Contradicting Identities (3/6) || Reyin

The rest of my day was spent in bed. It had been Hael's order, and despite having told him I was alright to move, he'd insisted I rested more than I'd needed to. He'd even had everything I needed delivered to me. Some things I'd asked for, others given to me based on his perceptive whim. 

Excessive cups of hot vanilla tea for my throat—which had soothed my vocal cords enough for the volume of my voice to reach above a rasp. A book from the inn's private collection to keep me occupied. Sweet treats to please me.

The sincerity of Hael's docile actions told me he was not merely performing to subdue his guilt but taking care of me because he cared about my well-being. Was it odd? It certainly was strange that I found it…nice? Yes, nice was the word. I liked how I only needed to whisper Hael's name to have his face snapping my way, ready to listen to whatever request fell through my lips. 

I liked that whenever he looked at me, his eyes were on mine and not glaringly tracing my scars. Well, not at first, anyway. Sometimes, I still caught his eyes studying them, emotions I couldn't decipher darkening in his eyes. 

I simply liked that he treated me as someone worthy of regard. There was nothing more to it.

…right?

****

We left the inn the next night after I'd bathed, and Hael redressed his injury. I had offered to change his bandages and inspect his stitches, but he'd ignored my help. We were traveling quietly by lakeside now, following a trail I couldn't recognize. I was at least happy we'd escaped that desert-like village and felt mildly at ease to encounter so many scurrying small animals and swaying greenery.

The sheer veil still hung from my nose since Hael intended to keep my identity concealed, no doubt to decrease the potential of anyone recognizing me. I had yet to discern whether he was hiding me from Avalon officers who might have been searching for me or rogues who would be interested in an injured Prince a long way from home.

Sitting on Hael's horse, my fingers tangled idly with the reins while Hael walked alongside the chestnut, leading it. I knew it was because he hadn't wanted to get close to me that he'd opted to travel by foot. 

Something had changed between us at that inn.

Something terrifying and fond hung above our heads, and I was unsure of which idea to cling to. And after hours of silence, of avoiding addressing this small change in any way, I couldn't bear it any longer. 

"Where are you taking me?" I was not ashamed to admit it had likely been the hundredth time I'd asked this, and right now, it was the safest way to break the silence. I knew he would close off if I was too direct with my questioning.

"Somewhere safe."

Surprise that Hael had answered me had my lips parting. And oddly, I believed him when he said it. Looking down at him, I let my ankle brush his side. Indulgent green jewels met me curiously. "I thought I was safe with you?" I let myself ask, hoping he wouldn't start ignoring me again.

"For as long as my eyes are open, you will be," he answered, his words a wooden puppet for grief to mangle.

A discontented sight left me, and I shook my head. "Have you forgotten that I am a Prince? I've been trained to protect myself. That and I am also a fully grown man. You do not need to fear hurting me. Truly."

He huffed dryly, the closest noise to his amused chuckle in what felt like weeks. It had only been two days since I'd last heard it.

"What?" I feigned offense. "You don't think I'm capable?"

"I know you are. But you are also recovering from a knife wound. Where will your confidence be when you drop from blood loss?"

"I won't," I said easily. "Because you wouldn't let me fall."

Hael's eyes flew to me, his lips parting with a breathless noise. With each flutter of his lashes came an invisible promise misting into the air and passing through my chest to inscribe on my heart. 

"Ever," he whispered, eyes holding mine.

We walked further along the expansive lake's crumbly shore. Beneath the moon, the water glittered like the sun reflecting off fresh snow, and it rippled beneath every tickle of the wind. Coming from the freshwater was a crisp air that quietly bit at my cheeks and nose.

"We'll stop here for the night," Hael said. And he didn't secure his horse's lead like I'd expected him to. He seemed undisturbed by allowing his horse to roam. To be fair, the chestnut never roamed far, dutifully loyal to its owner. 

Hael turned towards me and lifted his hand. I looked at his smooth palm, at the ice glistening beneath his skin, alluring me with the bite of frost should I have touched it. 

I did.

I could not say why, but it was as though I'd already forgotten this man was my captor as I slipped my hand into his. His long fingers curled around my knuckles in an almost doting embrace, stroking the reddening skin too delicately. Butterflies soared across my stomach, traveling to my heart with affection webbed across their colorful wings. The sudden emotion was startling, like the heightening of ravenous flames at a single breath of wind. So quickly, I hopped down and pulled my hand from his. 

