan and all the weird things that Nate had. I heard people start to go quiet in the hallway.
Ugh, I hate when people think they rule the fucking world.
Bruh, you are literally just the class president; it's actually not that deep. It's high school.
That's my man, though—fake man, actually, so I can't say anything.
He and his little vice president made their entrance.
They are walking in sync too. That's gross, because what?
"Stop," I said.
"Stop what?" Nate asked back.
"Stop looking at them."
"You are too; why are you getting mad at me?" Nate said with his hands up, all confused.
"Because, uh, you are looking at Kegan all weird," I explained, and Nate rolled his eyes.
I watched as Elijah put on a fake charismatic smile; he waved at people and talked to them as they came up to him.
God, I can't stand how well he can protect his image and get everyone around him to like him so easily, just like that.
I hate when people can actually make friends. I feel jealous of him right now, and I think it's because, deep down, I am lonely, and it's finally catching up with me.
I have been lonely for so long, and now I am not. It finally hit me.
Kegan followed him around like he was a fucking dog.
He has a straight face and the same misdemeanor.
Okay, bitch, fuck, are you looking at you glitch? He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes.
He was so weird.
His eyes went back to looking at the people around the hallways, from all up and down the halls and outside, basically everywhere.
I looked at Nate, and he looked back at me.
I knew there was something behind them, and so did he.
I am so hung up about a guy I don't even know because I'm dating him in some dumbass video game I was given so long ago that I don't even remember.
We watched as they faded into the crowd of people, and everyone continued as usual.
"You feel that?" Nate asked.
"Feel what?" I asked.
"Your love for Kegan–." Okay, a slap was not necessary.
He pushed ahead of me, and I laughed as I followed behind him.
They are so goddamn strange.
The day continued to unfold, and Nate kept talking about fucking Kegan; bruh, shut up, I swear to God.
But we are friends, best friends, and I need to listen to all his vents, complaints, and rants because I enjoy his company.
"You are staring at him again," I said as Nate and I walked to our next class.
"I'm not even staring at Kegan-."
"I didn't even say his name, and he's already on your mind, I see," I said, interrupting Nate.
The way he carries himself with just that crazy, nasty ego, he just needs to stop. It's getting Nate's attention, and it's making me irritated.
He's just admiring him from afar with that stupid charm that he has.
He's looking at his every move; he's been talking about the way he speaks, his confidence in his gestures, and the way he walks, and that still, fuck, I'm so, just I don't know.
Nate's been on and on about how he is going to decipher the code—that is, his personality or some shit I don't know—and he has been yapping for a while now.
Let me just go to the bathroom, please.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I can't just use the bathroom?" Kegan asked.
"No, you can't."
"What's your friend's name?" Kegan asked.
"Nate?"
"Is he the-." Kegan stops himself and starts doing weird hand signals like he's throwing up gang signs or something.
"Is he what?" I asked.
"He's short, a little chubby, short; I don't know his name; he is always around you," Kegan said.
"Nate?"
"Yes."
"What about him?"
"Does he know?" Kegan asked.
"About the whole Elijah thing? No, and I plan to keep it that way until I am ready to tell him about it," I said, and Kegan smiled.
He leaned near my ear.
"Does he know he's cute?" Bitch, where are you going? You are not just going to say shit like that and just leave.
I don't even have to go to the bathroom anymore. Fuck this.
And right as I walk outside, he is talking to Nate. You leave him alone, my god.
I walked as Nate's face went red and his eyes were lingering like he was nervous or some shit.
His voice was cracking, like he had a crush on something.
Wait, did he?
This fucking dumb ass, no way. That's crazy. I can't.
Kegan and fucking Nate, I can't even imagine them together, not in this life, not ever.
Wait, what if they are together in the video game reality? Fuck, I don't even remember; my memory is so bad.
The school day continued very slowly but fast enough that I don't remember a single thing that happened that day.
I smiled as the annoying ass bell rang; the school day was done.
The hallway was full of loud talking and laughter, and people were trying to get out of this horrid place.
Ugh, why do people shut their fucking lockers so loud? It's not that deep.
Nate and I walk together.
"Why do you have that stink-ass face?" Nate asked me.
"That bitch, Kegan."
"What's wrong with him?"
"He's irritating, and we've had our differences,'' I replied, trying not to expose all of my secrets in one go.
Nate's eyebrow raised at me as we stepped outside
"Differences? I thought you didn't have any friends?" Nate asked.
"Rude."
"Bruh, you told me that," Nate said.
"He's just: I'll tell you later."
"No, tell me now," Nate said, grabbing my shoulder.
I can't.
You're going to think I'm crazy.
"I'll see you later, dude!" Nate said and waved.
I have a friend.
That's crazy.
