FACING FEAR

Just as well he had asked his mother to drop him at the group home

 Abel thought to himself as the car rolled down south toward the subway station. 

As it turned out, they would eventually have needed an adult to sign for Hilsa to be allowed to accompany them. 

The thought that this would continue for the entire duration of her stepfather's hearing seemed insane to Abel.

Hilsa was seated in the front seat, deeply engaged in a conversation with his mom. Abel had to give his mother credit for getting Hilsa to say more than a few lines considering the typically reserved Hilsa Abel was used to. His mother was so easygoing that Abel was sure Hilsa might not have even noticed when she started opening up.

 Listening to them talk, one wouldn't have thought they were longtime girlfriends and there was no such a considerable age gap between them. In fact, Abel was shocked to hear Hilsa laugh for the first time.

 He had never, ever seen her show more than a hesitant smile before, and even that seemed against her instincts. Seeing her this carefree was a astounding.

Both of them appeared to have forgotten he was in the car, which was completely fine with him because at that moment, he was not in the mood for a chatty conversation. 

His mind was racing, over and over, picturing the potential humiliation he was about to subject himself to. 

For a long time in his life, he had lived without caring what people thought or said about him. 

The fact that the opinion of his audience suddenly mattered so much to him now had thrown him off balance. He didn't know what to expect. And just what would he even sing?

Abel was shocked to realize he hadn't given that much thought until now. A wave of anxiety washed over him, and he blew air between his lips, rubbing his arms together as if it were cold, though it was anything but. His palms were sweating, and his heart was pounding as he watched his mother pull up at the subway.

They were finally here. 

"Here we are, honey," Abigael said as she pulled into the designated parking lot. Abel said nothing as he disembarked from the car, his mind still racing with thoughts about the upcoming performance. As soon as he stepped out, Ben, who had already been in the vicinity, approached the car, looking confused. 

Abel wasn't surprised to see that Ben already had two ice creams in hand—one of which he was greedily licking, while the other one he assumed was meant for him. Of course, Abel hadn't mentioned that they would be hanging out with Hilsa as well. Ben could have easily gotten three, but no harm done. Besides, Abel couldn't eat the ice cream anyway, though bits of his old self envied his friend. Not long ago, he would have indulged in this feast without a second thought. So much price to pay. 

"Your brain's finally cracked, dude... Since when do you play guitar?" Ben exclaimed, offering the already melting ice cream to Abel. 

"Tell me about it... Give it to Hilsa," Abel replied nonchalantly, refusing the ice cream. He knew he could tell Ben about the app, but Ben wouldn't take it seriously. He'd probably suggest it was just a highly interactive app that read your environment through the camera and spied on you. You know, the kind of paranoid stuff that was solid with geek heads. Still, Abel didn't think it was the right time to explain everything. So much had happened over the week that he felt like he was cut off from everyone else. 

Hilsa, who had been chatting with Abigael, finally stepped out of the car. Abel heard Ben say hi to both his mother and Hilsa, then he offered the ice cream, which she accepted with a slight smile. 

Abel was lost in his thoughts, the noise and bustle of the station fading into the background. His mind was a whirl of anxiety and self-doubt. As he watched people rush in and out of the station with purpose, he couldn't help but wonder if any of them would actually stop to listen to him. And if they did, would he be worth their time? 

'What am I even going to play?' Abel thought, the question gnawing at him. His heart raced, palms sweaty as he imagined himself standing there, guitar in hand, under the harsh fluorescent lights of the subway. 

He was so wrapped up in these thoughts that Ben's voice barely registered. It wasn't until Ben nudged him that Abel snapped back to reality. 

"Oh… sorry, you were saying?" Abel said, trying to shake off the lingering doubts. 

"Man, you didn't tell me Hilsa was coming," Ben whispered. 

"Well... it was kind of last minute, so..." he anwerd absent mindedly

"You look terrified... told you it's a bad idea," Ben said. 

Abel actually began to see just how bad the idea might turn out to be. But they were already here. 

"Might as well get on with it." 

He handed his guitar bag to Ben and reached for the amp as they approached the entrance. 

"I did'nt know you were performing," Hilsa said as she jogged to catch up with the two boys. 

"To be fair, neither did he," Abel answered, indicating Ben. "I thought you guys might not show up if I told you about this crazy plan." 

"What do you mean, man... and miss the fun?" Ben answered with a devious grin. 

Abel now realized why Ben had sounded sketchy when he had rushed to say he would take care of the venue. Ben cherished settling scores, and he somehow saw this as the perfect opportunity. Well, he might have just gotten his perfect chance. 

His mother was still in the car when they entered the subway station. Ben guided them to the spot that he had chosen. "Crap... man, you picked a spot right in front of the waiting area?"