I was much closer to Hael now, our eyes practically level, gray colliding with green in a curious, tantalizing battle neither of us seemed content pulling away from. His cold body dictated the air between us. And his heart was galloping restlessly. Or maybe that was mine. The helpless organ beating an erratic tune to acknowledge this strange and wondrous connection I felt to Hael. 

A quiet snap somewhere in the forest ahead sliced the tight knot securing our gazes, and our eyes pulled toward the noise. 

Calm, I remained as I was sure a bunny or another small animal had come across us. We'd encountered many along our journey, and we were in the forest, where small animals lived freely. However, Hael didn't share the same confidence as me. No, his body stiffened to the point of metal as his hand hastily found my waist, holding me firmly in place. Anchoring me to him. 

Another snap sounded before we could discern where the first one had come from, and dense bushes sang. With his free hand, Hael reached behind me for his sword, prepared to unmask it.

I caught his wrist then, panic skipping stones across my stomach and widening my eyes. He must've seen it because his gaze softened as I silently implored with my expression. 

"Please," I nearly whimpered. "Don't."

I would not be able to take it if he killed another person in front of me. The gore and despair and disaster of it would be too much to bear, afflicting my spirit, heart, and soul. Clawing at my conscience for having not stepped in front of Hael whenever he drew his sword to protect the lives he targeted.

A sound like footsteps approached, and Hael and I were looking toward the crowded trees again, our auras more cautious than before. But then soft cries sounded, and a small girl emerged from the forest, covering one weeping eye with her tiny hand. She could not have been older than seven or eight.

My heart squeezed with the vehement desire to help, breaking a little at the sight of her sadness. Lowering my veil, I released Hael quickly and pushed past him, walking across the rocky shore to reach her. The girl's eyes widened, a soft brown clashing against the starry moonlight, and I gave her my most amiable smile. Her foot pushed behind her, and her wails worsened as her eyes flitted across my face.

I froze. 

Something akin to grief poked every vessel in my heart individually and watched me bleed.

Was she…afraid of me?

It makes sense, I tried to convince myself. A grown man approaching a lost little girl would reasonably make anyone cautious. More reason I wanted her to know I wouldn't hurt her. That I wanted to help her locate her family if it was the last thing I ever did.

I lifted my hands beside my head, palms facing forward to show I would not touch her. "Are you lost, love?"

Her wails heightened to a fragile scream as she withdrew further, and a startled frown captured my lips. I wanted to help her, but I was too afraid to approach, fearful that she'd flee and lose herself further into the dense forest.

A soft squeeze came at my shoulder, Hael's hand brushing down the length of my arm, fingers almost touching mine before he walked ahead. Panic and mind-rendering fear made my body rigid with nerves, tangling and knotting them. I stiffly grabbed Hael's wrist, my eyes bulging.

Fear of him returned then, and when he slid his inquisitive gaze to me, I knew he noticed.

"Please…she is only a child," I muttered, my voice gravelly with terror.

Hael flinched, gray clouding his expression, making it evident he was disappointed that I'd assumed he'd go after a child. But was that not what he intended to do? Why else would he approach her? Why else had he approached anyone?

"I won't hurt her," he said quietly. The soft and sensitive aura emanating from his body told me he was being honest, so I chose to believe him. I released his wrist and noticed he'd already abandoned his sword.

By this point, the girl was too distracted from the chaos of her tears to notice Hael approaching her. He crouched and retrieved what looked like damp twigs and small rocks, tangling them in his hair. He then kneeled before her.

Hael said something to the girl I couldn't hear, but it had her eyes opening, sad streams running down her delicate face as she nodded. Her eyes moved across Hael's hair, and her small fingers carefully picked out the nature he'd buried in his dark waves. I approached, but only enough to hear their exchange. I remained far enough away that the girl would not be startled by me.

"…sometimes I trip over my feet, and things get lost in my hair," I heard Hael say, his voice softening to a song to soothe the girl.

She sniffled, her tearful eyes considering Hael's face with innocent curiosity. "T-to me, too," she muttered. And my heart wept at her broken stutter. "A b-beetle was in my hair o-once."

"A beetle?" Hael echoed, his voice taking an inflection of genuine interest. "What about now? Any beetles hiding in there?" He lifted a careful finger and curled it around the tangled end of the girl's braid.