It makes me happy and makes me smile.
I watched as Daniel pulled up in his car, his music blasting.
"What's up, freak?" he yelled over the music, exiting the car and taking my backpack from me.
Weirdo, why is he being so nice today?
"What's up with you?" I asked, getting in the front seat and buckling my seatbelt.
"Just happy."
"About what? You are never happy."
"Can I just be happy?"
"No."
"Fine, if you must know, there's this girl at work, and she's been eyeing me," Daniel said.
"Have you talked to her?"
"No, why?"
"Because your nasty personality is going to put her off," I said, and I watched Daniel grip the steering wheel.
"Tell me if you go far with her," I said, looking out of the window.
This is the road we always took back to our house.
Fucking Kegan, or Kagan, my brain keeps saying his dumb ass name wrong; he's just getting on my nerves in all of the realities, and it's irritating.
I feel like Kegan knows a lot more than he puts on. He's hiding something bigger than just this whole operation.
Every whisper he tells Elijah and every gesture he makes towards me, it's like he's trying to convince me of something I just don't know.
It's hard, and I'm not sure how this whole friend thing works—or relationships, for that matter—and I just got both in two days. Even though one is fake, it is still a lot to deal with and handle, and it makes me want to hide in my room and never come out.
The city around us unfolds—the city being the neighborhoods surrounding my school and the little coffee shops here and there.
The sun was going down earlier than it always did nowadays, and it made me both happy and sad at the same time.
I am happy the school day is over, but sad because I don't want this day to end.
Ugh, this whole thing is so cringe. I hate feelings.
I looked down at my phone, and Nate's messages started to pour in, saying all these things about how he's happy we are friends and all that.
I smiled down at my phone.
Nate's curiosity continued, and he kept blowing up my phone, not giving me any time to respond to anything.
My mind was wandering; it tends to do that.
I am so excited to play this stupid game.
My mind is going between the real and the virtual game.
The game felt almost as real as real life did, and real-life almost felt as fake as the game did.
If this was a dream, I hope I die in my sleep because I want this to last forever.
Kegan is such an annoying little cunt, and I can't stand him.
He's a fucking glitch and a bitch.
Call me Dr. Seus with the shits.
There is so much I don't know fuck, it's making my head spin, and the same with my world.
"Stop thinking so much; it's making you ugly," Daniel said as I heard the garage door shut.
I got out without saying a word, and Daniel handed me my backpack.
He stopped me from walking into the house.
"What?" I asked.
"What's wrong with you?" Daniel asked.
"Nothing."
"It's not nothing because there is something wrong; you have been making that face since you got in the car."
"It's actually nothing," I said, pushing past him.
"Fuck. Excuse me for trying to be a good brother," he said irritatedly. Great.
He walked upstairs, and I followed behind him.
He slammed his door, and I went to my room.
So many questions remain. I don't know what to do.
I turned on my light as I saw Nate's contact light up my screen.
I answered the FaceTime call, and I put the call on my desk.
"I need your help," Nate whined, and I smiled at him.
In one of those many text messages I was sent earlier, I somehow agreed to help Nate with homework.
"I shared a document with you; look at it," I said, and Nate nodded, opening up his computer and typing on it.
The glow of his laptop and the glow of my desktop illuminated both of our faces.
His room was this mundane gray color, and he didn't have a whole lot on his walls.
Everything I would say Nate would start bursting out laughing because he was not only eating candy but also drinking coffee, so he was bouncing off the walls.
"This is why you can never get your homework done. It's not even that hard; you just need to not do whatever this is," I said, laughing with him.
"I call it chug chug glug glug," Nate said, and he started laughing again.
He sure was a character, that's for sure.
Our laughter passed through the speakers as we talked and tried to get homework done.
Nate's laughter was very contagious because it sounded so dumb, and it made me happy to finally have a friend to fill my loneliness.
Nate's eyes lit up, and he gave me this weird look.
"What?" I asked.
"What did Kegan say to you?"
"When?"
"In the bathroom," Nate said.
"Why are we talking about him again?" I asked, and Nate started laughing again as I shook my head at his stupidity and his obsession with this glitchy bitch.
I love the internet; it is my escape from this world.
Even if Nate is in my world, I feel like it's him in the virtual world, and we have been friends forever.
I'm happy.
"SHUT UP!" I heard a voice boom over FaceTime, and I watched Nate shrink.
He continued with his homework.
I walked as his door swung open, and there a man stood, swaying left and right with a bottle in his hand.
"Where's my food?" the man said, slurring his words and using the door frame to stand.
"I put it in the fridge," Nate said, turning around.
The man stared at Nate.
No words left any of our lips.
"What did she say?" the man asked Nate.
"Mom?"
"Don't call her that."
