looking through

After 20 minutes, Vincent and the rest arrived at the farm Vincent was cultivating. It wasn't that far, and can be walked on foot. Additionally, they enjoyed their ride here. They enjoyed every scenery they could see, and they were even excited to see the cows and sheep. 

The smiles on their faces cannot be painted off. They were thrilled. 

As soon as they arrived, Solanne and Yael's breaths were taken away, seeing how vast the area was. The farm was divided into three sections. The first section was where the rice was planted. The second was for vegetables, and the third one was for fruit. 

On their way here, Vincent told them he often sells this produce in front of his café whenever harvest season arrives. It gives him additional income, and he'll be able to minimize the waste since he can't eat all of it.

"How rich," Solanne can't help but mumble. In the back of her mind, after witnessing Vincent and the way his life was, she had considered several things about her future after the pandemic. She was still a freelancer; however, in the back of her mind, she wanted to start the café business she had dreamed of since high school. 

She has so many dreams. She wanted so many things, yet she felt like all of those things weren't achievable in her current state. Her efforts were just so that she and her brother would not starve. 

How does it feel to win? 

She sighed. Feeling something was weighing her down. She knew that it was just her imaginations, yet, why does she even feel like there were hands growing out of the soil dragging her body down? 

However, despite a few considerations, Solanne doesn't have enough money for the capital. Despite this daydream-like situation, she still can't help but think of the future. 

"What are you thinking?" Yael asked. Solanne was just standing there, overviewing the whole farm under the big tree. 

"Just something about the future." 

"Are you worried?" Yael asked back. He looked towards the farm, feeling the calm breeze of the wind and the warm rays of the sun. From a distance, they both look like children. 

"Yes," Solanne answered, but that was just it. 

Silence filled the place before Vincent interrupted. 

"Guys! The lunch is already set!" 

"Let's go," Solanne smiled at Yael and pulled his hand. Their conversation was forgotten, or so Solanne thought. Yael stared at Solanne's back momentarily before distracting himself with the food. 

The menu that Vincent had packed was grilled pork and chicken marinated with some barbeque sauce he made last night, and he even packed a few fruits there. 

Solanne felt like her heart was melting. She was obliviously moved as she uttered, "In the future, I'm going to find a husband same as you, Vincent!" 

Vincent chuckled and poured the mango juice into a cup, giving one to Solanne and Yael. 

Three of them sat down on the picnic blanket and started eating. "Do you both plan on going home after we harvest the food?" Vincent asked halfway through their meal. 

Solanne and Yael looked at each other and nodded. "We're worried about the two cats. We can walk by the way; we don't want to burden you further." 

"Nonsense!" Vincent dismissed, putting some rice inside his mouth. The sauce was delicious. "The two of you are not a burden. Besides, I have all the time in the world. I can drive you there, well, I mean, use the wagon," The three of them laughed. "It takes about an hour and a half to harvest those vegetables. We're just going to be harvesting a small amount. Afterward, we stop by my friend's butcher shop for meat and head to your cabin. Did you already put your things on the cabin?" 

Yael and Solanne nodded. "Also, can I borrow the books you lend me? I promise to keep it safe." Solanne added. 

"No problem. I gave you that book to read." 

Their conversation continued, sharing a few bits of their lives, and Solanne and Yael can't help but appreciate the province life so much as they have lived most of their lives in the city. Both of them emphasized the fresh air they are breathing right now, making Vincent laugh so hard out of pity. 

--

20 minutes after their dinner, the three of them headed to the farm, each holding a basket, and they started harvesting. 

Vincent headed to the vegetable area while Solanne and Yael were focused on the fruit area. 

Looking at the varieties of selection, Solanne can't help but be amazed on these fruits. It wasn't really hot as trees were giving them shade. 

Solanne and Yael harvested the mangoes, apples, and lemons. A few meters away was a tree of banana. They were still green, but Vincent had told them that they could already harvest it and wait for it to be ripe. 

Yael and Solanne grabbed the ladders that were leaning on the tree where they ate earlier and started to harvest some fruits. 

They were in the middle of harvesting when Solanne randomly mumbled, "Perhaps life would be easier when my job is a farmer?" She uttered in thought. However, she knew in her mind that being a farmer was also not an easy job. Her parents were an example, and she didn't want to have the same fate as them; hence, she left the countryside and settled for city life. 

Yael was on the other tree beside Solanne, so he could hear her clearly. "Back then, I really look down on people cultivating these foods. Their dress and clothes were not flashy, and they were always crouching down. I feel so pathetic and childish thinking about it now when all the foods I eat come from their hard work." 

"You were young back then. You have dreams." Yael countered. "Besides, we all dream of making it big someday, right?" 

Solanne chuckled. "It's just one of my thoughts and ways," She changed the topic of the conversation. "How was your dream?" She asked. "Did you dream last night?" 

Yael paused for a second and put the apples inside his basket. "I did." 

"Did you talk to the clown? How did you get out?" 

Yael paused for a moment as he started to think. "I didn't do anything."

Solanne frowned. She was completely puzzled. "How so? Aren't you given a timeframe to catch the train?" 

"Well, I did get one. But I was so lost in a mirror maze that all I could do was stare at myself and agonize over all of the things I hadn't done and considered. I was frustrated, and I felt so afraid. I even considered being stuck there and not getting out. I have overthought about the possible futures I won't be in, and then, as I think of those things, my reflection in the mirror only looks at me. He's looking at me with those pitiful eyes." 

"Then, I woke up." Solanne fell silent. "I pondered the reason for these unexplainable, bizarre, and doesn't make any sense dream last night. Then, a random thought hit me." 

"What about it?" 

"What if those dreams were made for me to look at myself just like how my reflection was looking at me. The dreams do not make any sense, and we associate our dreams with ourselves because that is the only connection we can think of." 

Yael heaved his breath. "That was just for me. I can't prove it if it was true or not. Still, they were just dreams at the end of the day." He looked at Solanne. "What about you?" He remembers her words from last night. "Are you still scared?" 

Solanne shook her head. "I'm actually angry." She doesn't know why she was angry. She clearly doesn't know why her feelings were so confusing like this. She feels like she is not herself and barely pulls the image she knows of herself together. 

"Why?" 

"That's the thing, I don't understand why. Or perhaps I know the reason and am unwilling to accept the truth." 

Solanne tilted her head for a little as she frowned. "I don't really know and I am so confused." 

"You don't have to overthink everything, Solanne." 

Solanne paused, knowing that it wasn't Yael's intention, yet she felt something tug her heart. She knew this feeling and that she had encountered this feeling before. Still, she doesn't want to talk about it. 

She heaved her breath and pushed aside her thoughts. She knew all of her faults, yet she's always stuck in the cycle and will always hate herself for it. 

She can accept much advice in the world, yet if she's not willing to make it work for herself. 

Solanne stretched her lips. "It's nearly time. Let's finish." 

Yael observed her actions before turning around and grabbing a few apples. 

There was an awkward silence between them, and Yael wasn't sure how to break it. 

--