Her fingers sifted through Hael's hair absently. She shook her head.

"That's too bad. I was hoping to see one."

I could hear the smile in Hael's voice.

The girl smiled weakly at that, her reddened nose scrunching a little. "Beetles are gross. Sometimes I find them in my bed. I think my brother puts them there. He likes beetles."

Hael nodded and gingerly touched the girl's shoulder. "And where is your brother now, little one?"

Tears returned to her eyes, her body trembling with a sob. "W-w-we were playing, and I went t-too far after he told me not to."

Her cries worsened, effectively splitting my heart in two, and when Hael cooed to her, a part of me latched onto the comfort. "Do not worry. We'll find your brother. Together. How does that sound?"

"We h-have to hurry," she said quickly. "Luis is afraid of the dark. If we don't hurry, the monsters will get him."

"Well, it is a fortunate thing all monsters are afraid of me, then."

Her tears stopped abruptly, and she gazed wide-eyed at Hael, her curiosity brightening at the turn of its valve. "They are?"

"They are," he confirmed softly.

Seeing that the girl had calmed down a bit, I decided to discreetly approach. However, she noticed my movement instantly, her gaze fixated on the left side of my face. On my very visible and very hideous scar. She took a wide step back, trying to pull Hael with her. 

"M-monster," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

I couldn't rescue the shattered pieces of my heart that sank into the dark depths of my stomach. 

Hael looked over his shoulder, softening his eyes on me, and I did not know why, but the tenderness he extended my way felt like a lifeline I desperately needed to hold onto. 

"Not a monster. My friend." For some reason, it didn't feel strange that he regarded me as such, even though it should have. It felt almost…natural to be named a friend by him.

The girl's eyes remained on me, tracing the line of my scar innocently, but insecurity burned within me that I could have looked so hideous that she would have considered me a monster.

"Did a monster do that to him?"

"They did," Hael answered with a chord of sadness that surprised me. His gaze found mine over his shoulder. He was speaking to the girl but pointedly looking at me. "And I am here to ensure monsters never touch him again."

"Because they're afraid of you?"

"Because they're afraid of me."

The girl extended her trust to Hael as he distracted her with conversation. It was almost…no, it certainly was, endearing how tender he was with her, like a soft hero in the night, and a complete contradiction to the person he'd shown me. A man who plucked people at random to kill but also protected me from rogues, tipped inn workers—generously—and soothed crying children. 

Hael's aura, when it touched me, whenever he was near, had never felt wicked.

I'd always been known for trusting too easily. For wanting to see the good in people. Perhaps the innocent quality had stuck with me because whenever I felt Hael's spirit tangle with mine, it felt like warm coals trapped against my body in an all-consuming embrace. It felt protective, fond, and safe. It felt good. Like somehow, blood and violence were merely a screen the good in Hael hid behind. 

My mind was spinning from all he'd shown me. Every small piece of a puzzle that couldn't possibly connect with the last, like he teetered between different identities. I realized now that Hael was more complex than I could have ever predicted, and there was a part of himself, raw and vulnerable and…perhaps kind, that he hid from the world. 

Which identity was real?

The merciless killer?

Or the tender soul that was determined to protect me?

I was pulled from pondering when the girl climbed onto Hael's back, tucking her small chin comfortably into his shoulder. He stood and connected his eyes with mine, looking a bit contemplative. It seemed he could not choose between leaving me here or taking me with him.

My shoulder bounced in a half-hearted shrug. "I'll get a fire going," I said, deciding for him.

I tried not to appear woeful, but the fear my appearance had inspired in the girl earlier had gotten to me. I had always received comments on my scars and lingering stares. Many deemed me too ruined to hold such a public position in the Avalon family. My brothers and sisters had always been beautiful, owning different variations of blonde or brown hair and dark eyes. And I had never looked like them.

Hael gave me one last lingering look before taking off with the child. Beside the lake, his horse was lapping at the fresh water. I approached it for the necessary supplies on its back to get a fire started. The horse turned its head towards me curiously, sniffing my clothes and bumping my chest with its wet nose.

I tilted my head at it. "Do you think I'm ugly?"

The chestnut, of course, didn't answer. Instead, it nipped at my clothes and rewarded me with warm air from its nostrils. Its eyes didn't even reach mine, as though trying to mask its opinion of me.

"Don't worry, you can be honest," I murmured, petting its mane. "I think I'm ugly, too."