"She didn't pick up; she never does,'' Nate said, and then walked into his room.
Nate quickly stood up.
"What are you looking for?" Nate asked.
The man didn't answer.
"Dad?" Nate said again.
Damm. I don't even know what to do in this situation.
"Bandages?" he asked.
"What happened?" Nate asked back.
The man showed him his finger.
"Okay, I'll help you," Nate said.
Damn. I
"You good?" Nate asked and the man nodded, stumbling out of his room.
Nate took a deep breath, and I watched him turn around.
"Let's get back to homework," he said with his normal smile.
I didn't want to pry, so I nodded.
He was always laughing and bouncing off the walls, but behind all of that, I could tell he was struggling.
I had so many questions to ask him, but it wasn't my place. When he was ready to tell me, I was ready to listen.
He keeps that pain pretty far down. From the outside perspective, his dad is an alcoholic, I'm assuming, and abusive, well, verbally at least, and I think his mother is not in his life.
"Nate," I said, and he looked up from his homework with a weak smile.
"Yes?"
"Do you like Kegan?" I asked and he rolled his eyes
No matter how he answered, I knew the answer, but I just wanted to take his mind off his home life, even if it was for just a few seconds.
"No, he's annoying, and I hate him," Nate said, laughing.
I could see why he liked him so much. I think he needs that hope or that something or someone in his case that will guide him and make him happy.
His lively, happy personality, with the background of all I just saw on Facetime and all that happens off of Facetime, shows how vulnerable he is.
He just needs someone to love him.
I feel that.
"Are you good?" I asked, and Nate nodded.
"Yes, thank you so much, good sir," Nate said, smiling.
"Text me if you need any more help or anything else," I said, and Nate nodded.
I watched as his face disappeared, and I was alone again.
He is just as lonely as me.
I smiled.
Having friends is nice.
It's very nice.
I turned around in my chair and smiled at the headset.
My eyes are already terrible, and I might as well ruin them and go blind.
I turned it on and put the headset over my eyes.
Farmland love, let's go, bro.
The vibrant hues of the world were even more real than they were before.
Holy shit.
I clicked play and got warped back into the world.
I'm in my bedroom.
Everything is the same.
I opened the door.
This game is getting a little too real, down to the cracks in the ceiling in the hallway.
I watched downstairs, and I heard laughing.
"Momma?" I called out.
"Hi baby, it took you forever to come downstairs," my mom said, and there Elijah, Kegan, and Nate stood.
Kegan smiled at me as I watched him glitch.
"Hi momma," I said, looking around.
Everything was so real; this was scary, holy shit.
Elijah came out from behind the counter, and he kissed the side of my face.
"Hi, handsome," Elijah said, continuing to kiss my face.
And I am blushing at a digital man.
"Hi," I said. In front of my mother is crazy.
"Don't you have work?" I asked my mom.
"Yes, honey, but it's in an hour or so. I was just helping these three get started with the cooking, and then I was going to go change and go wake you up," my mom said with a smile and kissed my forehead as she walked by and walked up the stairs.
Elijah guided me to behind the kitchen counter, and I felt him hold my hips as I helped them with the food.
I looked over at Kegan, who gave me a nasty smile as he glitched.
"I control a lot more than you know," he said, glitching again.
What does that even mean?
"Baby, stop being weird," Nate said, walking over to Kegan and hugging his side.
Baby? What the fuck?
I thought, Wait, what is happening?
All of the memories of Kegan and Nate were now of them together, every last one.
Fuck, he's good.
"I'm sorry, honey," Kegan said as he kissed Nate's hair and held him.
"Glitch," I spat, and Kegan laughed.
Elijah let go of me as he got some more food out of the fridge.
"Honey, can you go get plates so we can have them ready?" Kegan asked, and Nate nodded, walking towards the plate cabinet.
"How many?" Nate asked.
"Never mind," he said, laughing.
I looked over at Kegan.
"What are you planning?" I asked.
"I'm not planning anything; the world still moves even if you're not here. I hope you know. You are not the main character in this story," Kegan said with a smile as he glitched.
"Yes, I am."
"Says who."
"Everyone, the world follows me," I said and smiled.
Kegan rolled his eyes.
"I'm still in control," Kegan said.
"Is that why you made Nate fall in love with you and call you baby?" I asked, and Kegan froze.
I watched as his face turned red.
"So you like him?" I asked.
"Yes, we are dating," Kegan said.
"No, like in real life."
"This is a game, you dumb ass," Kegan said, smiling anxiously.
"I'm asking you about real life."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Listen here, you little-." I stopped and smiled at Kegan.
"You are the only one who correlates to real life; stop playing dumb; you told me that," I said.
"Did I?"
"Yes, you did. Now do you like him or not?" I asked.
"Kegan, stop being so weird. What is with you and Alex?" I heard Elijah's voice say something, and I turned around to look at him.
"I'm sorry, dude," Kegan said, not even putting up a fight.
Bro, now I am confused about what is going on.
I helped plate the food, and I brought out two plates and put them on the table.
"You guys sit; I will get drinks," I said. They were in my house after all, so I feel like it would be awkward if I made the guests get stuff, especially if they already made the food.
"Honey, can you get me sparkling water?" Elijah asked, and I nodded, going into the fridge.
I got 3 bottles of water and one sparkling and brought them to the table.
I sat down, and we started to talk.
"Kegan, you need to stop being so weird," Elijah said.
"Yeah, baby, it's not that deep," Nate said, and Kegan nodded, apologizing.
He looked at me, and he glitched.
"Everything is so real until it's not," Kegan said, looking at me.
I looked around as things started to morph.
Stop. stop.
"I'm asking you to stop," I said, and the world stopped and went back to normal.
Kegan shot me a nasty look.
"Kegan," Nate said.
"Sorry, bunny," he said, kissing Nate's hand.
I smiled.
I could be happy for them if it meant that Nate was happy.
Only him, though I don't care about Kegan.
"You are in control too," Kegan said, and Elijah rolled his eyes.
"Kegan, stop," Elijah said.
"I'm sorry, I have been reading too many Pinterest boards," Kegan said, lying.
God, they don't even know the power that he has.
I felt someone push my hair out of my eyes, and I smiled.
"You look adorable," Elijah said, whispering in my ear, and I smiled.
"Even with this emo haircut," Elijah said.
God, he was handsome.
He glanced at me and smiled.
I wish someone could look at me like that in real life, preferably this handsome man.
I watched his hand go to my thigh.
King. King. What the hell?
I'm getting butterflies and shit.
I looked up at Kegan, who was staring daggers into my head.
I watched as he glitched and smiled at me.
Every glitch and everything he has said to me is a reminder that none of this is real.
No matter how real it all feels, none of this is real.
It's all fake. It's all just a game.
My perfect little reality is more fragile than I could imagine.
Fuck, but all these good memories with Elijah and all that.
I smiled at Nate, who smiled at me.
"What?" He mouthed, and I shrugged.
I mean, we were technically best friends in real life too, so I guess I'm the master of my own destiny in that sense, but aren't we all? I guess so.
But the glitches are starting to get to my head. Let me just be happy in this fake world. Why does everything have to be so difficult and so hard? Why can't I just be happy?
None of this is real, but why does it all feel so real? God, I don't even know.
Thinking makes my head hurt.
"Are you hungry?" Elijah asked.
I nodded, picked up my fork, and started eating.
A little food would be fine. I will be fine.
"I'll wash the dishes, baby. Nate, come help. Let these two figure themselves out,'' Elijah ssaid,and Nate nodded and got up.
Fake.
I stood up and walked towards the living room.
It was just like my normal one. I mean, everything was like that.
I sat down, and I turned on the television.
"Can we watch Reservoir Dogs?" Kegan asked, and I nodded and turned to it.
We stayed in silence while the movie paused.
"Why do you have candles burning?" Kegan asked.
"My mom likes them," I said, and he nodded.
We love awkward small talk and dancing around the conversation.
"You guys talk it out?" Elijah asked.
"Yeah," we both said, lying in agreement. Good job! Glad we are on the same page in that aspect.
"What is your purpose?" I mumbled to Kegan.
"I have no purpose, just like you," he smiled at me.
Cunt behavior.
I felt a hand wrap around my waist and smiled at Elijah.
Maybe I should try talking to this handsome stranger in real life because he sure is nice to look at.
I looked over at Kegan and Nate. Nate had his head in Kegan's lap and was staring at the screen.
As we sat in the living room, engrossed in a movie, I couldn't shake off the lingering unease caused by Kegan's glitch shit.
Every move he made, I felt like I was the only one seeing it.
His whole purpose was to make me realize that none of this was real, no matter how much I wanted it to be. It wasn't real, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Or, do I guess, make my dreams reality?
That could work.
I guess.
"I hope your little friend likes me," Kegan said.
"He's right there, you know?" I said back.
"He can't hear us."
"He can't?" I asked.
"Nope, I run this sad, sad world, believe it or not," Kegan said, staring off into space.
"Maybe if you were more approachable."
"How?"
"What do you mean, how?"
"How do I become more approachable?" Kegan asked
"Stop being a cunt?"
"Okay. Okay, I can do that. I can do that," Kegan said
"You got this,'' I said. He didn't get this, but I have to stop this whole thing before I get crazy eye damage.
I love this world.
I really do.
It was around 2 in the morning, and, well, I am going to sleep because what the hell?